Real Mad

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Hi all...have not been on in a while...trying to keep busy in the last several months.

Trying new things in the dating (online dating with world.  Anyway, the last time I wrote was regarding a.

Guy I was seeing that ended in him being rude to me and telling me that something was missing.

And that it wasn't working for him, blah blah blah...we left off back in March with him telling me.

He was busy with work and that he was dating (online dating with someone else (2 weeks after we broke up).  I have not spoken to him since then.

So, the person who set us up, I work with.  I really moved on with myself and havn't really thought of him.

As I did then (about 7 months has past since we were together).  I was doing fine not knowing what he was up to and really trying to move on...My love life has been crap though and have not had any luck with finding a b/f and a bit down and out, but hopeful.  So, the person whom I work with has not said anything about him in the last 5 months or so to me, which I appreceiate because I do not want to know what is going on with him and I don't ever ask about him because I just don't want to know.  It's better for me like that.  And I don't elaborate or tell anyone what's going on w/me at work anymore, part because I have nothing really good going on and part I just become more private.  So, All this time I thought this person was giving me the respect of not telling me about him because it's a sensitive topic.  I don't know this person to be a nasty hurtful person to me so never thought she would have said what she said to me the other day.  Well out of the blue the other day we were talking about this woman she is related to and then she all of a sudden tells me she spoke with this guy I was dating (online dating with (that she had set me up with).  then she blurts out "he's going out w/this girl and actually living with her".... OhI was real mad at this point and choked it up and just said "oh" and nothing else and then acted like I was not paying attention to her at the heck could she have said such a thing like that to me.  I think she was waitng for my reaction or something??  I don't know why she would hurt me like this...was there a motive I wondered or to see if I had a thing for him still??? Why????  Well I ignored her all day and she kept trying to say what's wrong to me what's the matter??? I replied "oh nothing" ...I am still so furious at her...any advice in the matter???  I can't shake this ugly feeling I have and I'm upset.  I was doing ok not knowing and now he is w/someone and living together w/her, it makes me sick knowing about it!!.

(   What do I do???  I am so pissed!!!  It just hurts ya know and it's just not a good feeling at all.  Thanks!!!! ..

Comments (10)

Your question was: Real Mad.

Maybe your co-worker felt that after 7 months you would really be over it, had moved on, and didn't intend any ill-will toward you.


Comment #1

Yeah maybe, but it was inappropriate. .

The way she said it was like she was waiting for a reaction.  I just didn't need to hear it and.

Maybe I'm just not over it fully & because I haven't been able to find new love yet.  I don't have a desire to.

Hear bout any exes personal lives.  Maybe I should have told her that & if she does it again I'll tell her-stop!.

Why wouldn't she go on with the conversation or at least try? It was just really weird. ..

Comment #2

I believe you when you say something was wrong with the way she approached the situation.  Some people are just mean and they get a kick out of jabbing an innocent person just to see if she bleeds. .

If she keeps hounding you then you can say that you were upset with her inappropriateness at work.  You can say that you thought she understood that you prefer to not discuss personal matters (and that includes exes) at work and you were taken aback by her behavior.  If she prods to see if it is about the guy...then you counter that with - "no, it has nothing to do with him because I am happy we both have moved on.  It is all about YOU and now that you are pushing me to talk, let's just make sure we have an understanding again that I dont feel it is appropriate to discuss such matters at work."  Just stick to her and her behavior and your reaction to it and you'll be just fine..

If you feel that it is not safe to open up on at work this way about men and dating, then you are doing yourself a favor by not talking too much about your dating (online dating with life or anything negative about your personal life. ..

Comment #3

I totally agree with you on several points however your friend does not read minds or hearts. She doesn't know that you are still sensitive to this guy. I totally understand b/c I am living it also.

I did have to talk to a friend of mine and I said "I hope you understand but I just don't want to hear about G, his life, his name or anything about him. I know that he is a common denominator in our friendship but I hope you understand." She was very understanding. She just didn't know until I told her. Don't feel bad being vulnerable to your girlfriends. She may need to do the same with you some day.


Comment #4

Thank you all for your help & advice.  I was just frazzled that she would say that much to me about him and.

His personal life.  Gosh I just have these unresolved feelings that I didn't think that I even had so much..

