Your question was: Taking him back after his cyber-affair?.
I totally agree that it was indeed a very horrifying and shocking news for you when you realised this cyber affair. Especially you have described him normally was a shy, good person. However, there are always exception for what we thought about a good guy. They do things that really shock you to death. I do understand very much you might still have strong feeling to him. However, from my personal experience, even when I got back to my-ex after his affairs, I lost a sense of security with him.
And the consequence is though I knew that I love him very much, I don't trust him and it was hard for me to commit in this relationship (thru Match.com) again. And it is not just that relationship, it does has a quite huge impact on the next relationship. Hard to trust people even they look very nice and absolutely fit in every description of a nice chap.Just something to share with you!..
Unless he addresses and changes the underlying morals and values that made him think it was ok to do this because he was "insecure" (which would take lots of hard work and most likely require the help of a counselor), then there's a huge likelihood this type of thing (or worse) will happen again.He had a choice: he could have talked to you, he could have gone to therapy to address his insecurities, any number of things. But instead, he chose to cheat. Is that really the type of man you want to be with?Sheri..
Most couple's cannot overcome betrayal on their own. If he's got self-esteem issues, he needs to work on them by himself. He did what he wanted to do because he wanted to do it. He can 'justify' it by saying he was insecure, but planning a trip to Italy is not something you take on lightly, in my opinion. It's fun to flirt and he LOVED her attention. So now that he's been 'caught' his self-esteem can't take the blow that you are willing to walk away. So my question would be, does he want to hang on to you out saving himself from being alone?.
At 25, he's still trying to figure out who he is. IF the two of you were married, I'd strongly recommend counseling. Do you see this relationship (thru Match.com) as a long-term thing or just for 'now'?.
You might want to check out Cyber-Cheating & Emotional Affairs here at iVillage for some additional input..
Good luck with your decision..
He obviously has a lot of issues and insecurities, you did not cause them. But that you believed things were perfect and saw no cracks in the veneer - perhaps you wanted to believe in perfection..
I am not saying yes take him back, say all is forgiven but might the two of you try a few sessions of couples therapy?.
I know that people do flirt when they are insecure, even if they have a SO because they need that constant affirmation that they are desirable. However, he chose to proposition this girl which goes beyond flirting.I know that you feel love in your heart, but have you honestly thought through what life would be like if you two reconciled? Some people can try to trust again, and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes you cannot bring it back to *good*. I know I would always be silently checking up on him, making note of anything irregular about his behavior or attire or odd hours at work, unusual smells, etc. That is a lot of stress and is not conducive to a happy life. So while you want him back, try to visualize what life would be like if you took him back. It cant be 100% the same ever again...so do you want it at all?..