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Someone signed up to the Latin American Match.com. with my email address?

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My first question is: Someone signed up to the Latin American Match.com. with my email address?.

My next question is: About two months ago I met a guy who just moved over from the UK for a new job.  We hit it off entirely.  He introduced me to rugby even outfitting me in the proper attire so I could look like a legit fan.  He played on my intramural teams and was instantly embraced by my friends.  He was constantly asking to spend time with me, even if it was a lazy Sunday on the couch watching terrible television.  I never felt so comfortable with a guy - it was awesome.  We laughed constantly and he even went to the Spice Girls concert with me and pretended to have fun!  Then this past Saturday night (after a wonderful day of watching soccer and just being cuddly and cutisie) he told me he is recently out of a five year relationship (thru Match.com) and just not ready to be in a "proper relationship." He got all teary and told me I was the coolest girl he ever met and that he doesn't want this to be goodbye, he just needs to figure himself out.  He explained that he would be "gutted" (cute brit talk) if this was really the end and that he hopes that things can be reunited after he figures out his place here and comes to term with all of the stuff he has going on.  He said he knows that not having me around will make him miserable, but that he just can't get in to another relationship (thru Match.com) straight away.   I am trying to not be silly about this but I really want to hold out hope that things will work out with him.  I am also trying like crazy to believe what he is saying - but in the back of my mind I am thinking, he is just not that in to me.  Any thoughts or advice? ..

Comments (6)

Your question was: Someone signed up to the Latin American Match.com. with my email address?.

If you're going to hold on to hope, you need to put it in a box and put it in the back of the highest shelf of your emotional closet that you can, so that it's not something you can easily pull out and look at (in the metaphysical sense), because holding on to hope just keeps you stuck, otherwise..

I had a five month relationship (thru Match.com) end recently because of bad timing (or so he told me, although I do wonder if it was really because he just wasn't that into me) and it's hard not to hope that if and when things change we'll have another chance, but I'm really working on letting that hope go (or packing it away in the back of my closet, to use my metaphor).  Because if it's meant to be, it'll work out whether I hold on to hope or not, and if it's not meant to be, then it's better that I move on so I can meet someone who is right for me in every respect including timing..

Also, if you're going to be seeing him frequently (will you still be playing on teams together), that will make things a LOT harder so you will have to work extra hard at moving on..

Sheri .

 ..

Comment #1

He sounds kind of yummy..I can see why you hope for the best..

It is one thing to need some time to process the emotions that are a part of breaking up and then there is the "I am not ready to be in a relationship" talk.  Which do you think it is?.

I know you holding on to the hope that he can get his act together quickly, but like Sheri says, hope keeps you stuck and blocks your reception to a man who is actually emotionally available for you...

Comment #2

Sorry to hear about your break up Sheri.  Hope it wasnt too brutal...

Comment #3

Hi Hoyalawya2004.

 .

Welcome to the board.  I hope I'm not jumping in too late!.

I got hit up side the head with a similar kind of break up a few months back and I wasn't as sensable when it first happens.  So kudos to you for being strong.  I did learn that when a man is emotional unavialable, he simply is unavialable. .

If you don't want to get serious with anyone else and the two of you run back into each other when his life is "figured out" than oaky.  But don't wait around for him!!.

 .

Best Wishes,.

Kristie.

 .

 .

           ..

Comment #4

 In my opinion, HOPING for something is a WEAK STATE OF MIND. "Oh, I hope he likes me." "I hope I get that job." I hope, I hope, I hope. WEAK WEAK WEAK.   Going into something saying, "this is what I want and I will not settle for less", is a very strong a reassuring mind set. There is no doubt and no hope. It's all or nothing..

  Ex: I just went back to MI to go in front of a mediator to get my license back after 2.5 yrs. without it. I didn't hope he'd consider giving it back, I knew he would give it back. I visualized it, I played the meeting over and over in my mind with a positive outcome and I felt everything I did was more than sufficient. Guess what, I was wrong and I was denied for another year.

 My point is, is that I'm wasn't 'hoping' to get it back, I'M GOING TO GET IT BACK. I will do EVERYTHING it takes, so that this guy KNOWS I'm serious about my need to drive. Although I'm disappointed, I will use this failure as 'feedback', so that this next time, there will be NO DOUBTS..

 If only people knew how weak it is, to hope for things. Successful people don't hope, they act upon their desires and learn from their failures..

 I offer nothing to help you with this guy, but just wanted to point out the 'weak mindset' of hoping. Don't hope. Make whatever you wish to know, HAPPEN. COMMUNICATE!!!.

 .

 Z..

Comment #5

Hey z-money, I just had to respond to your post.  I am also an action oriented person...why sit back and be passive when you can reach for the brass ring, right?.

The reason this attitude isnt more shared by women is because women are trained, coached, manipulated to not being assertive or aggressive...let the man lead the way...try to not hold too tight or go for what you want because you'll turn the guy off.  So, as a result women sit back and "hope".  In this situation she should communicate what she wants from the guy and if he does not reciprocate then move on and let him go - at least she would be proactive in her life.  Also, this nonsensical commercial notion of romance tells a woman that "destiny" will bring her man to her - and sometimes that just doesnt happen without a little help from the woman..so women sit and wait for their lives to unfold instead of being an active participant in their lives - how boring..

When it comes to men I have learned that if it works...it just works from the start - both parties find each other attractive, both are available, both like each other or are drawn to each other.  Everything just clicks...

Comment #6


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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