It's just very hard to hear and all.  I think I will talk to her about it though especially if she brings it up again, as she hasn't yet.  I did speak to her about other things, just not about this yet.  Maybe she wanted to see if I still thought about him or more of trying to get me to talk about what's been going on in my lovelife???.

It's just so hard to believe that only after 7 months he's living w/someone already? These things are just so hard.  I feel as almost there was a reason for this said & me hearing this and I'd like to figure it out. And it's not that I am not getting on w/my life, I have, just haven't been lucky finding someone yet.  I hope to real soon though!!!  Thanks so much again!!!  TTYL!!..

Comment #5

I dated a guy for 7 weeks and did NOT have sex with him but I thought he was the one. We never really had a break up conversation. He just pushed me away I got mad and we were done. But I held on to him for a year. I know I know a whole year. Every time I saw him I hoped he would take one look at me and fall madly in love with me and we would start all over again.

When I finally talked to my bf she told me she had "No clue that I was still pining for him. That I did a good job of hiding my true feelings." It wasn't until I called him and asked him to meet me for a 30 min conversation that I got something totally unexpected, closure. I wanted to tell him lets me friends again and move forward. That we wasted the last year by avoiding each other. Of course deep down I was hoping we would start as friends and work our way back to dating.

Private to a fault. I was interested in you but I didn't know what I wanted. I am not one of those men that needs to be in a relationship. I just don't. If I don't end it with you back then I would have played you.

Drop down on my knees in my heart." Other than this crushing me in so many ways it was what I needed to hear. At that very moment the switch flipped from your the one to you will never be the one. No man will ever tell me twice "I can't love you". For me after a year of thinking about him and still having very strong feelings for him this was the closure I needed. Obviously you can't contact your guy b/c he's involved with someone else but maybe you can get closure by talking with your co-worker/friend...

Comment #6

Well if was information you were perhaps bound to find out at some point anyway.  It's not your friend's fault that this happened. She could have told you in a more sensitive, manner, though.  Apparently she didn't realize how upsetting this still was for you..

And why are you so pissed? You didn't go out with him for that long, and he showed himself to be totally oblivious by dating (online dating with someone again so soon.  It sounds like your ego, self esteem is wrapped up in what this guy thinks of you.  You need to emotionally split from him - find your own strength and self appreciation and love will come..



Comment #7

Yes, again it's unlikely your friend thought it would hurt you to this degree.  Could be you're projecting some of your anger at yourself and him onto your friend?.


Comment #8

Hi...Yes, I know it's kinda ridiculous to feel like this, I didn't know I would even react like that. .

I just didn't think she would tell me in that manner as she did and the seriousness of his new lovelife.  I feel it's rude to me regardless if I felt for him or not.  It's just not nice. .

Okay maybe I would have found out in the long run, but if she never told me, I wouldn't.

Find out any other way but from him, which is unlikely because.

We do not speak & are not friends now.  Our only ties are thru my friend at work (she is related.

To him) and that's really it.  I don't really think she was trying to hurt me intentionally (but who knows what her motive really was) we just have never spoke about him that way in a while.  It boils down to he was the jerk to me and he found love evidently and I have not yet...I am trying and have been.  Maybe it is my ego & self esteem herebut it was bruised by him in the past and I know I am the better person in all of this. I just can't believe sometimes that he didn't want to be with me.  I know it's a bit vein...sorry.  I just never dated someone whom didn't work out that I have to be reminded of all the timeit feels like. .

  No, I am not projecting anger toward her, she wanted us to be together sooo much.  She was really great to me until this comment.  She wanted it to work with us. I really don't know why I was so bothered by it, I guess I am annoyed that I didn't find love before him and the fact that I think he had this person when we were together.  I guess I am reminded of him all the time.  To tell you the truth it's hard to hear about others success because I feel as if I am just a big darn failire with my lovelife.  It upsets me sometimes....

I do have those things for myself, really I do...and I yes, I know I will find that mutual love I want so much!    Thanks!!!!  ) ..

Comment #9

Wow, yes I guess closure is a good thing.  I did think I had it.  Thanks for sharing your story w/me. .

But, yes when I am ready I'll talk to my co-worker about it and hoepfully get the closure I need.  Sometimes it's hard because she is much older than I am & some things she can understand and some not. .

I don't deal w/(knowing what exes do after me) so great.  It tends to bother me, especially.

If I really liked them.  I know it sounds crazy but who knows why I get like that..

Thanks for your help!!!  )..

Comment #10

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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