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Ok, personally, I think playing games is childish and totally immature. I'm a really direct person. I just tell it like it is and act like it is. If I love you, that's how I'll act. If I'm pissed, you will know it. I think being direct is the best way to go because it will lessen misinterpretations and lessen DRAMA! Of which I am *not* a fan of, whatsoever!My mom says that I shouldn't be so open to my boyfriend and that I should play hard-to-get sometimes.

I was like, how is that when I turned off my phone when he was acting like an ass? She was like, yah, but then you answered the phone the very next day. I think if I had ignored him for over a day, then *I'd* be the one acting like an ass! And when I turn off my phone, it's not me playing a game, it is me being pissed and not feeling like talking to him or anyone else, really. Basically, I don't believe in games... in waiting x-amount of days before calling, etc. Why wait? If you like someone, call them the next day! Or later that day even! To me, it shows me that you are so interested in me, you can't stop thinking about me, etc.What about you? Do you believe "games" or waiting to call or following x-protocol is necessary in certain situations? xoxo,~Halle~..

Comments (44)

Your question was: Playing games.

I'm with you on the No Games thing. I've been talking with/spending time with (I don't want to say "seeing" at this point!) a guy for a couple months and while it started off really good and not at all confusing, now he's playing games and it's messing with my head about what he really wants. I don't have the patience for it because I've been hurt too much in the past and I don't need that again so I, like you, ignore him for a bit. Not to play in his stupid games but because I just don't feel like dealing with him at the time. If they like us, they should show us, and we'll do the same! But that's just me :-)..

Comment #1

Aw, azure, I totally agree! So how has he been playing games lately? What is he doing?..

Comment #2

I think you should be who you are and do what works for you 'playing' anything is a fools errand and doesn't belong in adult relationships. I think as long as you are being true to your self and your nature and openly communicateth others, your relationships will flourish and your conflicts will be more easily worked through.I think 'sometimes' Mom's know best but sometimes they don't. Listen to what others have to say - and take what works and leave the rest - but ALWAYS do what works for you such that you are happy and content with how you interact with others.I'm with you - no need for 2 people to be asses or to make the conflict worse. You can clearly communicate feelings without that created drama.

Toni..

Comment #3

I vote with you on "no games". But that doesn't mean that guys don't believe in games. Alot of times the games that guys play (they feel) ensure that the woman doesn't take them for granted or take advantage of them. So they give a little...and then they take it away. Their theory is to let the woman sweat it out a little so she doesn't complain so much or will be "trained" to be more pliable. Or they try to mess with our heads and self esteem so we can be just a touch insecure so they don't think of messing around on them or, again, take them for granted.

If a guy admires women in front of their GF, he creates an aura around him that says that he is not to be trusted...not the intended message to the woman which he assumes is "there's more fish in the sea, so if you don't take good care of me...I'll survive so you better treat me good". When men give and then take back or create alot of drama (will he call? will he show up?) - again, it amounts to a lack of trust. If a guy purposely waits a few days before calling his desire is to not look like a lap dog, but the message that women receive is..."he's just not that into me" or "he's not thinking about me" and then that results in a woman putting up a wall to protect herself or creates a lack of interest in the man...unless the woman loves drama and feeds off of feeling insecure and untrusting towards the man.Women play games too - being coy, fickle, teasing, using them for their money or their time and they do it to create a want or need for them in the guy and it is just a turn off...unless the guy loves a good power struggle.The fact is that when it is "right" when both parties dont want to put on airs or create a feeling of disinterest or create a feeling of mistrust. True, men don't want to have to change and you know what? I don't want a guy who I have to do a complete makeover on either...too much work and too little to gain. If he is an oaf and creates an aura of mistrust around him with bravado, ogling, being callous and not taking my feelings into account before he starts winking at someone of the opposite sex or anything like that..then I KNOW he is not right for me.

I know guys don't like receiving the treatment they give us (which are games)...so why do it to us?But guys will always think "no" means "yes". This is dangerous on a lot of levels in terms of physical safety. But I have broken off with a number of guys who kept calling and trying to see me, at the time, I thought it was because they thought I was playing a game or hard to get, but now I see there is another part to it and it is being done to other women. When I say I never want to be in your company again, that is what I mean. And for me to say that you would have to do something pretty bad for me to just cut you off like that..

