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Should I join Match.com. If Im a man ?

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My first question is: Should I join Match.com. If Im a man ?

My next question is: I was at a theatrical presntation with my b/f last night...I'm almost 45...he's 49..

His son was one of the performers and the WHOLE thing was very moving..

They sang one song that really hit home to me....I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE HIM..

The tears flowed out of my eyes...it was such a relief to have words that fit the way I feel.  He is so loving toward me..I was in a dysfucntional relationship (thru Match.com) where we talked to each other like crap..

This guy is constantly telling me, I'm beautiful...I'm the love of his life....I have beautiful brown eyes...and in the play he was signing "you are so beautiful to me" in my ear...loudly enough so that I know the people behind us could hear him..

He MELTS my heart....and ME..I can't even say "babe" or "love" without feeling silly and VERY VULNERABLE..

I have a history of writting my feelings to him...but mostly I have sent him "psycho letters and he just teases me about them...like I want to break up because he hasn't seen me...in 3 days...not that bad....but...almost..

Anyway...I want to write him a letter and tell him how insightful this song was to me...and how I know I struggle with...with being loving....and how much he means to me....Is that too gay for my age...?  I really can't tell him...I wish I could.

I think he knows thou...because they sang another song...that was very loving in the begining of the show and I started to cry and he leaned over and asked me if I was alright...I laughed and said...YES...I'm very happy...this show is VERY GOOD for me!.

Actually, I am so tired from today and last night..I'm going to bed now...I think I will compose a loving text to send him before I hit the sack..

 .

Missy..

Comments (6)

Your question was: Should I join Match.com. If Im a man ?

Well, he calls them psycho letters....they are usually letters about stuff I have problems talking about....like early in the relationship (thru Match.com) I thoght he wanted to break up with me...so I wrote a letter telling him I wanted to break up with him because of how he was making me feel.....Usually the "theme" is about breaking up..

Then another time...I started taking a class on Wed. night our normal night together...and then I wrote him a letter telling him I thought it was stupid of me to do that because then we were spending less time together..

Once we didn't have sex for 2 weeks...I wrote him a letter and told him I needed more passion in my relationship (thru Match.com) and if he wasn't able to give it to me...we should break up..

I have also written him letters telling him how much in love I am with him and how he has changed my life..

I write them when something is truly bothering me....or I have a "burning desire" to tell him something...and many phone calls come and go...and I don't get it out...so I WRITE it......

I usually wait until he leaves for fishing and then he finds these letters when he comes home in the afternoon.  He usually brushes them off by saying I have PMS or something.....and I try to defend them and tell him they are my true feelings....

So...thats the story on the psycho letters..LOL.

He thinks it is a STRANGE thing and he has saved the letters...he won't let me read them, nor will he give them back....I think he has 12....we have been together 2.5 years now..

Any time I pout about something or we get into any kind of discussion...he will sometimes ask....Am I going to get a psycho letter about this?.

 .

Missy..

Comment #1

YIKES.  Ok, it doesnt strike you as BAD that he calls them "psycho letters"??  That's not a clue to you to STOP writing them??  Ever heard of just winging it?  Do you want him to dump you?  Why do you keep writing about breaking up?  Stop being so insecure or it'll actually happen.  Insecurity is unattractive. ..

Comment #2

I have stopped writting them.  I don't think I have sent one in a couple of months. He did mention last week, that he hasn't gotten any "psycho letters" lately and that he thought that was a GOOD thing.  I write them but then I use my shredder in the morning to shred them.  And I have gotten better at verbally expressing how I feel..

I don't get something...so, if I feel insecure...and you love me...what is the big deal of reassuring me to feel better?  If someone I love is struggling I do my best to provide reassurance. .

But...I guess I was writting them too frequently...and requesting reassurance on a constant basis.  That is WHY I think he calls them psycho letters...he calls them psycho letters as a JOKE...but I know there is some truth to that description of the letters..

Sometimes when I write them..I do want him to dump me...or visa versa....When something gets to HARD for me to handle...my answer is to run away.....and I have a big fear of ending up in another relationship...that isn't "perfect" I don't want to live another lie like I did for 20 years...so I am extremely sensitive and always trying to pick up on "bad relationship" clues....I know that I need to chill out and this guy has given me no reason to act the way I act...its all from my past behaviors and relationship..

And I do have insecurity problems and my take (bad attitude) on that is....he knew what he was getting into..going out with someone that was only "sober" for 1 year and came from a crazy relationship....bound to be some issues there!.

Your YIKES is so point on...thanks for making me laugh..

 .

Missy..

Comment #3

"if I feel insecure...and you love me...what is the big deal of reassuring me to feel better?".

As you pointed out, it's a big deal if the person is having to do it *all the time*.  And as I said before, insecurity is unattractive.  And constantly having to reassure a person becomes tiresome.   You def cannot use the "if you love me" thing.  That is BAD bad bad.  It's holding the other person hostage when you say something like that and it will only drive the other person away. .

The person might love you now but they can fall OUT of love if you turn into a psycho.  And this is what you would say.  "If you love me, you love me even though I am psycho".  < Guess what.  This is exactly what a psycho believes!!.

"That is WHY I think he calls them psycho letters...he calls them psycho letters as a JOKE".

Oh it's not a joke.  He thinks they're psycho alright. .

"Sometimes when I write them..I do want him to dump me...".

No you don't.  You're testing him to see if he will and when he doesnt it's proof to you that he still likes you.  And then after some time passes, you need reassurance yet again, so you do something else to test him.  Again, that gets tiresome.  You really need to watch yourself. .

 .

"its all from my past behaviors and relationship".

I understand.  But you have to have a balance between being alert and completely losing your marbles..

 .

"he knew what he was getting into..".

Yes, he did.  But if you want to KEEP him, then quit testing him.  Now if your goal is to drive him away and have him dump you, then by all means, keep writing your letters and asking him if he truly likes you etc.

 ..

Comment #4

I"m laughing because you are SO right...I act like such a freakin child all the time...did I mention I'm going to be 45?.

How do you know so much about how he is going to react or feel?  Have you been in a similar situation?  Were you the receiver of "psycho" behaviors?  I just think it is ODD...that you were so right on about some of the reactions I WANT...like I want PROOF and reassurance all the time....Your exactly right...its an awful way to live being on my side of the street also..

I was with him tonight and I had forgotten about the I don't know how to love him song...wish I had remembered it because I was feeling pretty outspoken and confident tonight..I might have been able to tell him...I do love him so much....tonight I was getting sentimental about being 45...and saying I should be lucky...because I was supposed to die at 41...and I said I don't want to go thru pain and suffering and I don't want to watch others go thru it...and how I sometimes wish I did die at 41....he said...Dont worry...I will take care of you.....

That was a really heartwarming thing to hear....I was speechless of course and just crawled on top of him and hugged him tight..

I brought up the letters tonight too...and I said do you really think they are psycho?  He said YES they ARE...I said..well, I won't write them because I guess they can be twisted and I told him that I will try to speak what I feel so that it is taken the way I mean it..

Missy..

Comment #5

Yes, take a risk. On our deathbeds it is the risks not taken that haunt us, not things we tried that maybe didn't work out perfectly. Life is about plunging into the thick of it. Good luck.

,..

Comment #6


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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