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Opinion or advice on this matter

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I just took the Compatability test and took for my girlfriend, because pretty much every question I knew what she would do, just because I know her that well and it really said alot about us, very good things.We are very good communicators and we talk alot and work things out. On the test I was "Crazy in Love" and she was "traditional". Now she does have commitment problems at a point. We are living about hr and half away right now fromeach other for now. We just moved down here from PA and she wanted to meet new people and go out and have fun, thats what she wasplanning on even before we met. I wasnt sure how much I was going to see her because of this and wasnt sure if it would be good.

We are perfect together and I think she is really starting to understand because we have gone out to dinner, took walks on the beach and when we stay home we go to the pool or just watch a movie or cook together and we always comment to each other how on how great of a time we have together. Although I do bring alot of stresses to myself but she doesnt help it. She knows this guy who she is good friends with b/ it was her exs best friend(her ex doesnt live there anymore) and her and roomate go out with him and his friends and at first I was a worried but Im starting to trust, although when she goes out with him and his friends she always gets really drunk and last nite she kept texting me and saying "that she was black out drunk" and everyone else was drunk and I didnt want her driving but she didnt but her roomate who was drunk also drove which wasnt a good move and I was really scared for her safety. I guess her guy friend stayed at her apartment with her and her roomate and no I dont think anything happened but it was on my mind. She texted me this morning telling me she was ok..

Comments (4)

Your question was: Opinion or advice on this matter.

If you feel your needs are not being met or that what she is doing is inappropriate or could lead to trouble later on in the relationship...then you need to tell her.For instance, if you feel that it is inappropriate for you two to have opposite sex friends, then you need to discuss it with her. She may feel it is okay because she does get some need inside of her met by having the attention from this friend, so she'll say that there is nothing wrong with it. Kind of selfish. Everyone says it is a matter of "trust". I dont' agree with that line of thinking. By getting very close to someone of the opposite sex, a person does confide in that person, sometimes things that should be confided to the SO that impacts that relationship.

Also, why take a chance in exposing the relationship (thru Match.com) to a potential threat? For example, say I had an opposite sex friend and my BF and I had a fight. I cry in my beer to the friend and then one thing leads to another and we end up in bed. This happens quite often. It's one thing to socialize as a group - with YOU included. Why were YOU not at this event where she was drunk? To have a one-on-one relationship (thru Match.com) where there are lots of phone calls and one-on-one meetings with that friend is asking for trouble.If you two cannot agree on how to be a couple then either she is being selfish in liking that attention or you two have different values.

You need to decide whether you have room in your life for someone who has a problem with alcohol...

Comment #1

This is real weird but she seems real weird of me being around her friends. I am very protective but also in the past, her exs didnt even want her to go out with her friends and even worse one didnt even want her to be with her family. SHe said that was a big problem in the past because her exs would allow her to be social. Now I kinda feel intimadated to see her friends ina way. I brought up to her that we do alot together but we never actually go out and get some drinks. It seems like you know how most of the time most people wouldnt go out with there mom on a fri nite.

We go out to dinner and take walks on the beach and go to the pool together and stuff like that but no nite life. She had said before that she wants us to have our own seperate lives too..

Edited 7/21/2007 4:20 pm ET by jhutman..

Comment #2

It does seem like you do have a problem. It is fine for her to have some friends with whom you rarely have contact. Everyone needs their place to go to confide where there is no threat of leaking back. It seems there is a couple of different things going on. She appears to want to not have a serious relationship (thru Match.com) because she wants to keep you very separate from her regular group of friends. Of course you each have your own life already, but by saying she wants to have separate lives where you never enter is building a wall.

Okay you are protective. We all are under certain conditions. Obviously she wants a partner in crime, so to speak. Maybe you can loosen up a bit. Have some drinks at home..see if that creates a different atmosphere...

Comment #3

How often does your girlfriend get blackout drunk.  That is something potentially very serious. As to the other issues, how long have you been dating. It sounded like you both moved down from PA but live 1 1/2 hours away? What are long and short term goals for each of your in terms of the relationship?.

You're good communicators so all these things are things you need to discuss to see if you're on the same page.

,..

Comment #4


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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