candidablog.com

Summer flings

Want the Latest Match.com Coupons Every Month?


Enter your email address below and we'll send you the latest coupon codes every month. We'll even give a lucky person a free 3 month offer.


I wanted to get y'alls opinions/experiences on summer flings. Do you think they're 99% always going to be fleeting? Do you believe in real connections that you think could/should be extended past summer fling? When should you hold on and when should you let it go? What if you've never met a person like this in your entire life and they are the most amazing thing ever???? LOL Oh no... You know the fight or flight tendency? My tendency is flight. I'll try and come up with reasons to end it... like oh remember that one day where he blew you off and didn't call you back? What a jerk! Ha! Even though it was just one time and he made it up to you and never did it again LOL And then make-up other excuses... but then what if this is once in a lifetime and you're letting go of something really special? Ok, time for me to stop rambling and let you take over.....

Comments (5)

Your question was: Summer flings.

Summer flings are great as long as you can go with the flow and understand that at the end of the summer you say goodbye knowing that you may never see or hear from him again.When I met my first husband he was home from college for the summer and we dated. Unfortunately his father was dying of cancer and part way through the summer he made a decision to stay at home with his mother and transfer colleges. I didn't know he was planning that until he said it. So there you have a situation that led to something more. That summer romance was the only that materialized into something more for me, but you never know.Since you don't like fast moving lovey dovey stuff, a summer romance may not be right for you. The reason I say that is because flings and summer romances can mean that you both are very affectionate and loving with each other even though you both know it will end.

To stifle that energy is counterproductive to having a fling. You have to be able to give freely in order to enjoy it without expecting anything afterwards. "Do you believe in real connections that you think could/should be extended past summer fling?" sure. "When should you hold on and when should you let it go? " I think that it would be something you just know inside. It's kind of like love you just know it.

Let's remove my first husband from the equation. There was only one other person I kept in touch with after the romance was over, for a long time, about a year. I knew it was never going to materialize into anything real after that summer, but it was nice to hear from him during that time. "What if you've never met a person like this in your entire life and they are the most amazing thing ever???? " I think you answered your own question, but if you meet someone special it will hurt to let them loose after the summer, but you have to be brave, and know that you will survive the hurt."You know the fight or flight tendency? My tendency is flight. I'll try and come up with reasons to end it...

I tend to be open to experiences that really do hurt me but but I do it anyway because that is what I am usually compelled to do. I'm not saying I purposely walk into situations where someone I know is bad for me and will hurt me. I'm saying that I am usually open to people and their affects on my heart. So I will jump into a fling (knowing I'll hurt when it's over) where most people want the so-called security of a "relationship". Meanwhile I have nice memories of my guy while these other women are finding out about affairs that their men have had."Even though it was just one time and he made it up to you and never did it again." I agree, I don't like it when people treat me like I am used Kleenex.

I use the phrase "being blown off" for either situation, I know, not good, but that's what I do."but then what if this is once in a lifetime and you're letting go of something really special?" well, you can't let that happen...

Comment #1

Thanks, Snaf. That was an awesome reply, as usual. Well, I guess it doesn't matter at this point because I've acted like a total psycho and probably blew it with him. Yah, life sucks - ha! I've just been stressed out and we were talking on the phone and I acted needy and what not. I HATE people like that too! And I am never that way! I'm just stressed and it manifested itself that way! Anyway, I've not heard from him all day so I dunno. Now I'm paranoid.

Then I get pissed and then I don't want to talk to him anymore. And I hate excuses. I don't care what it is. I told him if he blows me off again we are done. He gets two of them and we're finished, I don't talk to you anymore...

Comment #2

I wouldn't say you blew it yet. Maybe if you are stressed and he calls, just ask if you can call him right back because you were in the middle of something and then...take some deep breaths and recenter your thoughts so that the conversation can go well.How exactly did he blow you off?..

Comment #3

Hi Snaf! Well, the first time he blew me off, I texted him once and only once because I thought we were hanging out later in the day and I didnt hear from him until the next day, he totally ignored me! It wouldve been fine if we hadnt talked about maybe hanging out later. If we werent then I wanted to make other plans. I thought it was inconsiderate of him. The next day he was texting me all morning and I didnt reply right away. Ha, not fun to be ignored, huh? He said sorry they were swamped at work the previous day. I was like, um, thats fine but it takes 2 seconds to let me know that so I know youre not ignoring me.

