Rules About dating (online dating with Several Men

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Hi,I have read lots of books and articles on dating, but I could never really understand one thing. Most of the dating (online dating with advices always talk about how a woman should date using other men untill a guy asks her to be his official girlfriend. At the moment, I have a few men in my life that take me out. I only kissed one of them, but haven't done anything else with others. So, what kind of rules apply to dating (online dating with several men at the same time? Is it okay to kiss and make out with them, or should I be very distant and unapproachable in that sense? I think that it's kind of slutty to do that, but at the same time I would like to know if there is sexual chemistry between me and my suitors. Any advice or guidelines when it comes to monogamous dating?..

Comments (10)

Your question was: Rules About dating (online dating with Several Men.

I know I've written several posts on this topic recently. I'll try to find one and bump it up for you...

Comment #1

Everyone has their own way of doing things. I prefer to date using one man at a time and really get to know him and see if he is right for me in any way - maybe just casual dating (online dating with or maybe a long term relationship (thru - but one person at a time. To date using other men would just be a distraction and would prevent any real connection being formed with the one who is right for you. So unfortunately the advise books are wrong, JMHO.Another advise book that is dead wrong is "Mars & Venus on A Date". What a crock of sh$t this book is...a disaster. John Gray gives license to terrible behavior from men.

So women are supposed to SUCK IT UP when a guy decides that he is going to pull away from see if he really wants yo???!!! That is sociopathic behavior...not love. A real relationship (thru with a real man (who really wants a real woman) starts out with interest, dating, getting closer and closer until the relationship (thru either breaks up or ends in marriage. That, ladies, is how it is supposed to be. I should have known that John Gray would never give any one any real advise. This book should be taken off of the market for aiding and abeting mental abuse of women.

Oh really? Well, just like I told my mother earlier...he can either feel my resentment or my foot up his ass kicking him out the door. Take your pick...resentment or foot. Because...we have a right to be angry when men get lazy after "stage 3" and feel that they completed their task and wooed us and now they can sit back and relax...bullsh#t!Oh...and what is this ridiculousness about giving a guy a "friendly" call in between his rubber band snaps just to let him know it is okay for him to approach again??!!! Because...if you DARE stand up for yourself and make it clear you are not here for his amusement...then he will be too afraid to make an approach and apologize. Screw that!! When did this happen to everyone?!! I first picked up the book today. What is this b.s.

I personally dont believe in soul's just more garbage to make women nuts. And Gray says that you and your soul mate have unconditional love and no matter what he does to you you are going to love him? I dont think so. Everyone has their limits. Everyone needs to love themselves enough to not accept horrible treatment...

Comment #2

Well, snafu, I haven't read any of Gray's books, so not sure what you are talking about. The datings books that I have read are "He is not that into you," "The Rules," "Dating without Drama," "Unofficial Guide to dating (online dating with Again," and many others. I actually found some really good advices in there. For me personally, I can't date using one man at a time, since I only see him once in a week or two weeks, so I have lots of free time to meet others. And, I also don't like shifting all of my energy to one man, since there are so many good men out there, so it's a matter of finding them and then making your pick. However, at the same time, I don't want to seem like I am whoring around and making out with every single one of them. Anyways, anyone else has any comments on the subject?..

Comment #3

Hi!!i don't think it's wrong at all, guys do it all the time. besides, you can't be stuck with one person who you don't really have a connection with. and to find that you have to see whats out there to get what you really want. I think you should keep dating (online dating with the guys you are seeing right now and if you want to go to the other level, then why not as long as you don't hurt them emotionaly, it should be alright. or just keep it friendly until you'll find more about them to go to the next step. don't worry about the whore thing.


Comment #4

Read the book "date like a man" and you'll get your answers. I'd re-phrase the statement of <<<a woman should date using other men untill a guy asks her to be his official girlfriend>>>> You don't have to wait till a man asks you because you're the one picking them, you are the one dating (online dating with them. Why should a woman wait? Men date using several women at one time and pick the one they like so why can't women do the same?Rules while dating (online dating with several men:1. date using several men at one time to get more chances at meeting "Mr. Right for you"..2. Kiss and don't tell.3.

Demand respect and don't take crap from any man.5. Sleep with them only when you have had the "being exclusive talk".6. You date using the men, you pick the one good for you.7. Don't wait till they make up their minds. They may never make up their minds because they are dating (online dating with several women.8.

Be practical, there is a sea of men out there. That's how men think and get over a woman. Sounds familiar?9. Don't put all your eggs in one basket.10. Enjoy the dating (online dating with experienc..

Comment #5

Hey there,Well these are pretty much the rules that I have been dating (online dating with by recently. But, there are a few new ones, so thanks for your feedback. I might check out that book, so going to search for it on amazon. I do have one question though. How do I let them know that I picked them? I mean, from what I know, the girl is not supposed to have the talk first. So, from what I've read from your post, it's the other way around? By the way, does it also say anything about doing a little more than kissing? I would never sleep with someone unless he is my bf, but I do still like to have some steamy make-out sessions rather than just kissing, even though I only kissed with one guy so far, that's it. Thanks again for your advice! Thanks guys for your feedback!..

Comment #6

<<<I do have one question though. How do I let them know that I picked them? I mean, from what I know, the girl is not supposed to have the talk first. So, from what I've read from your post, it's the other way around?>>>Where do you find that the girl is not supposed to have the first talk? From grandma or an older book in the 19th century? Nowadays, women are powerful and know themselves. They don't "wait" for the man to have the talk. If you like a guy that you've been dating (online dating with for a while and know that there could be a future together, that he has similar values and that both have some commonalities in character and view in morals, life and goals then YOU may say to him: "I feel that we could get to know each other better at a more personal level and be exclusive. I like the view you have on......insert.....

We have similar goals and such....add more if you want".That leaves the door open for him to answer you. If he says "Yes, I feel the same way" then you know that you and him will seriously date using and get to know each other. IF not, the it's be "OK, I see your point, BUT I'm not at that point of my life where I see myself with one woman only. I want to date using more, blah, blah..". That only says that he's not the one for you because you're ready and he's not.

No hard feelings or else. No crying and such because you don't even know him. You feel attracted by his personality, but you don't know him. Even if you wait he may never pick you because he's not on the same page and that will only aggravate the level of frustration, yours. <<<<<By the way, does it also say anything about doing a little more than kissing?>>>>That depends on you.

You're sending mixed messages because after the kiss turns into erection for men and other for women then you've past the line to a sexual relationship. Even if there is no oral or intercourse, you're sexually excited and the next step for men is all the way, unless they're not into that. In my view, you can kiss a guy, yes and that doesn't mean that you're committed. You can kiss and make out, but keep your hands off his privates and keep his hands off your boobs and privates. That will set a limit for both of the parties.

In my experience. heavy make out sessions and heavy petting only lead to one soonner or later.If you want to havce sex, have the exclusive talk and get the medical statement with a CLEAN BILL OF HEALTH for every std in the bookand aids/hiv.It's your call...

Comment #7

HI Light and Bright,Thanks for your advice. It makes perfect sense. Definetly a classy way to date using men without being too much. XOXOXSasH..

Comment #8

It's ok to casually date using several guys -i.e. a little physicality but nothing too heavy.  Test the waters so to speak until one of the "relationships" starts presenting itself as something to pursue further.


Comment #9

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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