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Hey guys.  I'ved posted here numerous times in the should I stay or go board before about my ex.  I am now single and enjoying it, but theres a girl in my class that has caught my eye..

Now for this class, we have an online space, it's a message board where we can interact with everyone in the class since it's a class of 60.  We posted introductions about ourselves and when she posted her I made small talk about hers because I was interested in her.  In reply she told me to say hi in class.  I've tried this twice and she told me to say hi again, but whenever I look she looks but nothing comes out cuz I think she's shy and I am too..

So today I just took a big risk.  We've been relying on the saying hi in class thing for a few weeks now and I decided that if I wanted to get to know her better I had to do something different.  What I did was send her a message.  In the email I started it off casually saying "I TOTALLY said hi today and you didn't say hi back.  I know this is completely random and if your weirded out, or don't want to I totally understand, but I was wondering if it was at all possible for me to call or text you sometime.  I guess I'll see ya tuesday, have a good weekend".

I left the message at that and sent it.  We don't know alot about each other, but it seems like she showed interest towards me, so I threw myself out there...was this a good or bad decision?  Something about this girl really grabs my attention but I didn't want to say that because that would sound weird considering that we havent talked in person once...

Comments (11)

Your question was: Question about asking for a number....

I thought it was very sweet! See chicas, This is a true example of when a man is interested, he'll ask you out, no matter how shy he is..

I hope it works out for you. Good luck, let us know how it turns out!..

Comment #1

I got a reply.  In my message I said can I "call or text" you sometime.  She said "Texting is fine" and gave me her number!.

Now her saying texting is fine, do you think thats a bad thing?  I was thinking it's because we havent talked in person yet and talking on the phone would be awkward since we havent said anything in person yet...

Comment #2

This girl sounds shy. But don't let that discourage you. She gave you her number which is what you sought out to get! Don't come on too strong, just see where it goes. I think she likes you...

Comment #3

Sometimes it's good to take a risk - let us know how it turned out.

,..

Comment #4

Here's a little update for everyone and some more questions....

So I texted her last friday..it was random talk and it was going horribly so I stopped texting after she didn't reply to me..

Saturday I'm hanging with my friends and she texts me asking where I'm at.  I told her where I was and asked her what she was up to, she said she was going to the pub with her friend, then she sent a flirty text saying I should buy her a bowl of soup.  I said "I might take you up on that offer lol".  Then what happened was me and my friends ended up not going.  So I asked her if she was still there later, then she said "no, but are you looking to do something?"  I offered for me and a friend to meet up with her and maybe we could follow each other to find something to do, she shot it down cuz it was almost 1 am.  Then I asked if she wanted to meet up somewhere and just hang out there, she turned it down too cuz of the time.  Then I said "my friends and I are starting a fire in his pit".  She replies "will there be marshmellows?".  I said "we can arrange that".  Then 10 mins later she says she can't go because her friend isn't feeling good, then they went to bed..

So sunday she texts me asking me whats up and keeping the convo going.  We made plans to go to the pub one on one monday night so I asked if they still on and she said yes.  Then since she canceled and backed out of so many ideas the night before I asked if she was sure that she wanted to go then she said "haha why wouldn't i?"  so I said "well we havent talked in person and i'll admit I'm nervous".  Then she says "haha don't be nervous".  So she then says "I'm gunna go take a nap ill text you when I wake up".  She didnt text me the rest of the day..

So we made plans to go to the pub tonight one on one to talk and get to know each other.  Once again, she cancels plans.  When I ask why she says she has to teach her friend to parallel park.  Then she said I could go if I wanted, but out of frustration for her being so wish-washy I said "I doubt you want me there haha".  I was serious about it but threw in the "haha" to sorta break the tension of what I said..

Then she goes on to say "I'm in a controlling issue sry".  I said to her..."what do you mean?"  Then she says that she is in a controlling relationship (thru Match.com) but trying to get out of it.  What I said next might have blown it, but I felt it needed to be said, I said "Well if you don't want me to ask to hang out or text anymore until things get figured out for you, I totally understand".  I didn't know what else to say besides that because I was in a situation like this months ago and kept persuing the girl and it didn't work out, she stayed with her bf so I didnt want a repeat of that..

Honestly though, can anyone give me advice what to do?  I have two possible senarios, which do you think it is?.

1) She is interested in me, but has a bf and doesn't want a bad breakup.  She keeps trying to make plans, but then she cancels them on me just as quick as she makes them.  But then shes the one that will text me the next day to keep the conversation going..

2) She's simply screwing around with me..

The worst part is, I don't know her that well, so I don't know if shes in a controlling relationship (thru Match.com) or not, all I know is that I put myself out there to get her number and now I regret it.  If anyone has any advice I'd really appreciate it..

Comment #5

She has a boyfriend.  Therefore, she is not currently available..

