Power in a relationship?

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Hi everyone,.

I have a question for you all. Do you think one partner in a relationship (thru always has more power than the other, but there are shifts who has more power? Do you also think that the person who cares less has the power?.

I definitely think that the person who cares less (or at least seems to care less) is the more powerful person in the relationship. Also the person who has more of a life outside the relationship (thru has power. I have just come to observe my own relationship (thru and also those of others..

What do you all think?..

Comments (6)

Your question was: Power in a relationship?.

In relationships I've had in the past that didn't work out (-all of them, I'm single) the person who cared less or who was busier with a more active social life has more power. That changed from time to time, and there were shifts.I don't really understand the need for power in a relationship. I want to find someone who cares for me as much as I care for him where we are a team in that love. Does that sound cheesy? I think that unsuccessful relationships are those that concern themselves with 'power'..


Comment #1

I think that "having power" in a relationship (thru is like thinking in "having the upper hand". Why is that one needs power to be in a relationship? The relationship (thru is all about give and take and compromise, not power.  IMHO, if someone thinks they have "power" then he/she needs to revisit the values of why be in a relationship...

Comment #2

~~I think that unsuccessful relationships are those that concern themselves with 'power'.~~Ditto to your post lightandbright and to the statement above. *Power* is useless in an adult loving relationship..


Comment #3

There are different ways to view power.   Some people view power as money, status, or having a more dominating personality..

The one who is less emotionally invested usually does somehow dictate the course of the relationship (thru (where it ends up)  because you cant make a person feel something that he or she doesnt feel..thus determining a person's behavior..

The one who has a busier life may or may not have "power" but can influence the social calendar for the couple..

The one who pays for the dinners, shows and trips does dictate how well the couple lives..

The one who has a more difficult personality can influence how one relates to the other..

Dominance in the relationship (thru does shift back and forth over time depending on how active one is, if one's income increases or decreases, growth in one's mental state and so on.  The key to having a happy enduring relationship (thru is being able to ebb and flow with life's changes and being honest about your needs.  Technically, if one or the other is preoccupied with power in a relationship (thru then the relationship (thru will falter because of mind games and tactics people use to emotionally hold another person down...

Comment #4

I do think the one who cares less and has a more active social life outside the relationship (thru definitely is in a better position to say whether the relationship (thru will go forward or end.

Once a couple is married, however, I think that changes. If one member of the couple loses their financial equality, or never had it to begin with, power shifts to the breadwinner. Historically, women have stayed in terrible relationships because they were unable to provide for themselves and their children, so they tolerated absolute hell. They were unable to affect any change or demand any level of respect for themselves. I'm not suggesting that all SAHMs are powerless, but I do think the golden rule applies in most situations: He who has the gold makes the rules..

If both people come into the relationship (thru as whole people with healthy self esteem and are reasonably successful socially and professionally, it is much easier to establish an equal partnership relationship. That's why I think people should wait to marry until they are approaching 30 (or later)..

Cat .

Mom to 5: DS-17, DD-16, DD-11, DD-9, DS-7.


Comment #5

As far as stay at home moms go...I dont have any personal experience with that type of life, but I'm sure that they take a lot of crap from their husbands...even today..

The person who "cares less" would probably end the relationship (thru sooner or later because he or she cares less.  If a person is less emotionally invested...they can still care just as much but they dont invest as much of themselves to the other person either by withholding thoughts and feelings (maybe too afraid to expose feelings to SO) or doesnt' go out of his or her way to make SO happy .  They ensure that the relationship (thru ends too because a solid relationship (thru cant run very long on limited fuel like that..

A person who has an active social life has many outlets for emotional support, whereby the less active one has less support.  The active social life also leads to meeting new people so the more active one could meet someone else one day and end the original relationship.  But I dont see how it lends itself to having more "power" within the relationship (thru itself..

Control is a myth.  I have no ability to control a man's behavior any more than he can control my behavior or thoughts or feelings.  Game playing is manipulation and it usually backfires on the game player...and rightfully so.  I dont wish to have "power" in any relationship (thru because then it really isnt a relationship (thru it is more about master/slave or employer/employee and that isnt what I want in life.  I want an equal say in how things are run and the quality of my life with that person.  Everyone has a choice when confronted with a controlling person.  You can do what he or she wants or leave.  Abusers will make a person's life miserable whether they leave the relationship (thru or not.  The trick is uncovering that a person is an abuser early on so if you leave, he or she is likely just to find someone else instead of harranging you until you die...

Comment #6

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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