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People's Jealousy during Medifast

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Maybe "jealous" isn't the right word here. Envious? Hmm..

Now, I'm not trying to be rude or vain or anything. How do you handle those people that are jealous of your weight loss?.

A couple of my coworkers have started to say that I don't need to lose anymore weight, I'd be too skinny, etc...

I can't help but toot my own horn and broadcast how hard I've worked to get this far. You know the type of people I'm talking about; the ones that get silent and just go "that's great!" when you can tell they're thinking otherwise...

Comments (18)

I've had the same kinds of comments. I'm 17 lbs from goal (I'm 5'9"...so 17 lbs doesn't equal huge body changes IMO) and a few of my colleagues have said things like..."now you're done, right?" and "should we be worried that you want to lose more?". What's funny is that I'm wearing size 12...which is awesome...but certainly now waif-like! I want to be size 10...which is very close at this point...and according to bmi charts, 169 is the top of my healthy weight. I now weigh 177...so I'm aiming for 160 to have a 9 lb buffer..

Anyway...I just say "thank you, I'm feeling great...and my doctor and I have set a goal weight that is healthy for someone my height". I choose to believe the comments come from a place of caring about my health..

Just run with you success and aim for a healthy weight for YOU!.

Peace!.

Kat..

Comment #1

Culturally, our ideas of what is a "healthy" weight are a little messed up. It's good to promote avoidance of true waifishness, but most people who are going to make comments that you are "too skinny" are really engaging in a subtle form of sabotage. Just keep reminding yourself this tells you a lot about them and their food issues - choose your goal for logical reasons, make sure it's medically realistic, and then go for it...

Comment #2

Stay focus and tune them all out. Different people in our lives will react in different ways to our weight loss. When we lose a huge amount of weight it can often stir in other people some unresolved issue. It can remind them that if you accomplished such a huge undertaking ( and losing weight to me is a HUGE undertaking) then perhaps they themselves should try and accomplished some secret goals they have abandoned in some area of their own lives. It's human nature! I knew I needed to lose weight but I was procrastinating until I caught an episode of "the biggest loser". I was hypnotized by it! I kept saying to my self over and over ..hey??? If these guys (meaning people easily 100 or 200 lbs larger than me) can lose weight than I can too...In essence you can say that I envied those contestants because they were doing and succeeding in doing what I secretly desired but kept failing to achieve.



Just food for thought...

Comment #3

That is one thing I have never understood. Why do people feel compelled to talk about someone else's weight. Some of the most upsetting comments that have been said to my face, have been when I have been down to a good weight and people in my life begin to think that my weight is a good topic for conversation! I swear that has to do with why I put the weight back on! I can't stand the attention from well meaning individuals that aren't thinking about my feelings. This time when I get to goal - I will make it clear that I prefer we don't discuss my weight anymore and that it is a sensitive topic for me!..

Comment #4

Hi!.

Sometimes I think people are jealous, other times I think we all just have messed up views of healthy weights. It is ultimately your decision and as long as you don't have an eating disorder and we can't see every bony protrusion in your body, you keep going towards your goal!.

Not everyone in our lives is always going to be happy about our decision to lose weight. Some people abhor all change and since this is a huge change they decide to poopoo it and make it harder. Some people think we will never stick with it so they might as well help us get over the sadness of failing, how nice! Some people are flat out jealous that we are doing something for ourselves and not focusing on them. Some people start thinking "dang she was always fatter than me, now I have to do something about my weight. Ah, it is just easier to try to get her fat again, here is some cake". Some people just suck!.

No matter what, if you are doing something healthy for yourself you can make a decision about what weight you want to be without anyone's input. If your Dr. says you are healthy and you feel good, their opinions are just that, theirs.

Keep up the great work and don't let people rain on your parade!..

Comment #5

I went through (and still am) going through the same thing... "you are done losing weight? Right?" or "alright, stop right there you lose anymore... yada yada yada".

I have been hearing this for about the last 20 pounds til goal! I have made it to goal and even passed it and I still hear these comments. 20 pounds ago, I would just say 'yea, almost there.' And people would shut up about it and look 20 pounds later... I AM NOT DEAD lol..

So alot may not be jealousy, but people adjusting to seeing the new you. So of couse at 175 pounds I look super skinny compared to 228 and now at 155 pounds I am just a refined 175 pounder (if that makes sense)... People have to get used to the way you look. I still get the comments and now I say "yes, I am done losing weight." Then the return comment is usually 'well you look great, didn't want you getting too skinny.' Same people who told me I needed to stop 20 pounds ago....

So I can't agree with it being jealousy, more like people being nosy....

Keep on losing weight if that's what you wanna do, people will come around to the idea of the new you. And if they don't... who cares..

Comment #6

I knew I was looking good when the compliments started drying up at work and the when are you going to eat a cookie comments started, lol..

That being said, I really think, especially if you're very big to start, that it's hard to adjust seeing the thinner you. My coworker said the other day that a size 14 was plenty small for me I countered with if you were 180 some pounds would you be okay with that as your health weightshe said have another bar, lol...

Comment #7

I agree with what everyone has said here. Everyone at work is used to seeing the 239 pound, size 24 me. Now that I'm almost a 100 pounds lighter (!) everyone is all "you don't need to lose anymore weight!"..

Comment #8

Ah...this is an interesting topic.

I think when we are on a program like MF...that has rapid weight loss, it does take people in our lives by surprise. They see our bodies changing at such a rapid rate...that even if we aren't at a target or healthy weight, it is such a difference...it starts those conversations about "not needing to lose anymore weight." We begin to look like completely different people, etc..