As you can see, it's bad to pursue someone with a boyfriend.  First of all, IMO, it's morally wrong.  Second of all, it gives her an excuse to jerk her around.  Third - she's going behind her bf's back to text you, flirt with you and make plans with you.  So if you DO end up with her, and the going gets rough, rather than break it off, she'll go flirt and text with someone else.  If she can do it WITH you, she'll do it TO you..

Let her know to give you a call or to send you a message when she's no longer in her "controlling relationship"...

Comment #6

Heres just a small update on the situation.....

I've moved on from her because she hasn't been that big a part of my life cuz we barely know each other..

But two weeks ago, my friends dad died.  At the viewing I saw a girl who I used to be friendly with and was supposed to be set up with years ago and we started talking.  Things with me and her are going slow but good, we are both interested in each other but are taking our time..

Now this girl from my class texts me and wants me to go to the library with her tomorrow to help her with our project.  The first thing about this project is that we are doing our projects on two seperate people, so she doesnt need my help, but she insisted on me going.  I am going tomorrow because I was planning on using tomorrows class time to get some sites and sources for my presentation for the project, but now shes tagging along.  I'm going with her and sure I'll talk to her but I'm not going for her especially with her having a bf last I heard and with me starting to really get to know and get feelings for this other girl, but honestly...can anyone understand why this girl messes with me then stops for a week or so and keeps it goin again?..

Comment #7

If I understand everything correctly, then to me she sounds confused about her boyfriend.  I have had friends in this situation before.  They knew it was ready to let go because the person wasn't for them/was bad to them, etc but as we all know, it is difficult to let go!  It is drama that I personally wouldn't want to be caught up in if I were you.  If she's cool and you want to keep her as a friend, then keep it friendly.  Then one day when they are broken up and there are still sparks with you guys, then maybe it can go further then.  Also, I am in disagreement with people who always say if they do it to one person, that means they will do it to you.  To me, that is not necessarily the case (i.e. that because she is talking to you behind her boyfriend's back that she will talk to other guys behind your back). ..

Comment #8

I totally agree with you! I used to think that I had to do the guys part to make it easy on them, because I thought they were just shy and needed a little encouragement..but I noticed that when guys are really interested they WILL do it all on their own.  They will ask e-mail, phone number, ask you if it is ok to walk you to your car, etc.  Someone told me a few years ago, "let men be men, give them a change to do so"..

Comment #9

Sorry for the month old bump on this topic, I just wanted to update it instead of starting all over again.....

The situation got somewhat confusing lol.  I had pretty much given up on this girl from my class because I didn't want to get involved with someone that was with a bf at the time.  So I met another girl and started getting to know her better but I found out that the newer girl has a stalker ex bf that cheated on her for 9 months out of the two years they were together.  So i've still been hanging with this girl and getting to know her, we like each other but aren't in a relationship (thru Match.com) and probably won't be.  I think I sorta rushed into talking to her though because things with the girl in my class didn't work out, but none the less we are on dating (online dating with Match.com) terms but not going out..

So the other day I texted the girl from my class just to see how she was doing and she suprisingly texted back, we got talking and we made plans for this past monday to hang out.  Now in the past she had broken plans every 2 seconds and I thought she was just messing around with me.  Monday the plans went through, we saw Saw 4 then drove around for 2 hours just talking basically.  She told me that her ex read my texts to her the other night and that was the boost that was needed to finally have them end the relationship (thru Match.com) and she thanked me for that.  Those two hours in the car though there was not a single moment of silence with the exception of us making fun of the fact that we were both nervous going into this night because we thought it would be nothing BUT awkward silence.  I can say that I never clicked so well with someone before and we had a great time.  We share the same opinions on so many things and I really felt like we clicked well.  We are going to hang out again this week I believe..

I told the other girl I met about the girl from my class prior to me seeing her monday to make sure it was 100% ok with her and she said yes because we aren't in a relationship (thru Match.com) because she doesn't want one.  But last night I found out she drove past my house, past the gym I workout at and by a local Denny's where I was currently eating.  I also found out that she picked up smoking again which is my biggest turnoff ever.  She seems to keep getting wrapped up in her ex bf and having a hard time getting over him despite me and her being on "dating" terms with each other.  She also has seemed extremely distant towards me which I don't get, but everytime we talk she is standoffish and every survey she does on her myspace there is always references to her ex bf.  Recently she put up pictures from her party that I was at, and she put up pics of her ex bf from when they were together and not one single picture of me and her, so I'm starting to take the hint..

It's weird how things work out but the girl from my class came back around and was legit about everything even though I thought it was her messing with me because I always doubt myself.  So basically I'm sorta in a pickle with these two girls, one seems to be fading away and the other seems to be more of what I'm looking for right now. .

I decided to just take things slow with both of them and don't let things escalate without knowing the girl from my class' intentions, basically finding out whether she is into me and wants a relationship (thru Match.com) down the road or not.  Also I want to know what is going on with me and the other girl I met because me and her were doing great for a while but she still keeps distancing me..

Comment #10

Like it or not, and not to totally generalize - men do like to pursue.

,..

Comment #11


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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