Self Respect vs Love, Bar Groupie dilema

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I am crazy for a guy. He is very shy, geeky, and also overworked so it has been hard to get things out of him. However, I know for a fact that there is mutual attraction and he is interested. Everytime we are together it is when he is working at his bar (as of now, he has no time outside of work).. He asks me to come out, I do, and scrounge up as many free seconds he has I can.. I am crazy for this guy, he gets me on so many levels as I him.

I am approached by guy after guy after guy while I am waiting. I know this probably intimidates him, but I can't help it! All of these interested guys, when all I want is the interest of one who isn't able to pay attention to me!!! These nights staying out until 3 while I have to work the next day are also getting to me.I dont know what I'm asking... Guess I just needed to vent.. Advice would be good.. I am so sad when we dont get us time- he's such an amazing guy.

Right now he has to work 16 hour days 7 days a week and that's that. I can't see a compromise.. And he has yet to ask me out during the little glimmer of free time he might have every week.. This sucks!!!..

Comments (4)

Your question was: Self Respect vs Love, Bar Groupie dilema.

A man who is sincerely interested will let you know it and he willmake time for you in his life, regardless of how full it is. That said, until his schedule frees up some, if this were me, I wouldn't be so accomodating and visiting him at his job. That isn't dating (online dating with or getting to know each other - but it is an easy way for him to get your time and attention without having to change HIS routine. He isn't going out of his way for you - but you are!Youare sacrificing what is best for you to make it easy for him to occupy your time and attention - Hon, you are giving up sleep and your time and energy for a man who hasn't shown a willingness to do anything for you. Good relationships require reciprocity on both sides - and one side can't do all of the accomodating as you are doing.You admit you want the 'unavailable' man - like attracts like - consider what you are getting by dating (online dating with men who are unavailabe? Having done this myself for a number of years, all you are doing is keeping yourself unavailable for a good and truly intimate relationship (thru with someone who IS available. For me it was a protection mechanism - by choosing someone with a built in barrier (distance, emotionally unavailable, workaholic, etc) then I had someone to blame when things didn't work out - and they never did.

When you solve that riddle, you can change the outcomes..


Comment #1

Why dont you give this guy your phone number and tell him that when he has a free moment you would love to go out sometime?..

Comment #2

Sweetie...if he wanted to sepnd time with you outside of his jobs he would find the time. You are spinning your wheels and for what?? Be a responsible woman and get to bed at a reasonable hour and don't spend time with him while he works. Make him come to you...yeah I know....if you do he won't....but that would solve your problem now won't it?Thom.


Comment #3

Wait - you spend hours and hours fending off interested guys, just hanging out at a bar waiting for him to spend a few free moments with you - and he doesn't make an effort to spend his little pockets of free time with you? What is wrong with this picture and why is this an appealing proposition for you? .

There's lots of other guys out there who I'm sure can make time for you.  Why not get out of the bar and try to find one? .


Comment #4

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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