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ONLINE DATING MEN: Have you had better luck w/ Yahoo Personals or Match.com? Any others sites?

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My first question is: ONLINE DATING MEN: Have you had better luck w/ Yahoo Personals or Match.com? Any others sites?.

My next question is: Hi,I need your opinions on something I've had on my mind lately. About a year and a half ago, I was in a four-year relationship (thru Match.com) with someone I thought I was going to marry. I thought we had a good thing going but it must have not been that great since I discovered that he had been cheating on me with a 'friend' of mine during the last few months of our relationship. When I found out, I broke it off with him and have not spoken to him since. Now, I am with someone whom I love very much. We have a great relationship (thru Match.com) and I want to do all I can to be a good girlfriend to him.

We never really had closure so I still don't know why he did what he did. Obviously, I don't want this to happen with my current boyfriend. I am wondering if I should contact my ex in hope of getting some answers. I truly don't know what I did wrong and I don't want to make the same mistakes in my current relationship (thru Match.com) that I did in my last one. I feel like enough time has passed and that we both have moved on, but I don't want him to think that I miss him or want to get back together because I don't.

Thanks!..

Comments (6)

Your question was: ONLINE DATING MEN: Have you had better luck w/ Yahoo Personals or Match.com? Any others sites?.

Hello,.

I don't think you should contact your ex to find out your answers. In my experience I've found that some men cheat to prove to themselves or their buddies that they can either get away with it or that they can have whatever they want.

It is not your fault that HE cheated. He was selfish and disrespecting on more than one level to cheat. He didn't consider your feelings or well being when he cheated..

If you decide to get ahold of him and ask him why, it is likely that the answer you get will be something along the lines of "I dunno" or "it wasn't you, it was me" or worse he might think that you want him back..

You are better than to be with a cheater. You deserve someone who loves you, respects you, treats you like you should be treated, and most of all stays faithful to you..

You can turn the tables...If your boyfriend got out of a 4 year relationship (thru Match.com) a year and a half ago, with someone who he thought he was going to marry, because she cheated on him and he was all the sudden thinking about giving her a call or meet up to find out why she cheated. How would that make you feel? I know that even if I trusted my boyfriend 100% I would still not be completely comfortable with it. It is one of those things that might just make your break up a fresh wound again too. You don't want to go through that heartache.

If you still would like an explanation you could try asking your boyfriend about why he thinks your ex might have cheated or asking some of your guy friends about it. Either way I strongly discourage you contacting your ex about it. Bottom line is it will probably be a waste of your time, something he is not worth if he can cheat on you for the last few months of your relationship...

Comment #1

Oh, heavens no!!!  The idea that YOU did something to cause him to cheat is just ridiculous.  Cheaters cheat because they think it's ok to do so.  That's the bottom line.  He had a choicehe could have fixed what he thought was wrong with the relationship (thru Match.com) (if there even was anythingsome cheaters don't need even that, they just like having more than one woman), but instead he chose to cheat.  That's all on him, not you..

Besides, the rationalizations and excuses cheaters use is going to change from person to person.  So any information you get from him is going to be personal to him.  The exact same behavior that bugged him could be the very reason your current BF loves you so much..

I would instead talk with your BF about his views on fidelity, trust, honesty, etc, to make sure you share those important core values and have similar interpretations of what they mean.  That's what you need to focus on..

Sheri..

Comment #2

No, do not contact your ex..

People cheat because they do not handle relationship (thru Match.com) issues well. They either get angry or feel neglected or want revenge for some reason or they feel entitled to have an affair or whatever...  The point is is that they act out instead of dealing with problems.  If your bf was not happy with you in any way...it was HIS responsibility to speak up and try to change the situation and when that doesnt work the most mature thing to do is leave - not create chaos in the wake of leaving...

Comment #3

Bad idea, very bad.  Put out of your mind that you caused him to cheat.  Cheaters do not need a reason..

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Comment #4

Thank you all for your input! That is what my gut instinct was telling me, but I guess I just needed confirmation from others. Some of you brought up points that I never even considered as well (i.e. my current bf loving me for the same reasons my ex did not). Anyway, thank you again!!..

Comment #5

The idea of getting answers, getting closure is not a bad one. It involves knowing there are two people in a relationship (thru Match.com) and both people are responsible to some extent for what went wrong and what went right..

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Tell your ex you are over the anger, you've moved on and you want to learn from the past to enrich your current relationship (thru Match.com) and also so that the two of you aren't left with negative feelings.  If he sees you aren't coming to rile up everything again but from a sincere desire to put things right and shut the door in a good way, hopefully he will be receptive. Good luck!.

,..

Comment #6


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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