Comment #4

Snaf, I hope they are not as calculated as I think you were saying in your post.. in terms of purposefully pulling back in terms of the whole will he call, will he show up thing?? That is cruel and maddening! God, if my guy were doing that on purpose, I'd dump him in a second!..

Comment #5

<<I hope they are not as calculated as I think you were saying in your post.. in terms of purposefully pulling back in terms of the whole will he call, will he show up thing?? That is cruel and maddening! God, if my guy were doing that on purpose, I'd dump him in a second!>>some guys may do it - just like some women do.. People who do play games intnentionally are immature, insecure and not good partner choices at all. If you are emotionally balanced, people who play games are usually easy to spot, and when you see what's going on, you get out of hte situation.I don't think men, or people in general, are as malicious as Snafu's post might seem. We all have the propensity to do unkind things - but being more emotionally centered and healthy makes it less likely that you will treat others unkindly or unfairly. I tend to think that by and large, people's own insecurity prompts them to pull back without necessarily having a thought that in doing so, the result will be this.



Toni..

Comment #6

It started off so good, we texted many times a day when we don't see each other, it was very straightforward because we both knew we liked each other. Then apparently he started testing me because he felt he initiated all the texting/calling. So since then I've started texting him first and half the time he doesn't make any effort to keep the conversation going! Other times, he's all "I miss you" or "When do I get to see you?" It messes with my head!!..

Comment #7

That's messed up about the texts. I know exactly how you feel! Sometimes my guy is sooo attentive and then other times not. I FREAKING HATE IT. Because I feel like I am so consistent with the way I am. Why can't they be the same way???Well, I'm an f-ing mess right now because I haven't heard from him. Argh, I suck.

If he is playing games with me, we are so done. Maybe he thinks I am crazy and I have blown it. Blah! I need help...

Comment #8

It is impossible to maintain the 'all the time' connection that happens during the first coupleof weeks of infatuation that many young women (and some older ones) think MUST be there. this is a fact - people have a life, they had it before they met you and they have it now - just like when you move to a new place - the first month or so there is settling in and unpacking. And then once you do it - you get back into a routine - that is balanced in every area. YOu are not his only priority and you are not the only thing that needs his attention or that he wants to give his attention to. this is what having a life means. Men like to know that a woman is interested - and they judge that by the reciprocity - if you never pick up the phone to call him or suggest things, he may start to wonder 'does she really like me?" That said, always initiating contact, texting all the time, calling all the time, that is desperation and chasing him - you NEED him to contact you - mostly to reassure yourself he actually likes you.

Its tiring and smacks of insecurity.And lastly - I know many peopel who HATE text messaging - and you want him to have a 'conversation' on it? HOn, that is just not realistic. Texts should be used as fill in here and there. Have a converstaion when there is something to really talk about. Wanting and needing him to alwaysanswer your calls and texts is you needing reassurance - and yes, that is tiresome to anyone. He is not the center of your world - he is not your source of happiness and he is not responsible for your security.

You've gone from not returning his vollies to not allowing him to volly back. CHILL OUT and stop making him the be-all end-all of your focus. He isn't. You had a life and friends before you met him - enjoy them..

Toni..

Comment #9

You're so right. I know this is azure's thread, but I really can relate to this advice also. Thank you. For me, I've just never had a long-distance thing. I'm young and never been apart from my mates really. I dunno, it is weird to me.

I think that's why I'm freaking out. Oh well..

Comment #10

Oh, I'm very aware that I'm not his priority and he is not mine - it's not like that at all. He's definitely not my focus, I must have come across wrong in my post. What bothers me about the situation is that it's almost like 2 different people/personalities. The change is so drastic from day to day.As for text messaging, I know people who like it and I know people who hate it, it depends on the person. For both he and I, it just happens to be beneficial as it allows us to keep in touch at times when it's not convenient or appropriate to be talking on the phone, such as while we are working or out with friends. I know it's not in-depth conversations but it's nice for "how's your day going?" and also for making plans...

