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People over 27 what do you think of match.com?

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My first question is: People over 27 what do you think of match.com?.

My next question is: I am hoping for some good advice For about 1.5 years now, a guy at work has been flirting with me. At first I thought it was just harmless flirting and didn't think anything of it. We both work for the same project/company except his unit is in Salt Lake City. So we communicate mostly through IM at work. Anyways, he had to come to my unit one week for work and so he insisted on going out to dinner with me. He was being very pushy and bold about it, so it kind of scared me away.

He's always telling me how great I look, and how he likes my eyes, etc.Well I had a chance to go to Salt Lake to visit someone and I let him know. So when I was out there we went on a date. We went to a friend's of his party and then to dinner and then went to his place. All that happened was we made out, there was minimal groping and then got sick (high altitudes and a little drinking don't mix). So I was incredibly embarassed, but he let me sleep in the guest room where he stayed with me for some of the night.

What I am really scared of is, does he want just sex or a relationship. He is 38 years old, says he wants kids but whenever he says something nice to me, it's always something physical about me (like my eyes, body, etc.) Another thing is, I'm a virgin and he's not. He's experienced and has been in relationships before. So I am nervous about going there and spending a weekend wit him (which I really want to do, because I like him and want to get to know him), but I don't want the pressure of him expecting me to sleep with him and I'm not sure what to do.I should also add he is 14 years older than I am. But to me age doesn't matter, it's just a number.

I guess a guy wouldn't travel across the US to visit someone they didn't like. But any advice would be appreciated. I'm really torn up about it because I don't want to ruin it.Thanks!..

Comments (5)

Your question was: People over 27 what do you think of match.com?.

Hi Shinystar24,.

Welcome to the board!!.

I'm thinking that he has thought about having sex on this weekend trip with you.  Remember you don't have too if you don't want too.  I think sex is better when you know you are sharing it with someone that is special to you and vice versa..

It's early in this relationship, so take your time and trust yourself..

Good Luck,.

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Comment #1

No, this is not an "older guy" thing.  Older guys are no more or less likely to bring up sexual things than younger guys.  It is THIS guy.  HE talks about sexual things with YOU.  He thinks you are hot and young and while he might want a relationship (thru Match.com) with you, it seems obvious that he thinks you're hot and he wants to have sex with you..

I feel pretty sure that if you are going to spend a weekend with a guy and share a room that he is thinking he's going to have sex.  If you don't want to have sex with him you need to make that very clear both up front and while you are on this trip with him.  If it were me, I would not be comfortable sharing a room/bed with him because that is just asking for trouble - one of those "we just got carried away" kinds of things.  So if it were me, I'd want my own room and would tell him that I will go on the trip but that there will be no hooking up..

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Comment #2

I agree with both posts.  I know he has thought about having sex with me, and I know if I gave him a sign I wanted to when I visited him, he would have been more than happy to.  I'm just afraid I am being a prude.  I hear all the time about how people have casual sex all the time and it's perfectly fine.  But I'm afraid I would get attached and I would get hurt.

I guess my general rule of thumb is not to have sex until I am in an actual relationship.  I have been in relationships before, but this guy is the first guy I actually WANT to have sex with.  I'm afraid if I say I don't want to have sex, he will be disappointed..

I'm not really concerned about sharing a room with him.  I stayed over at his house that one night and he behaved...lol.  I think if I let him know I don't think it's a good idea to have sex so soon, he will respect what I say.  I'm also saying I'm not completely ruling out sex.  I mean if I feel the time is right, and I feel comfortable I may actually want to.  Though that isn't really the problem, I know I WANT to..but I don't know if I should..

Which brings me to another question....how do I tell him up front that I WANT to have sex, but don't think it would be a good idea so soon?  I don't want to come out and sound bossy, like I'm guarding my flower for dear life.  But just casually suggest that I like taking it slow and I want to spend time with him?  I find it sooo hard to come out and say these things sometimes.

Thanks for your quick responses!..

Comment #3

<<I hear all the time about how people have casual sex all the time and it's perfectly fine.  But I'm afraid I would get attached and I would get hurt. >>.

Casual sex might be fine for some people but it's not for a lot of people, especially women because we tend to get more attached more quickly.  I can't do casual sex and honestly don't know many women who can.  They like to say they can, but IMO, they are fooling themselves a lot of the time.  So there is nothing at all wrong with not wanting to have casual sex or sex without a relationship.  Especially the first time you have sex.  It should not be something that you just do to do - it should have some specialness to it..

If you're not sure, then I don't think you should have sex.  Sex is a big deal and if you want to be in a relationship (thru Match.com) before having sex, that is perfectly within your right.  And you will not come off as bossy, like you are guarding your flower or anything else if you tell him flat out that you prefer to be in a committed relationship (thru Match.com) before having sex.  If you want to get to know him better then just say so.  If he gets upset or disappointed then he's SOOOO not worth it.  Besides, you can say that you're not saying never but rather that you want to wait until you know each other better..

But still, I would not be comfortable sharing a room.  You were puking the last time and while he was partly being respectful before - sorry, he probably also didn't want to have sex with someone who was in some way incapacitated and less than "fresh"!  ;-)  If you were drunk and not feeling well, if he did something, that could wind up coming back as rape.  And I'm not suggesting that he'd take advantage of you or anything like that but when you are staying in the same room and bed, there is a tendency to "get carried away" and "these things just happen".  Well, no they don't just happen.  If you want to make sure you keep to your word, then do not sleep in his bed either until you are ready.  Hey, you can always sleep over if you change your mind, but it will be much easier if you have your own room to go to if you'd rather avoid the temptation..

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Comment #4

Yes this is your decision. Don't feel pressured into doing anything you are not ready for. Communicate - it's the key to everything, well, almost everything.

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Comment #5


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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