Your question was: Settling: is this real or not?.
"So given his more overt interest I'm not sure if I really do like him or if I'm just reacting to the attention." this is a great question. When you think of him do you smile? Can you see yourself kissing him in a passionate way? Do you think of him in a sexual way? When you don't hear from him do you miss him?I can understand that you are concerned about it taking frequent get togethers for you to begin liking him in a romantic way, but sometimes you don't get to see a guy's personality until you spend more time with him. Sometimes it goes the other way...you learn that you cant stand his personality, hehe. However, if a big part of you hopes that he just gets over it, then maybe you are right in assuming you are responding to the attention or...maybe you are afraid of getting hurt...
You're used to feeling like the ugly ducking and wanting guys who don't want you. Enjoy being the object of someone's attention, it sounds like you like him too. Just spend time together - no promises, no commitments - and see where it goes. If nothing else hopefully this will help convince you that yes, you are an attractive creature worthy of a great guy's attention.
Well I've pretty much decided. We went out to the jazz festival last Thursday. He was being kind of touchy feely. Not in a gross way, just like he was testing the waters to see how I would react. What sealed the deal was my response. Involuntarily I shied away from him when he would try to link arms etc.
So that pretty much sealed it for me. I'm a pretty physical person and when I have a crush on someone I love touching them - the whole goosebumps giggly thing is totally me. So for me to not want to touch him convinced me I really don't like him like that. Anyway before we parted ways for the night he came out and told me that he wants to be my bf and I explained (tried to explain) that I'm not looking for a relationship (thru Match.com) right now but I'm enjoying my freedom w/o commitments and responsibilities. The other night I was talking to my girlfriend about it and she said he goes after just about everyone.
I don't think he's a player I just think he's fickle and a hopeless romantic. But I'm not one to be somebody else's flavour of the week. It really doesn't make a girl feel special you know?..
It sounds like you know yourself pretty well. It's good that you were open minded to exploring your feelings about this guy. I don't think you were his "flavor of the week". It sounds like he is just looking for someone to date using Match.com and he gets very enthusiastic about the prospects of dating (online dating with Match.com) someone, and of course, getting laid, but almost in a desperate kind of way. If he is a player, he's not very smooth about it and made the mistake of doing the social circle - I mean women who all know each other - bad move - so he is not an accomplished player. An accomplished player doesn't make that mistake - he keeps his worlds very far apart.
He approached each of you within a very close time frame. It would be different if he approached your friend a year ago. But the way he handled it ... I would see it as "oh, so Jane rejected you so now I start to look good to you? Later for you." Yeah - I can totally see your point...
That's it exactly. Only the first girl to reject him wins the rest are in decreasing order of desirability...