Comment #11

Exactly! I know what you mean about being consistent! I'm sure he'll call, give it a little while...good luck!..

Comment #12

Yah he will call tomorrow and apologize and say he was busy. Blah. Or he won't call at all and we'll be done. I'm not too crazy about either one (his excuse or him not calling at all) so that's a sign that I should end it. I have no problem with that. A male friend of mine says I'm jumping the gun way too badly (lol).

But I dunno. Even though I love my boyfriend, love isn't enough. I think it's time to say goodbye...

Comment #13

I agree with tonitoons' assertations that both men and women play games. I do not feel that my post paints a malicious color upon human beings. I just call it like I see it. I have watched women cry for days because of games. I have experienced the rollercoaster that men try to heave upon us too, to keep us off balance and it's no fun. It is done intentionally, but the question is...what really is the intent? Is it selfishness to make women miss them or want them? Or...are they addicted to drama so they look for women who are also addicted to drama? Or is it because they find it good sport? We all know that the 3 day call wait rule is designed to make sure men don't look like worshipping fools, which calling sooner does NOT.

This is one time: The day after a nice dinner I left a message on his machine and thanked him and said I had a nice time. I didn't hear from him that week at all. So I left a message on his machine that said that I was concerned that he did not return my call so I asked him to call to let me know he was okay. He called back finally and said, "I wasn't going to let it go on too much longer." Confused, I replied, "let WHAT go on too much longer?" He said, "calling you back." As you can imagine the rest of the conversation took a downward spiral and we did not date using Match.com any longer.This was another one: My second ex husband and I used to see each other about twice a week. He wanted to add another day.

I said "okay, we are back to two days per week." The day he was to get together with one of his friends he gets a call from the guy saying he had to cancel. So, my second ex-loser calls me and says that he wanted to come over because his buddy cancelled. I said "absolutely not." I told him that I can't be yanked up and down like a yoyo - I said he complained about seeing me too much and I was fine with going back to 2 days, that so that's it. I am not to be used because he is bored.Of course there are more stories but the gist of it is that men do it, women do it to men too, but it seems that women get hit harder by the games than men do. Not sure why.

Some men do it because we all have to pay for some stupid high school twit who rejected the s.o.b. back 25 years ago. Subconsciously they say stupid things to hurt your feelings (but act like they have foot-in-mouth disease), are not consistent with their emotions or affections for you, they try anything to make you feel pain because they don't really "like" women and because they still feel pain from their personal rejections...

Comment #14

"What bothers me about the situation is that it's almost like 2 different people/personalities. The change is so drastic from day to day" ahhh, so he is playing the old Jekyll and Hyde routine with you? That sucks and is not going to go away. So you have to decide if you can allow your heart to swing back and forth with no momentum going forward in closeness and maturation of the relationship.What I think is funny is that men complain that the sex dies after marriage. Weellllll you studs want to know why? Because you get fat and lazy, stop grooming yourselves and stop romancing and seducing us...what woman would want you in bed with her? It is just like how they give initially at the beginning of a relationship (thru Match.com) with calls, notes, etc and then - like morons, they expect the relationship (thru Match.com) to go on "autopilot" - sooo not true. Relationships require upkeep and if the guy can do the upkeep he has no business being in a relationship...

Comment #15

"Subconsciously they say stupid things to hurt your feelings (but act like they have foot-in-mouth disease), are not consistent with their emotions or affections for you, they try anything to make you feel pain because they don't really "like" women and because they still feel pain from their personal rejections".This is the $$$MONEY$$ paragraph right here!! (lol). Snafs, I lovz ya!..

Comment #16

Hehehehe....how many men have YOU met like this? I have met too many men who make an innocent woman or women PAAAYYYY for hurt inflicted upon them from high school...college...internship...exwife....you name it...they all have a woman out there who did something to them and they can't let it go...and she is someone who I need to smack upside her head for putting me through this!!!..

Comment #17

"Even though I love my boyfriend, love isn't enough. I think it's time to say goodbye" hey when did this happen?..