I also think people feel it is okay to talk about our weight loss because we spend so much time talking about it ourselves. So, in essence...we open ourselves up to it. It doesn't mean someone else gets to have a valued opinion about our weight loss goals, but I can see why people feel it is okay to talk about it.

And for some...it might be a twinge of jealousy. It's hard when you are doing something that so many other people struggle at. I know that I have a friend who struggled and still does struggle with the fact that I lost and maintained my weight loss. She often asks me what I weigh and if it is the same or lower than her (she is a lot shorter than me), I can tell she gets a little upset. She doesn't mean to...and she's a great dear friend, but I know it's hard for her. I try to divert the conversation whenever I can.

Hugs all....

Shelley..

Comment #9

As I am nearing goal, I am also experiencing the same comments from people. A friend the other day said to me "don't get anorexic", and yesterday a woman at work said "you're wasting away." That really hurt and it is still bothering me. For these 2 people I don't think it's jealousy, and I can't think of a reason why they would try to sabotage me.

I just try to put their negativity out of my mind. They haven't lived my life or lived in my body, so they can't know what is right for me. We should trust ourselves and our bodies to determine what weight to enter T&M. At the end of the day it's you that has to be happy with what you see in the mirror, not them...

Comment #10

I think sometimes people don't even know why they make such comments. It's kind of like those crazy comments people make when someone dies - they say something but don't realy say the right thing, but mean well enough..

Keep on doing what you know is best for you! People are probably making these comments just to get the shift of "normalcy" back as you are probably getting the "wows!" Congrats to you!.

On the flip side of the jealousy coin, I have a colleague who has lost major weight. She lost so rapidly and keeps on losing that people keep asking me if she has an illness that is making her look so sickly. I agree that she is starting to look sickly - almost malnourished. I know that she is on a weight loss plan, but I refrain from making comments as I don't want them to be perceived as jealousy or anything. However, at the same time, I don't want her to get sick. Or perhaps she is sick and not telling anyone? Is it possible she doesn't know how thin she is? When does it go from losing healthy weight to more of a body image disorder thing? That scares me a little bit..

Again, that last part has nothing to do with you. Just got me thinking about comments people do and do not make about weight..

Happy Sunday!.

P.s. My favorite quote has always been: "What others think of me is none of my business!" That way, those hurtful words don't hurt quite so much...

Comment #11

This type of attention isn't completely bad, just wait till a few months after you reach goal and people stop commenting about how great you look because they are used to it. Then it is challenging to maintain because there is no positive reinforcement from others. *except on these discussion boards.

That is what happened to me and I slowly gained weight and now I am right back here on medifast again to lose back down to my goal. I should have continued to visit these discussion boards for reinforcement. I think the lack of encouragement after maintaining a goal weight makes it very hard to keep the weight off in the long run...

Comment #12

Do it the scientific way. Calculate your BMI. If you have a healthy BMI and not an underweight one, you are fine. I think underweight starts at about 18.2 BMI. There are a couple of BMI calculators available online, just google it. I am 5 foot 3, and I would be "underweight" starting at 101.

My goal is 115, which is a health 14 lbs over "underweight"...

Comment #13

Shelley makes a great point. It would take most people a long time to lose what you have lost very quickly on MF. You know how hard you've had to work, but to others, it looks too easy. Most people can't keep up mentally with how great you look, yanno?.

I know for me..I'll be excited to have this problem..

Comment #14

Well in this case, as the original poster pointed out, they talk because she brings it up, evidently a lot. And that's fine, but perhaps they aren't jealous or envious but simply tired of hearing about it? Maybe they are jerks thinking if we weren't pigs we wouldn't have to lose weight to begin with? Maybe they truly DO think she is perfect? Maybe they think saying she is perfect now is a huge compliment and trying to show support? I don't know. Neither does she..

But I do know one thing. It's best to take people's statements at face value, try to find the positive vent if the words are ambiguous, or directly ask them what they mean. Spending energy putting a spin on it doesn't help. And if you can't or don't want comments, don't bring the subject up.

I'll give a good example. I am not ever open to anyone discussing my parenting skills in a public forum. My family, my friends, and especially my daughter can give input. Therefore I won't discuss my parenting in public. I am secure that my child thinks I am superb, considers me one of her best FRIENDS as well as mother, that her friends love me which tells me she is positive about me to them. But I would NOT do well even with that confidence if someone put their nose into it.



So if the people upset you, perhaps it is best to stop discussing your weight around them if you can't just let it go or don't want to privately address it. I will suggest though that for the most part, if you quietly got each person aside and told them the effect of their words (not accuse of sabotage or jealousy but simply that it made you FEEL bad), you might be pleasantly surprised at their response...

Comment #15

[quote=ana4205]I knew I was looking good when the compliments started drying up at work and the when are you going to eat a cookie comments started, lol..

QUOTE].

LOL>! you are a mess! I have jealous family members. The say I'm changing. I say "yes I am, I'm changing my view on food and getting healthy for myself and my family" Then I ask them if they want to join me. LOL. Boy does that either shut them up or they choose to hear about my changes. Have you ever heard the saying "what someone thinks about me is NONE OF MY BUSINESS" ? I take that to heard. As long as your happy then that's all that matters...

Comment #16

LOL Love this saying. It's the first time I've heard it, and I will definitely be taking it to heart. I've only shared what I'm doing with my closest friends, my parents, and my sister. Personally, I'm looking forward to someone who doesn't know that I'm doing this to notice and make a comment (hopefully positive). However, it is also NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS how I'm doing this. I don't know how I'll respond to comments. I may share what I'm doing, or I may say "I'm taking better care of myself" and change the subject...

Comment #17

These people are call HATERS! You look marvelous, you go girl..

Comment #18


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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