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Some Match.com disaster stories?

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My question is: Some Match.com disaster stories?.

My 2nd question is: Recently I have posted a post about how I was looking for direction cause I was confused I'm not sure how to link my post to this so you can see the back story of this new post but the short version is that I need to get over this guy I am in love with so we can be good friends instead of me always taking things wrong way and feeling as though he's leading me on and things like that. Even though the things he says to me I dont see how I'm taking it wrong but he always says I do. We have known each other for five years and all this time I have liked him. It took him and I four years to figure out we loved one another, we dated for 6 months until he wanted out cause he didnt want to talk about things and make it work, we ended things or he did rather in July. We been close every since and to me I feel no difference because I never been without him for all this time. When I mean all this time I mean the five years I have known him it's just been us.

He told me the other day he's looking for a girlfriend, I thought I was doing well with just trying to be friends but then he said that and it just all kind of came back. It was like he broke up with me all over again but this time it was more easier to handle then the last. I guess he seriously doesn't want to be with me and I felt like this when we were together at times too. Im not sure how to get over him to the point where I am able to be okay with him having a girlfriend , I know this will take time but I'm not sure how to go about this, whatever I do I think it's working and then something happens which makes it all come back again. I can go on and on writing so much more thoughts and about us but I wont cause I guess basically I know what has to be done I'm just not sure how to do it and I want to be his friend still and everything we do now it's going to change if he gets a girlfriend and even just being friends it'll change and I dont know just the thought of that hurts and etc..

Comments (10)

Hello, thank you for reading and posting to my post. thats what everyone tells me too besides that were going to end up married they also say that hes looking for a friend he can share things with and be close with but not as girlfriend in me. after liking him then loving him for so many years like you said it's quite hard to just be fine with being friends and not being able to get past those feelings you had. he might b able to but I cant especially I'm the one who liked him a lot long then he has liked me lol. especially with the things he says to me and what we do together it's hard too. I know he has some growing up to do and his parents have said it as well, his family doesnt understand why we arent together and the friends who did know about me are confused too on why we arent together.

So now everything is going to change and it will more so too if he does get a girlfriend. I'm friends with his sister so shell be talking about him I'm sure so if I try to get away from contacting him id still have to hear about him and I dont think that would help me. every time I think I'm doing well something happens which makes me start back to where I was again. we dont even hangout that much so it's not like we hang a lot. I want to stay in contact with him but I guess that hasn't worked to help me so maybe I do need time away from him but it's just so hard and it hurts.

He didnt try to contact me and I asked y and he said it was cause I said I didn't want to talk to him so he wanted to give me space n id talk to him when I was ready. he said he missed me and he usually says he misses me when I go out to see him, he lives a hour away and it's nice to hear but then he says he just misses me like he would any other girl that is his friend and I dont believe that. sometimes I feel he just says things so he dont send me mix signals but it's really how he feels. I dont know it's just so confusing...

Comment #1

Oh giggles...you care about him too much.  The best thing to do is to cut off contact with him.  You arent friends anymore - you crossed that line.  If he dates someone and you have no contact with him, it wont be so hurtful...

Comment #2

Hi Giggles,.

 .

You have to be strong and move on.  Cut back on the contact with if some if not all together.  I'm surprised when people can be friends with past loves.  You broke up for a reason.  I say step back and give yourself time.  Keep super busy so that you don't have time to think about him for a while. .

Good Luck,.

 .

           ..

Comment #3

Hello and thank you for caring. I'm waiting for an email back from him to tell me straight out how he sees us in the future. once I get that email I'm going to make a decision what I want to do but the same time I feel either way I need to break away. but I hang at his house with his sister, he dont live there but it's kind of hard for them not to talk about him cause thats his family so I dont know if thats good or not for me but I have a good time there and hanging with his sister and I dont have many friends so it's nice to have that. by being at his house I see that it's not only me he does this to his own family doesnt know what is up with him n etc y he acts the way he does and etc. I wish I was able to go there when we were together cause then I'm thinking maybe it would of helped a bit to hear and see that it wasnt and isnt just me and etc...

Comment #4

Hi Giggles,.

It's good that you are moving foward with your decision making.  If you are friends with his sister and you decide to break up with him, I'd talk to her after the breaking up is done.  let her know what's up and then ask her straight up if the two of you can still be friends.  When you want to hang out, just ask her to your place or go out to dinner.  I think she can still be your friend!!!.

Good Luck and let us know how the email stuff goes..

 .

           ..