Comment #18

I dunno.. I know he said he doesn't repeat mistakes.. and he basically hasn't.. like he hasn't repeated the exact same ones but he's made different ones along the same lines and it's getting old fast for me. He blew me off that one day, was rude to me a couple of days ago, and then is totally MIA today. I dunno... I know it sounds like I'm overreacting, but.....

Comment #19

If he continues to be MIA, I see why you would consider breaking up. You don't need so much hardship so early on in a relationship. this is when he is allegedly putting his best foot forward. The rudeness I would separate fromthe rest...

Comment #20

I know, right! Best foot forward! So much for that!..

Comment #21

Hi Snafu and Halle,Yes, it is hard being with a man who is so loving one day and the next they just push you away! I am in a situation right now where I am paying for his exwife's (25yrs) breaking him. I mean, going into the "cave" once in a while is one thing, but to be rude? We've been together seven months, one one month break in between and thought this time around (two months now) we had it all worked out. He's never been rude to me before. Not sure what's up with him this time!Dr Jeckyll, Mr. Hyde complex. He's gone awol for almost five days now.

And we're in our 40's!!! I am always straight up an honest. I don't believe in games.Good luck!.

PATTY.

~Dare to believe in yourself~..

Comment #22

Holy crap, awol for 5 days? I would be mad as hell...

Comment #23

Yes, I am. Like I said, space is one thing but this has become outter space and very unlike him. Didn't take him for a game player, I know he's busy, but somethings gotta give here.I sent a brief email on Tuesday, that's all the reaction from this he's getting from me. The more I read on here the more strength I get, thank you. (at least for the moment. You know that rollercoaster!)I don't think I should give the satisfaction of any further contact.



PATTY.

~Dare to believe in yourself~..

Comment #24

<<I don't think I should give the satisfaction of any further contact. Agree?>>OMG, totally agree. Yah, my boyfriend just called me just now and we talked about the issues for a bit. He said he understood that I'm stressed out about stuff. I think he feels pressure or something - which wasn't my intention at all! So guys read into stuff just like girls do! Anywayz, whatever to him. I have alot of thinking to do on my own and see if I want to stay in this or not. Sounds like you need to do the same...

Comment #25

I'm glad for you that he called. No matter what happens from here, at least the communication is starting, no matter what direction it goes in. It beats the unknown.Now, if I could get the same outcome from my guy! Good luck and stay true to yourself!.

PATTY.

~Dare to believe in yourself~..

Comment #26

The thing is, is I think he's taking me forgranted and thinks he's got me wrapped around his little finger - hahaha. Whatever. I was supposed to go back to our home city where we both live (I'm visiting my family right now) next week, but I think I'll stay here an extra week. He doesn't seem to care anyway, so why not? We might be apart in the Fall and when we were talking when he called me, I was telling him different options for us to see each other and he was like, yah, but I don't want to talk about that yet since we'll be busy with school. I was like um, yah I know that! I was just giving suggestions! Basically he is blowing me off anywayz. So I'm done with it. I don't need that...

Comment #27

Hi Halle,Good for you for sticking to your guns. You mention school so I guess you're young enough to keep going on and striving for what you want. Not that we older gals don't have goals!I just got a very brief email from him (he passed my parked truck on his way home to lunch) Just said he was "at home for a quick lunch, been working late nights for the past two nights. At some point soon I need to talk with you" That was it. Not to read into it, but doesn't really offer any hope. Almost sounds like I'm being scolded about his actions.

Yes, he may have just rushed something down while home at lunch, but I'm not getting a good vibe. I'll keep you posted on this current game, you do the same.Hang in there..

PATTY.

~Dare to believe in yourself~..

Comment #28

I dont' think you are overanalyzing anything. You didn't mention it in your post, but Ididn't see any "miss you" or "love you" from this guy. He may want to have another "break" again. How many breaks is a new relationship (thru Match.com) supposed to have? None. Good luck and let us know what he says...

Comment #29

Thanks. Nope, not a single word of concern from him. That was the entire email! You all here at Ivillage are right about one thing. He is not ready, even at 48yo, for a mature relationship. Too much baggage from his divorce (5 half years ago) and this break will be the last if that's what he has planned for this talk. And if he has other plans, they better fit into what I deem acceptable from this point on.

