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Pls Advise...

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I started dating (online dating with Match.com) this guy about 3 weeks ago. The first week we went on 3 dates and everything was perfect. The following week we stayed in contact over the phone and set up 2 dates however he cancelled the last one because of work. Ever since that cancellation, I did not hear from him until 4 days later and it was only because he was returning my call. He let me know that work had been hectic and that his father had been in an accident. Then he tells me he is leaving out of the state for 3 days for work purposes.

However, Im concerned about why he does not really call much. My friends say most likely he is not interested anymore and is just being polite in returning my call. Should I just let it be and wait to see if he calls when he gets back or should I call him and see how his trip went?..

Comments (10)

Your question was: Pls Advise....

Hi,from you post, I don't think he's not intersted. he been working and his dad was in an accident. so, yes he's been bz and rightfully so; it's only been 3 wks and if you appear super needy early on, you'll run him off.so, what you can do until his life comes down a little bit is to get more involved in your life. do you date, have gfs, attend school, hobbies? these are all things that will help pass the time along so you won't miss him so much. hopefully, once he has a chance to breathe you will once again be the center of his attention if you're still interested.ravishing..

Comment #1

Thank you so much for replying. I do work and keep myself entertained so it's not so much that Im waiting around for his call as much it is hearing the same question from my friends...did he call? and them coming to the conclusion that he is just being polite in calling me less and less so that things die out progressively. I honestly want to be optimistic and just take it a day at a time but then I start to think, should I call him and say hi since he is the one who is always calling? And then of course I start thinking well if he doesnt call anymore it must be bc it's true that he is no longer interested......

Comment #2

Since you have been on a few dates with him already, I think you can come right out and ask him if "dating is not good for him right now." This way you can hear it directly from him and he could take this as an "out" if he wants to. He would probably ask "why would you say that?" and you could reply, "because I havent heard from you and I have wanted to call and see how you are doing, but I hesitate because I havent heard from you."..

Comment #3

I actually did tell him that I did not feel right calling him because I felt that I was always interrupting since his schedule is so busy. His response was that I should call him and that if in fact he was busy he would not pick up the phone but that he would return my call upon listening to my message...

Comment #4

I would let it be and let him call you. That will give you a much better indication of his interest level than you calling him.And in my experience, few guys will take an out even when it's offered to them. Somehow they think it's better to say "oh, no, I really want to see you, I'm just busy" if you ask, but then never follow up. I don't get it, but apparently they think that's nicer or something.Sheri..

Comment #5

Let's say your mom had an accident, you have a hectic work schedule, you also have to travel out of town for work, plus trying to keep up with day-to-day life responsibilities. Which one of these things would you neglect to go on a 5th date using Match.com with a guy?Unfortunately, sometimes crap happens in life that becomes very distracting and time slips quickly away. After 4 dates he hasn't yet made you a top priority in his life. If you want to label that as "not interested" then you always have the choice to decline his next invite...

Comment #6

If he told you to call him, then call him. See if he can tear himself away for a while to have lunch or dinner and just talk to him and see if dating (online dating with Match.com) is something he cant handle right now. It is no fun to be the only one doing the calling and then feeling like you are imposing. You can let him know that when he is free again to call you and maybe you can pick up where you left off...

Comment #7

Well I thought it out and decided to call him yesterday to c if he had made it back safe and to ask about his father. Even though he did not pick up my call, he did call me back within 10 minutes. The conversation was short yet friendly. No one discussed any future plans and we just left it at "talk to you later".So I have come to the conclusion that I really should just leave things for what they are and give him his space to become available and if he wants to, to call me...

Comment #8

I have recently had a lot going on in my life and I know that I have pushed everyone away. Don't take it personally. Sometimes there really isn't room for more, but that doesn't mean he's not interested. If you really feel a connection w/ this guy maybe you can send him a card or an e-mai in a few weeks just to say that you hope all is well. Don't set any expectations. If he's worth your time he will really appreciate you taking the time to wish him well.

It really does seem that it's just life getting in the way. Good luck!..

Comment #9

I think you have made a wise choice. It's good that you called him because you got to feel him out and now you dont have any questions about it...

Comment #10


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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