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Should a person be frustrated knowing someone they like is logging onto their Match.com account?

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My first question is: Should a person be frustrated knowing someone they like is logging onto their Match.com account?.

My next question is: First off let me tell everyone a little bit about my ex and myself.  We meet in high school and started dating (online dating with Match.com) off and on.  We were each others first's.  I am now 26, and he is 24, and we have both grown up more since high school, we both have come to relize that.  I have had a couple of relationships, since we have broke up but nothing serious or anything that lasted a long time.  He dated someone else after me and got married to her last year; the marriage didn't work out, she moved out and they just got a divorce in the last month or so.  We have stayed in contact off and on through the years.  He started e-mailing me in June and for a couple of months we started to hang out again and talking on the phone.  He was also hanging out with other friends as well, one of which was another girl.  He decided that he liked her and wanted to start dating (online dating with Match.com) her, so then he stopped talking to me.  I told him how I felt about him doing that to me and I also told him that I still have feelings for him, and that he needed to learn how to balance his friendships, so that everybody doesn't feel left out.  Anyways, I just found out that him and the girl that he was dating (online dating with Match.com) aren't together anymore.  Should I just leave him alone, or see where things go.  I love him so much.  It's hard for me to get over him, everybody says that's what I should do.  I do feel that he has feelings for me.  I know that I don't want to become a lonely old cat lady with no family!  I've also heard this plenty of times, "If you love something then let it go, if it comes back to you then it's meant to be or it's yours."  My question is, He keeps on coming back to me, so does that mean that we are meant to be together and should work on things?  Anybody have any advice on what I should do?  Should I close the door on him and I? Or should I see where things go between us?     .

Edited 11/15/2007 9:44 am ET by jojo1048..

Comments (5)

Your question was: Should a person be frustrated knowing someone they like is logging onto their Match.com account?.

Hi Jojo,   I went through a very similar experience when I was in my 20's....was engaged to the guy and we mutually broke it off.   I told him at the time we split ways there would be a day when both of us were content with our lives, would run into each other and continue what we had forever.   That was 25 years ago.....and to my surprize for the first time in 25 years he and I ran into each other....both of us very content, very single.  Every emotion we had came back to us stronger than it was 25 years ago.  We are so happy with each other now.  I know in my heart, as I did back then that he was the "one".....we just couldn't make it work then.   Time does heal, it also allows you to grow into the person you want to become.   I say let it go..........Fate works in mysterious way. ..

Comment #1

Thank you so much for the advice.  I am going to continue, just taking one day at a time and see where things lead too.  I will keep you updated. ..

Comment #2

It sounds like you both have toyed with the idea of rekindling your romance over time.  I think that if he wanted to date using Match.com you again he'd contact you.  Sometimes it is a good idea to make a call or email to let a guy know you like him if he is hesitant to make a move or doesnt know you like him, but you and he are very familiar with each other so shyness shouldnt be a deterent when it comes to you. .

Those cute little phrases like "If you love something then let it go, if it comes back to you then it's meant to be or it's yours" are nice rationalizations to help people cope with uncomfortable or unhappy circumstances.  Sometimes it works out sometimes it doesnt so the person is left thinking "it wasnt meant to be" when it all had to do with the fact that they let an opportunity slide by.  I prefer  Steve Winwood's "if you see a chance take it...find romance...it's all on you."  Many people prefer to sit back and allow circumstances, "fate",  or other people control their lives and that's fine...because it takes less work or exposure to pain to live that way..

If you really want to explore the "what ifs" about your ex then do it.  At least you'll know.   I tend to back away from guys who let me slip through their fingers because 1) they cant really be all that interested in me, 2) they have no "zing" to them, no passion - because if a guy is really into a woman he wont let anything or anyone stand in his way, 3) it tells me a lot about how they live their lives overall.  So if you feel that your ex is allowing you to slip by and you feel that his "want" of you is really important, then let him slide by.  However, if you feel that there could be a good reason for him not making the first move, then you contact him, but dont do all the work...

Comment #3

LOVED YOUR ANSWER!!! specially this part:.

"tend to back away from guys who let me slip through their fingers because 1) they cant really be all that interested in me, 2) they have no "zing" to them, no passion - because if a guy is really into a woman he wont let anything or anyone stand in his way, 3) it tells me a lot about how they live their lives overall.  So if you feel that your ex is allowing you to slip by and you feel that his "want" of you is really important, then let him slide by.  However, if you feel that there could be a good reason for him not making the first move, then you contact him, but dont do all the work.".

I read parts of that book "he is not that into you if"  and I almost cried even though it was supposed to be a funny book.  It is so true, if a guy is really interested, he will ask for your number, he will call, he will make an attempt to talk to you or see you more often and he will jump in. And I also agree that if you are interested you should drop a hint and then let him "take the ball and run with it" - if that is what he wants to do, instead of doing all of the work for him (which I have made the mistake of doing in the past). .

I get this feeling that maybe he might be just keeping her "warm" incase other things do not work out for him...but they are both so young!! They are babies - no need to be rushing into a serious relationship (thru Match.com) just yet. Maybe this is the time to really explore and open their hearts to other possibilities. .

 ..

Comment #4

Well, no one likes to be kept as a warmer for someone's lonely Saturday nights.  they are both in their twenties and usually men dont know what they want in life period in their twenties let alone who is right for them for marriage...

Comment #5


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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