I love him but think the "break" is in the cards.Now, he just said "soon". How soon doesn't matter to me anymore. Thanks for the uplift and I'll let you know how it goes..

PATTY.

~Dare to believe in yourself~..

Comment #30

You did touch upon something important - regardless of age, baggage is baggage and that is a terrific block to entering a new relationship. Sometimes I think men and women hold onto that baggage for dear life because it will block getting close to someone new.I once had a conversation with a man on the phone who yammered on and on about his ex and how angry he was at her and, of course, he repelled me. He then mentioned that I didn't bad mouth my ex at that time. And I said "no, and I won't be discussing him with you." What an idiot. Nothing kills a potential romance more than someone going on and on about their ex, and how horrible he or she was. These people need a therapist, not a date.

Who wants that in her life? She'll always have to pay for what his ex did to him.What we always hear about is how women are looking for something more emotionally intimate than men. I'm sure there are men out there who would like to be in a monogamous relationship. And those men may not have any baggage or repressed hostility at the High School cheerleader who rejected him. However, more times than not, we meet men who are looking for sex without a commitment. This is nothing new.

And unfortunately many are cowards and don't have the guts to tell women that they just really want someone to have fun with for a short period of time without any strings. But instead....they put women through bloody agony with "breaks" and "not sure about us" or "the ex called and I think I want her back" "I need space" or other cliche lines women hear these days which basically means "I've gotten my fill and now I'm fine for a while so I'd like 'out' now."They pretend to want to be in a relationship (thru Match.com) so they can have regular sex for a while. And then they leave a mess of walking wounded in their wake wondering WTF!What would be refreshing is for men to be able to say that is what they want and for women to exercise her right to choose whether or not she would like to be with this person. I know we talk about the "exclusivity" conversation and in all honesty, many times, not all, if a guy doesn't bring up the subject within about 3 months of dating (online dating with Match.com) there is something awry. A man that really wants you in his life doesn't want to take a chance that you could slip through his fingers and he'll make sure that you and everyone he knows knows that you are his GF.

Men don't realize that depending on how strong a woman's stomach or heart is will determine whether she can follow through with sex without commitment - it is not so easy for women. And women need to get off of their high horse and admit that they have done it and it is okay sometimes to do that. No one will call anyone a whore. But, since men will always be able to do it better - sometimes a woman walks away feeling like a whore instead of an equal partner in a pleasurable experience. Men can turn and walk away without a wince and feel just fine the next day.

If the guy is honest and everything is on the up and up, after your fling - affair or vacation fling or whatever you want to call it- is over some men will actually call you to see if everything is okay with you. And you don't read into it because both of you have been honest with each other. Because generally you like each other, why make it unpleasant? Sometime things happen unexpectedly in life between people and who is to say that those situations couldn't blossom into something else one day, but don't bank on it and move on. I'm not advocating that women should sleep with men without a commitment. All I am saying is to keep all of your senses wide open so you can spot one of those cowardly guys who pretends to want a relationship (thru Match.com) but his actions scream "casual sex" and "I don't want to answer to you for anything".

I have never brought up the conversation of "so what are we?" to the men who I have had more casual situations with because it was pretty evident by their actions what they wanted in their life at that time and it meshed with what I wanted from them. When men have been more serious about their intentions with me, their actions were pretty clear within one month's time...

Comment #31

I agree with everything you said. I have had one of those casual relationships since my divorce and I don't feel guilty about it. It is over, but he and I are still friends.Like you said, there was no game there, we both knew what it was, sometimes we went out without sex, sometimes we went home together. We maintain a friendship of sorts when we run into each other it's like we are just old friends.What blows me away with this current bf and trying to figure out if it is a game or genuine scaring, aka baggage, is we live in the same town, He works for the town and we are both well known. He has told everyone I'm his girlfriend, been out everywhere together, introduced me as such, had mothers day dinner with his mom and family, etc. Spent time with both our kids, spent Christmas eve/morning with him and his family, yadayada.

