Should I try paying for

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My first question is: Should I try paying for

My next question is: Hi everyone,.

I am 30year old who just recenetly found her self back in dating (online dating with world.  I have met few guys(on-line) and had good 1st dates but nothing really panned out.  Then I did meet someone that might actually have potential and we have our 2nd date using set for this evening. .

We both have discussed how sexual we are, but it's been so long I don't even know how many dates or how long it should be before it's "too soon"..

He is in his 30's as well, and don't get the feeling his looking for one-night stand..

Any advice?..

Comments (9)

Your question was: Should I try paying for

That's such an individual decision, you have to find what works for you.  And it may take some trial and error..

For me, having sex before we've discussed it and agreed to be exclusive doesn't work.  And I don't think that it makes sense to decide to date using someone exclusively before we've gone out for a whilegenerally 6-8 weeks of consistent dates, 1-2 times a week, is the time frame that's worked for me in the past.  That ends up being about 10-12 dates, depending on how often we see each other..

What this does is give me a pretty good sense of what the guy is like (although it's really just a start, as I've found it takes a good 4-6 months of dating (online dating with to really get to know someone, but I'm not willing to wait *that* long for sex, LOL).  For instance, how consistent are his words and actions?  I think it's pretty easy to be on your best behavior for 2-3 dates but if someone's a flake or dishonest, he'll often start to show signs of it within a month or two..

Having sex too soon (even if we do agree to be exclusive) has the effect of causing my judgment to be impaired and causing me to become more emotionally attached than I would be otherwise.  I tend to rationalize questionnable behavior and overlook things that I wouldn't overlook if we weren't having sex yet.  A lot of women tend to be the same way, but you might not be.  That's something you need to discover for yourself, also..


Comment #1

I wait until I am exclusive with a guy (and we verbally agreed).  With my current boyfriend, we waited two months...

Comment #2

Things have become so sex focused when it comes to dating, a lot of people think there is something wrong if you've been dating (online dating with awhile with no sex.  I would say, wait at the very least until you have a strong grasp of him as a person and have had the chance to see how he handles himself in many different situations.  After all, you can always have sex with him later if he turns out to be the kind of person you want!  But once sex is had, it can't be taken back and you have all those feelings and attachments that go with it.  I would think much more about not having sex too soon than worrying about if you SHOULD be having it.  Chances are, he will let you know pretty quickly that he wants it.  You don't have to do it right away just because of that, though...

Comment #3

I'd advice to wait at least until you're BOTH exclusive. No matter how sexual you are, safety comes first these days. Exclusivity doesn't come easy when online dating, at least that's my experience. Many guys look for casual relationships with many women at once time.  At the end it's up to you to know when you feel comfy enough to jump into bed with a guy. Although, if you want to carry out a physical relationship (thru only and see what comes out of it, then go ahead and jump right into bed on the first or second date...

Comment #4

All of the posters bring up valid points such as discussing exclusivity and monogamy. These are not the same thing as Sheri has pointed out in the past - exclusivity is dating (online dating with and monogamy is sexually related.  So if you want him to date using you and only you and have sex with you and only you ... then you need to discuss it prior to sex. .

Other than that... whatever works for the two of you is your business. ..

Comment #5

I don't think that there is any sort of formula for when it is and is not okay to have sex with someone you're dating. I've slept with someone after the second date, but I've also made someone wait months before we had sex. It happens when it feels right. My first main concern is that they're clean (which I've never had a problem with) and after that what happens happens. I also make sure that they're not currently sleeping with someone else. If they pass those two tests and if it feels right (which could take only two dates or quite a few months) than I go for it! I've never been one to say that I'll only sleep with someone after I've been dating (online dating with them for X amount of time. I don't think that there is a specific timeline one must follow to determine whether or not it's okay to have sex - trust your instinct!..

Comment #6

The issue I've had with that approach is, how do you have any idea of their honesty after only 2 dates?  They might SAY they're not sleeping with anyone else, but at that point you have no rational basis for determining whether they are honest or not.  Only after observing their behavior over time can you even begin to have any basis for such a determination (and of course that's not foolproof but at least it winnows out the obvious liars).  So that's why I think it's important to waitat least that's been my experience..


Comment #7

I SO agree.  2 dates is such a teeny drop in the bucket of life.  How can you possibly know that ANYTHING they say is true at that point?  Honestly, if someone chooses to have sex that quickly, more power to them, it's their life, but call it what it is. It is sex only, no strings attached, and the odds of having a relationship (thru with that person just went way, way down.    I have a LOT of guy friends and I've never been told different from any of them about this.  Sex too early reduces the respect level, sorry and it wasn't my idea, but it's simply true.  What could possibly be harmed by waiting a little longer?  Would the guy lose interest?  If so, blow him a kiss and wish him well!.

And yes, unless they're having sex with only you, a clean STD test is only good until they're out of your line of vision, because they could quite easily have had sex with someone with HIV as soon as they left your house.  Simply the way it is...

Comment #8

There's no right or wrong answer as long as you are honet with each other and practice safe sex. But there's also no fire... Waiting can stoke the flames!.


Comment #9

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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