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Strange night

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I will try to keep this short, as I always try to do.The other night I had a guy friend over. I've been "hanging out" with him for about a year and a half off and on, mostly on. We've had s-x a few times but I really don't want to do that anymore because I just don't feel that way about him. Anyway, we were drinking brandy that night and I drank a little too much. I woke the next morning with him next to me in bed and we were both naked. I do not remember how that happened.

He said he remembers all this stuff that we did (including sexually) and I don't remember ANY of that happening.Did he take advantage of me? Can't a person tell when a person isn't aware of what is going on? He claims I was alert enough. Should I see him again? I kind of feel like I was violated! Was it my fault since I let my self drink too much?All I know is never before could I not remember the night before and I can tell you it is not going to happen again. For starters, I am not ever going to drink brandy again!..

Comments (4)

Your question was: Strange night.

It's a touchy thing because you have had sex with him before so it's not like you haven't been willing in the past.  Since you don't remember anything, it's really tough to say whether or not he took advantage of you.  I have seen friends drunk that seemed to be functioning relatively normally but when we talk about what they did the next day, they have NO recollection of it at all - I've even seen people strip off all their clothes and be completely oblivious to what they'd done the next day.  So I'm sure he knew you were drunk, but he MAY not have known that you were completely unaware of what was going on..

If YOU feel violated and taken advantage of, then that's what you feel.  Again, unfortunately it's one of those situations where you DO have to take some accountability for your actions - I'm not saying you're at fault per se, but you did get drunk and you don't know what you did after that point.  You could have seemed alert to him, but you might not have.  Unfortunately since you don't remember, the only word you have is his.  If you don't feel comfortable around him any more, that's perfectly understandable as well.  But it's a situation to learn from..

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Comment #1

Did you have any evidence of sex on your body, like semen on you or your clothes or sheets? Did he drink just as much as you? Do you remember him drunk at all? If he wasn't drunk and you were, then I would say he did take advantage of you.You are responsible for your own alcohol intake, thus responsible for blacking out and disrobing. However, a real gentleman does not take advantage of the situation, especially if he has real feelings for the woman because he would not want to screw anything up with a future relationship. While your guy friend may not shoulder all of the blame, he certain has no class or character.As far as you seeing this guy again, that is up to you. I would not want to see him again if I knew that he took advantage of me...

Comment #2

I have only blacked out once. It was also a night that I drank hard dark alcohol.  Never again will I do that. But I didnt understand how I got home...or anything. From what I was told we got a flat tire on the way home and I helped them change it! I was the one who told our DD where the spare was and everything. I also helped another girl walk into the bushes to pee.

And I remember nothing. From the pictures I looked normal. My friends of course knew I was drunk but didnt think I had blacked out. It was scary when I woke up the next morning. Good thing I had good friends around but. So yes it can happen.  I also heard that it happens more on dark alcohol because of something to do with the way your body processes it.

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But like the other posters said, if you felt violated speak up! But also if you know this guy would not do something like this then maybe like my friend he didnt know how bad you were!.

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Comment #3

Some alcoholic beverages can cause reactions that are bascially blackouts. I quit drinking hard liquor years ago because I was less prone to remember what I did when drunk. That said, I also don't drink to get drunk any more (and if I should, I'm usually with people I KNOW I'm safe with)The fact that you don't remember what happened does not mean he took advantage of you. I have had this happen to me - got drunk, sick and puking and ended up in bed with someone who I never would have had sex with EVER sober - and he knew it. And the jackass had the nerve to brag about it afterwards. I put myself in that situation - he did take advantage of it because it was the only way he would ever see me naked.

If he doesn't know you've changed your mind about that, then he needs to know and he also needs to know how you feel about this situation - that it made you uncomfortable - not that you think he did something. Because you DON'T know - and that fact is likely the most troubling thing here for you.Have you ever had a conversation with him about not being sexual anymore? did he know you no longer wanted that? Do you have other reason to believe that he is not a good guy? I'm not implying that you are wrong here - just throwing out possibilities. Part of feeling violated is not being in control - you can't remember therefore you can't be in control. If your history with him has shown him to be a good guy - go with what you DO know rather than focus on what you don't know. If his character has been sketchy all along - that plays a factor in your feelings.

And people do things during blackouts that frighten them or they feel ashamed about when they find out. This could just as easily be the case here. Make it a rule to stay in control by not getting drunk. That said - you have responsiblity here as does he. be honest with him without making him wrong or to blame - because it may have been 100% mutual.

Toni..

Comment #4


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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