No bootie call type attitude. I guess that is why it is hard for me to just say goodbye. Yes, he "ran away" before for a month. Not sure what is worth keeping anymore. I wish I could say he was just in it for something casual, but who the heck knows.

PATTY.

~Dare to believe in yourself~..

Comment #32

Hi New Year! I would like to know why you stick with this guy. He seems to be yo-yoing you. Don't you feel you deserve better? My goodness, I am so nauseous.....

Comment #33

Hi Halle,Yes, I'm nauseous too. I guess it's a matter of heart over-ruling the mind right now. Some days I'm ready to be strong and move on, that's there's something better. Then there are moments, usually after sundown, when I remember all we have had and I want to see if he is for real and not just a player. I guess it's denial that I've been played like this. He showed commitment signs over the last seven months, not games......until he pulls this stuff.

I know his kids are very disgusted with him as well (they are in their 20's)Thank you for hanging in there with me through this. I'm sorry if I've taken over your thread. It is a tough ride and will let you know how it "plays" out.How did you make out with your guy? Has he contacted you again and what are you doing about it?.

PATTY.

~Dare to believe in yourself~..

Comment #34

You mentioned that you knew this guy during his divorce. Has his personality or character changed since then? If he were single back then would you have dated him?All of us get scarred from hurt. But it has been 5 years...which is enough time to have healed from a divorce, unless he prevents himself from healing. In those cases people haven't accepted that their ex has moved on without them, their lives have completely changed and now they have to redefine their life and create a new one. When someone embraces the hurt and pain from a break up and doesn't let go of it - it is usually for a reason. Sometimes it is a way of not letting go of the ex or feeling some sort of strength or power in staying hurt from a break up...and it prevents them from getting close to someone else and getting hurt again.

The early stage of a relationship (thru Match.com) is when a couple has the most fun, not the most work. All relationships require work to keep things going well and to keep the romance or sex alive - and it shouldn't be bad work, but it does require an investment of time and energy. If you are okay with the scenario you can ask him if he would like something a little more casual and see what he says...but he could stay the same way and then you would know if he is just screwed up...

Comment #35

Hi Snafu,He seems to be the same guy. His yelling last weekend was totally out of character for the guy I have known. We actually thought about dating (online dating with Match.com) a few years back but both newly divorced at that time and knew it wouldn't be the right timing. Our friendship meant more. We kissed one night then talked about it. We never went out or had sex back then.

I think a few things going on in his screwed up mind now are His last just graduated highschool and this has brought more contact with the ex than usual. Also, his son just moved out to an upstairs apt he had built and his other son has a house in another town. Maybe going through what I've heard of as Empty Nest Syndrome? Now that his kids are grown he doesn't feel needed by them as much and all this stress may be causing a depression? The kids lived with him after the divorce so he has been parent and provider for them. I really hate to think this is some type of twisted game.I don't know. I offered him a more casual/slow pace when we got back together after the one month split, but he said no, he was ready for the relationship.

I'd put the slow pace back on the table as I have three teenagers and a life myself, but I honestly can't do "casual" with him, meaning it can be slow and casual but not "open". I need exclusivity because of my feelings for him. I am not strong enough to think he is having dinner or whatever with someone else. Guys night out, fine. Intimate candelite dinner, or sex no.

We talked about that too before we re-connected.Only time will tell if he is for real or playing or just plain screwed up and needs help. I went to counseling so my mind is a bit clearer after the divorce. I think now unless he gets some therapy he will go in circles for the rest of his life. I'll let you know if I ever hear from him!.

PATTY.

~Dare to believe in yourself~..

Comment #36

I kind of look at that part of it a different way...if a man isn't calling or whatever, I think women want to complicate it a lot more than necessary. Maybe in some rare cases the guy is trying to gain power in the relationship, but I don't think it's usually calculated. Some guys call when they get time and have nothing else to do, some call when they want to make plans, and if a guy is really liking a girl, maybe he calls to tell her he's thinking about her or that he had fun on a date using Match.com with her. I think if a guy isn't calling, usually it really is "he's just not that into you", whether he could be later, who knows? But I think it's rarely manipulation. As much as we want to think guys put as much thought into relationships as we do, it's just not true. Women think and feel, guys do. It's a fact of life...