Comment #5

Hello. well I told her last night when I was there having dinner I told her how if I do this no contacting thing I dont know if it's best for me to b there and so forth cause hes brought up and etc. she understands but at the same time she was saying maybe talking to her will help cause she goes through it with her brother cause thats how he is with her n his family too. which I never knew. I wish I was able to go to his parents house when we were together because I think it would of helped a bit. now I see he treats them like he treats and treated me.

And I said how no we dont and I said how no girl is going to want to deal with what he put me through n etc n I also said friends or not it's the same thing. it's like he thinks other girls will be different but it wont b different no girl is going to want to deal with what I dealt with I dont even get why I want to deal with it again n so forth. I wish hed talk with me so we can work through things n etc like your suppose to even as friends we dont...

Comment #6

Giggles,.

Hold on - he doesn't want to have a "relationship" with you and you can't change that.  Why do you want to be wtih someone that has and continues to treat you badly?  There will be someone again and he will treat you the way you deserve.

It's okay to stay friends with his sister and yup it will feel akward at times, just stay in nuetral territory..

Good Luck with Moving on,.

 .

 .

           ..

Comment #7

Well she and I are doing dance lessons at her house once a week adn then I guess maybe will just do that there n to hang maybe will go somewhere else. I dont know but I had a blast there n I felt so in with them n etc. it was really nice and I had a blast. anyway I shouldnt have dinner there or go there often cause I dont think itll help me but like you said yea I need to not b there as much but for dancing I kind of have to. she understands to not talk about him the best we can n stuff but it's kind of hard. I think maybe talking with her about it might help cause she si right she has gone through the same with him cause thats who he is and so she knows what I'm saying and etc.

I get mix signals from him so I stay and I feel there is hope and etc I dont know he wrote me that to my question so now I have to back away a bit but like I said I dont even get y I want to b with someone like that if I know how eh treats me n etc even as a friend. I didnt go to counseling today I had to cancel I want to go tomorrow or friday if they have an opening. I tried to not contact him for a month and I thought it was ok but turned out that I wasnt and just got me back to where I was so I guess I need to try two to three months now n see how that goes. I hate that if we are friends I hate that if he does get a girlfriend things will change. he says how he dont want us to change as friends and he wants to just be us without the sex and like thats fine but I care for him deeply I dont get how he can not out of know where but for me I cant get over it fast so I need time to heel and etc..

Comment #8

Do yourself a favor and don't be friends with this guy.  It might be what he wants, but I can guarantee you, it will only lead to more heartache for you.  He's told you that you don't have a future - it doesn't matter how he treats his family - his behavior isn't hurting them, it's hurting you - they aren't trying to have a romantic relationship (thru Match.com) with him, so whether his sister might not be sure what's going on with her brother, it's not going to damage her self-esteem like it will continue to damage yours..

Is this all you think you are worth?  Someone who comes and goes and doesn't communicate and doesn't even seem to want to be with you?.

The only way that you will be able to heal and move on is to have no contact with this guy - and I would let his sister go for the time being also - you can always re-connect down the road when you are feeling less hurt by the situation.  The longer you cling to someone who is not right for you, the more you deprive yourself of the oppotunity to meet somebody who is right for you..

Let this guy and his family go - look for new ways to keep yourself busy - take up a hobby, take a class, work on something creative, get into great physical shape (which will help you feel less depressed about this situation) - men are attracted to confident women who have active and interesting lives.  Be a person you would want to date.   Better times lie ahead..

Best wishes,.

Coolas.

 ..

Comment #9

Hello and thank you for reading my post and replying to it. I'm not sure if I wrote this but he finally gave me a clear answer on if he sees an us in the future and he said he doesnt think so. thats the short version. I wanted to keep everyone in formed what happened last night. oh and I had to cancel counseling yesterday so I didnt go. anyway last night he and I talked for three hours on the phone with out arguing! it was great I finally was able to have a conversation with him with me trying to communicate with him.

Anyway we talked and while I have my time away he wants to try to help himself too he was saying. and I think thats great. if it actually happens now thats a different story haha. but I left it as were still friends even in this time that we aren't contacting each other. it's going to be 90 days and he was sad but you know what if it's going to help me he n I both agree it's for the best.

We left it like that and I'm happy with that n so is he and I think this might work out. I'm so thankful for all this help I have got from my posts and my friends and myself. he also said that hopefully in this time hell grow up a little and realize things and such and just different things he was saying. thats great n I hope it happens but it probably wont cause you know how many times I have tried to help him change n etc. so whatever it doesnt matter I need to do what makes me happy and focus on me and helping myself and so forth.

Thanks for everything...

Comment #10


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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