And I hate needy people. I know Im human, but I hate being vulnerable. Im a very independent person. I honestly have a problem relying on people. I dunno if it's a trust issue so much as that I like not needing anyone for x-y-z.

I dont need you to be happy, I am fine without you. So when I act insecure, it is very foreign to me and Im like.. wait, I dont care about this, why am I acting this way.. it throws me off (lol)So he proved himself to be the guy I love. I just need to remember that he loves me too...

Comment #4

I would get pissed too if he forgot to call me when we had plans.No one likes being vulnerable or feeling insecure but it happens...always at an inconvenient moment, hehe.I am independent too, generally, but it doesn't mean that I don't want love or someone to care about me. It's tough when you are capable and strong and there is no one around to soften those blows that come with life. Everyone thinks that you are so strong that you dont' need someone, when that is wrong - everyone needs someone. But that's not being needy. So when you say, "And I hate needy people", don't include yourself in there. "I dont need you to be happy, I am fine without you.

Wait, I dont care about this, why am I acting this way.. it throws me off (lol)" that's probably your defense mechanisms getting into a snit because it sucks sometimes to have to admit that someone got to you, but it's okay, as long as he doesn't rub in your face TOO often, hehe - men like to do that to women - don't think I don't know that, cuz I do. Also, it may be foreign to you because it only happens when you are dating (online dating with Match.com) someone...that is how it comes across to me in your post. Correct me if I am wrong."I honestly have a problem relying on people. I dunno if it's a trust issue so much as that I like not needing anyone for x-y-z." I understand how you feel.

I also tend to pick and choose the favors I need so that I know I am not a burden on anyone, because people LOVE you when you never ask for any help, but the minute you do...again...I have experienced this and witnessed other going through this...you become a pain. It's kind of the same thing as when things are good, you have tons of friends and your phone never stops ringing. But go through a hardship or a tragedy and the phone stops ringing. People are fair weathered, so I would just as soon, take care of myself. At least I know I wont let myself down.But, I would get annoyed too if someone called me and needed my help for every little thing (I have seen women do this to men and I don't know how they didn't jump out of their skin), so I try to not be that person and I'm okay with it because I like knowing I can do things myself, if I am in that situation.

"So he proved himself to be the guy I love." how did he do that? You don't mention that in your post. "I just need to remember that he loves me too." that's a smart thing to keep close to you. Why do people always feel or think the worst? Is it easier to do so? Or is just a way to never get completely happy so you have something to gripe about? I think there are some people who are happy being unhappy...

Comment #5


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

Categories: Home | Aug 2010 - Acne | Aug 2010 - Weight Loss | July 2010 - Weight Loss |

July 2010 - Crohn's Disease | July 2010 - Celiac Disease | June 2010 - Weight Loss | June 2010 - Acne |

May 2010 - Weight Loss | May 2010 - Acne | April 2010 - Weight Loss | Mar 2010 - Weight Loss |

Mar 2010 - Dieting | Mar 2010 - Acne | Feb 2010 - Weight Loss | Feb 2010 - Dieting |

Jan 2010 - Dieting | Jan 2010 - Acne | Jan 2010 - Weight Loss | Dec 2009 - Acne |

Dec 2009 - Dieting | Dec 2009 - Weight Loss | Nov 2009 - Weight Loss | Nov 2009 - Dieting |

Oct 2009 - Dieting | Oct 2009 - Fitness | Oct 2009 - Weight Loss | Sep 2009 - Weight Loss |

Sep 2009 - Dieting | Aug 2009 - Dieting | Aug 2009 - Weight Loss | July 2009 - Weight Loss |

July 2009 - Dieting | Jun 2009 - Weight Loss | June 2009 - Dieting | May 2009 - Weight Loss |

May 2009 - Dieting | April 2009 - Weight Loss | April 2009 - Dieting | March 2009 - Weight Loss |

Feb 2009 - Weight Loss | Jan 2009 - Weight Loss | Dec 2008 - Weight Loss | Dec 2008 - Diet Programs |

Dec 2008 - Dieting | Dec 2008 - Diets | Nov 2008 - Dieting |

 

(C) Copyright 2010 All rights reserved.