Comment #37

It just doesn't seem balanced. If an entire relationship (thru Match.com) where you love each other is based on whether he does or does not call at a set time, how could you ever get through real life hardships that come with a long term relationship? It sounds like a fling, honestly, and not a fun one...

Comment #38

Wow! He seriously said "I wasn't going to let it go on too much longer"?! Thank God you didn't see him again! I wonder if there are women who respond well to that kind of stuff! Probably, but in the way that they get insecure and clingy and give the man all the power...just what they wanted huh! Yikes! Now that I think of it, I did encounter one guy like that. He and I worked together and he pursued me like crazy but at first I wasn't interested. Finally we went out one night and had a blast playing pool, kissed, everything was great. Then he didn't call. At all. But the thing is, we were friends from work! So I called him after a few days (not something I would do now, but I did) and left him a message.

Of course I ignored it and then later at work he was like, "Why didn't you call me back? Were you BUSY?" being a jerk in a joking way, and I was like, "Yeah, I was actually, like when you didn't call me for a week," and then he gets on this sad mopey kick and goes on about "I was bummed about a bunch of stuff and didn't call anybody that week." Yikes...needless to say, he is in my past, and thank God for that! My guy now cheerfully emailed me the day after our first date using Match.com to say he had fun and wanted us to go the beach that weekend. No big friggin' deal. Then called Saturday morning to make plans. That's what it looks like, ladies! If he's jerking you around, he's either a jerk or just doesn't care much...

Comment #39

Painfully and beautifully accurate....I love this. Women and men can both have sex and walk away, but men will always be able to do it better. This is something I have been trying to explain to some of my girlfriends...your wording is perfect. Hope I remember it!..

Comment #40

You are right. Games are just a way to show how inmature you are. You can be flirty and make him wonder, but you dont have to play mind games to do that!..

Comment #41

It sounds like he is going through some ups and downs. But he should still be able to be responsible for the messes he makes. I'm with you as far as monogamy goes - even if the relationship (thru Match.com) is not one where we see each other every day.I give you credit for wanting to stick with him. I hope he appreciates it and maybe will go to counseling...

Comment #42

"My guy now cheerfully emailed me the day after our first date using Match.com to say he had fun and wanted us to go the beach that weekend. No big friggin' deal. Then called Saturday morning to make plans. That's what it looks like, ladies!" you got yourself a winner!!! "Wow! He seriously said "I wasn't going to let it go on too much longer"?! Thank God you didn't see him again!" I did see him again, as we used to travel somewhat in the same circles and frequent the same bars. I like things to end nicely - meaning no hard feelings should we run into each other in public either with friends or SO's. He still called after that conversation - brave...I know.

All he had to do was say so...right? No...he doesn't do that. So when he called again he said to me that he just doesn't have time. I said that I had good news for him then..that I didn't want any of his time. That got the message across. However, he did apologize to me, but he didn't know what he was apologizing for...a teensy weensy problem.

He worked at another company, but we copromoted the same product. We didn't really interface much during working hours. He was the strangest person - he got all freaked out because of the kiss and having to give my dayrunner back to me that was in his car from a day we worked together. WTF? He blew off a work related event that we both agreed to attend for a concert. I told him to go and I would handle it because tickets were hard to come by for this concert.

The guy didn't tell me he already had tickets for antoher night!!! The one I told him to go to was an additional show for him...and I got stuck with the bill and having to take care of this by myself. This is what I get for being nice. He then calls asking to "make it up to me" by taking me out to dinner - hehehe - I told him that I didn't want his dinner - I told him that I wanted his money for the event he didn't attend. I also mentioned that he had bad character and I wouldn't date using Match.com him. People don't seem to take their comings and goings in someone's life into consideration..

Comment #43

"But I think it's rarely manipulation." - think again. You would be surprised how much mental manipulation guys put into some things like this. It is kind of like a sport to some guys, especially the ones in Florida...

Comment #44


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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