Pratice dating (online dating with - Is this okay?

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Hello, I am three months out of a serious relationship (thru (five years, one year engaged) and try to get out there, have some fun and meet new people.  I have met a guy and have been on two dates with him.  He is a nice guy but not relationship (thru potential at all.  I have been told by a friend that I should consider this "practice dating" and that it is best that he isn't relationship (thru potential as then I wouldn't get so involved.  She thinks I should continue to see him but make it very clear to him what my intentions are so that we don't get too involved.   He is younger than I and dating (online dating with is new to him so it is kind of that we are teaching each other (both in our early twenties).  I just feel like this is useless though.  I know what I want in a guy so shouldn't I be searching for that and not accepting anything less or is my friend right that I need to "practice" so when the right guy comes around I will be much more confident?.

If you agree with my friend, any advice on how to tell him my intentions without coming across cold and like I am using him?  He goes out of town for work 2 weeks and is in town for 1 week so I am hoping he is thinking that this can't be serious as well..


Comments (6)

Your question was: Pratice dating (online dating with - Is this okay?.

I have gotten similar advice from people in the past and I cant do it either - use someone for practice.   I dont think you need practice on how to date using someone or how to love someone. Either you love someone or you dont. You see, this relationship (thru will not prepare you on how to love someone because you dont love this will not have the same relationship (thru with him as with a man who you really love..

With this particular guy...if you both see each other as a casual commitment but maybe monogamous until one of you meets someone else...then I dont see why you cant at least have some fun in your life.  Have you discussed possibly being casual?  You can say that right now, being just out of a serious relationship (thru I am just interested in us being casual..but monogamous...meaning that we can date using and have fun but it will end when one of us meets someone else...

Comment #1

Well, if you were to continue to do this, you WOULD be using him so no, there's no way to be honest and not sound like you're doing what you are doing..

Don't "hope" that he's not seriousthat's not taking responsibility.  If you decide to go out with him again, make it clear to him that you don't see him as a potential partner for a serious LTR but that you enjoy his company and would like to continue to see him on a casual basis if he's ok with that..

But honestly I'd stop seeing himI don't think what your friend is suggesting is fair or right..



Comment #2

Thank you for the advice.  Much appreciated.  I am going out for a drink with him tonight and I am going to mention that I am getting out of a very serious relationship (thru (I am implied this but not sure if he really got how serious the relationship (thru was) and that I am looking for something casual, not exclusive, no labels.  That I am looking to have some fun, hang out and that I would like to continue to see him but only if we are on the same page.  If we ever get to a physical point I will then ask for that to be exclusive but I am not going there at this time.  I think that being honesty with him is the only way to go.  I don't want to walk away from this if this is the possibly that it can just "dating"..

So I am going to be upfront and see where that goes..


Comment #3

Update:  It was easier that I thought it would be - all I had to do was mention that I was engaged and broke it off three months ago.  He figured it out with just that - that I was not looking for something serious, that I am starting a new life and that I want things to be causal.  He was taken back and didn't expect that I was engaged at all.  He just thought that I was getting out of a relationship so it was good to let him know just how serious that relationship (thru was.  So the ball is in his court and I will see if he calls again.  I feel much better although I really do want to see him again.  dating (online dating with is so interesting!..

Comment #4

<< If you agree with my friend, any advice on how to tell him my intentions without coming across cold and like I am using him? >>.

Sure, easy ... just say (in case he doesn't know your recent relationship (thru status) ... "I'm recently out of a long-term relationship (thru and not looking for anything serious right now.".

Contrary to popular belief, many people do 'practice dating' as their regular form of dating!  Meaning, not everyone views dating (online dating with as a preclude to a relationship.    In fact, many guys ... more so than girls ... date using this way.   Women are more 'programmed' to date using with the goal/intent of a relationship (thru ... whereas many men (especially in 20s) can just date using for dating's sake.  .

Point being, not everyone is interested in a relationship (thru ... and dating (online dating with doesn't always mean that that's where things are headed.  There's nothing wrong with "just dating" and enjoying someone's company. ..

Comment #5

Just say that right now all you're ready for is friendship - nothing serious.  That's not leading him on and you're way better off learning who you are and how to be your own person than getting quickly into a new relationship.  You're only in your early twenties, there is plenty of time.  Relax and enjoy getting to know different people.


Comment #6

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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