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My first question is: Still on Match.com?.

My next question is: Hey folks,.

Well I've posted MANY posts on my BF's intimacy issues and him going through a phase for the last month saying he doesn't know what he feels or whats, distancing himself and calling less (blah blah blah).  Anyways, although he's driven me nuts for the last 6 weeks with this stuff-since his Xmas party last week we have had many more good conversations on the phone and will be spending christmas eve and day together (surprising and a good turn around) and I feel like he's slowly starting to come around..

Here's my thing though-I think I still need to lay it all on the line after the 1st of the year because we've been dating (online dating with Match.com) 10 months (live 5 minutes away from each other)  and seeing each other has ALWAYS been an issue since we started dating.  He's a divorced 37 year old man and I a 36 year old never married woman.  He's always wanted more space since his divorce was messy but I figured we'd progress and see each other more.  At this point, we still only see each other once a week on a weekend (like Sat night into Sun. half a day) and I think it should be a bit more-not every day-but like a day or two more in the week..

Just wondering what you all think?  What would you expect at 10 months?  Just wondering if I should let it slide but I think if I dont' say anything-it won't progress..

Thanks,.

Lynne..

Comments (10)

Your question was: Still on Match.com?.

1) Decide what you want and what you are and aren't willing to compromise on.  If I wasn't happy, I wouldn't see the point of continuing on with something.  Life is too short to waste time..

2) Can't get something unless you ask for it or let someone know you want it.   ..

Comment #1

There are a couple of scenarios:.

1) you are dating (online dating with Match.com) a guy who ramps up the seriousness of his relationships and then treats the woman differently at each stage.

2) and then you have a guy who just jumps in and wants a relationship (thru Match.com) and wants to see you all the time.

3)then there is a guy who doesnt want a relationship (thru Match.com) to be a priority in his life at the moment..

In your case, if I were to guess, I would say you have situation #3.  10 months is enough time for a guy who ramps up to have ramped up...

Comment #2

He is giving mixed messages right now..

The best thing for a woman to do in this situation, if she wants more commitment is to distance herself from him.  When you do this, he will either allow you to go away or realize how important you are to him and take a step to further the relationship..

He maybe hanging out with you during Christmas because he really wants to OR because you are a convenient companion.  You need to find out..

I would stop.  Stop emailing, calling and start doing other things.  I would stop making him a priority and go out with friends, take a trip, maybe even date using Match.com others. .

We can't ask for more love and affection and time...we can only try to inspire him to do what he wants. .

Good luck.

 .

 .

 .

Soliel..

Comment #3

 I don't think your guy is giving you ANY mixed signals. In fact, his NON-ACTION is a CLEAR signal that he's not where YOU are at in this r-ship. He's not wrong for being where he's at in HIS life, just like you're not wrong for being where YOU are at in your life. IT is what it is, UNTIL it isn't..

 He doesn't want the same things as you. OBVIOUSLY. If he did, you two would be spending more time together, but for some reason you feel the need to put your life on hold HOPING he comes around. Listen, HE'S NOT going to any time soon. He's proven that for the last 10 months. It seems like you're FINALLY starting to realize this..

 It's time, sweetie...

Comment #4

Yeah sweety I think You need to take a step back and be clear about what You want and need to Him and if He is not willing to meet You half way then You know what You have to do. .

10 months is a substantial amount of time to be on the same wave length on what You need in a relationship (thru Match.com) and He is not a kid anymore His last relationship (thru Match.com) has nothing to do with You don't let Him use that as an excuse to You.  He needs to step up to the plate..

Good luck!..

Comment #5

What's so hard about taking some personal responsibility and actually asking for what you want and need, rather than playing silly and selfish games?  If she decides to play the games you recommend, then he should end this relationship (thru Match.com) completely...

Comment #6

I second that.  actually, I firsted it.. see my first post on this thread.. ..

Comment #7

DO NOT LET IT SLIDE!! Definitely say something!!!  (But say it in a non-pressuring, and non-punitive way)..

I've been with my beau for about 10 months too, and just like you spending time with each other was one of our issues at first, but Im not as patient as you are, after 3 months of dating, I TOLD HIM I wanted more, and I wouldnt say it changed over night but since that conversation, he really came around and now we see each other 3-4 times a week with daily communication. .

So dont sit back and not do anything about it if you are not satisfied.  Men are not mind readers, if you dont say anything, he might think everything is all happy and dandy.  And if he is on the same wavelength as you are, he will put in more effort!.

Hope it works out for you!!..

Comment #8

Oh boyI have been exactly in your shoes. I was with a guy for 10 months who wanted me around all the time, called me every day, we stayed the night together at least once a week...but he never once said he loved me. I needed that to feel like the relationship (thru Match.com) was going forward. He had major issues. Probably way more screwed up than your guy. Whenever I brought up how he felt about me (after 6 months for god's sake he should know) he avoided an answer, yelled at me, or changed the subject..

At 10 monthsa conversation about where you stand is more than appropriate. I think that's the perfect time to figure out if you want to be with someone after the honeymoon period is over. Keeping you at a distance is a clear indication that he's not intending anything serious with you. In my case, the next step never came.

Be strong. If he can't answer you in a satisfactory way, leave him. At first it will be hard, but in the end you will be much happier for it and a guy who is ready to commit to you will come along..

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 ..

Comment #9

He's leveling with you - he needs to take it slow and be cautious. You can ask if he thinks this has the potential to get more serious at some point without boxing him in  - you don't want to feel like you're wasting your time -but you also don't want him to feel pushed or coerced.  It's  bit of a balancing act. It's up to you to see if this can be ok for you..   But you said he is slowly coming around. So have a timeframe in mind in your head perhaps but don't rush him.

,..

Comment #10


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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