Now what?

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I had my first date using last night with a nice, sweet, sucessful guy. But, here's the catch-I didn't feel any chemistry. His face was alright, and he was shorter than I like, but I didn't feel any sexual excitement. He has asked to see me again, and has even started to call me sweetie. He may be too nice.So my question to you guys is: If the chemistry is not there on the first date, will it ever be there?? Am I wasting my or his time, if I agree to go out with him again?..

Comments (16)

Your question was: Now what?.

Go out with him again. The first date using can be uncomfortable for some people and if he was nervous then you didn't get to see his personality yet. Everyone has a playful side where they could come off almost haven't seen this side to him...

Comment #1

An entire date using is a long time to see if you have chemistry, in my opinion. For me, if it wasn't there already then it's not there...

Comment #2

Hi sweet,What is your usual? Do you usually know when it's not a match after the first date? If so, I say don't go again. Pretty much for me, whenever I have gone out with a guy and didn't feel a little something, it never showed up the second time.On the other hand, I say it's OK to try a second never know, he could look different to you this next time. But like you, I'd be a little uncomfortable with him calling me "sweety." I know you don't want to lead him on if you think he's getting attached already, so I know it can be a tough call...

Comment #3

Pint taken, but we don't know how long the date using was. Sweetivy, how long was this first date? I have dated guys with whom the first date using was nice and fun and I liked them, but no major "bang" occured - everyone is a little nervous. After the second date using I was able to see things much better because we both got to relax. And sometimes you just know on the first date,or even before the first date...

Comment #4

Snafu: "Pint taken, but we don't know how long the date using was. Sweetivy, how long was this first date?"Hi, snafu. The first date using was long. We went to dinner and then went to a movie. It was only supposed to be a movie, but he wanted to extend it. To everyone, thank you all for the replies.

He calls me everyday without me asking him to, so I'm getting to know him more as we talk. Last night, he opened up more. He is everything I would want on paper, a really decent guy, so I will go on another date using and report back to you guys...

Comment #5

One date using is too soon to tell if you could be attracted to someone. Try two more dates. If after three you still don't feel it then most likely you won't. I tried for 10 dates. I tried to kiss, cuddle still didn't feel right. For absolutely sure it wasn't happening...

Comment #6

Thanks, snafu. I agree with you guys, so I'll see him again...

Comment #7

First dates are awkward by nature. I'd go out with him again just to be sure of your feelings before writing him off...

Comment #8

Thanks, holly.update: We had our second date using yesterday and he was VERY generous. We went to a major amusement park, tickets were expensive, he bought me food and anything I wanted. Then, he took me out to an expensive restaurant and told me to order anything on the menu. All together, he must have dropped $200 yesterday. He was just so nice. After dinner, outside of the restaurant while looking at the water, I got a warm, tight, surprise hug from him.

I did have my first sexual stirrings for him last night, but that may be due to my period about to start in a couple of days. I really want sex during that time.Anyway, sometimes his voice aggravates me-too deep for his frame. I wish he was taller with a larger body frame. He just seems too nice at this point, although he was in a hard rock band when he was young. I get the feeling that he could be a wimp.

I can't deal with a wimp-that I know. To his credit, he did admit that he shouldn't have let his wife run over him. I don't know if I want him for a bf. But, I do know I want to have sex with him. I know he would be safe, he's not the kind that sleeps around.Will the feelings develop? If they don't, do I use him for sex knowing that he likes me?Also, he hasn't made a move to give me some tongue yet....

Comment #9

To all, I may be worrying for nothing. The reality is this guy treats me like a princess. He is very much into me. He calls me everyday; treated me to a $200 date using and wouldn't let me give him a dime towards it; carries all my bags for me; opens doors for me. Has beautiful sensitive eyes; is educated and has a good job. Yes, I'm worrying that he could be wimply, but he's played in a rock band before, he can't be that much of a wimp (I hope).

I must be sexually attracted to him because I felt something when we were driving home and tonight, my loins are burning thinking about him...So, what the hell am I complaining for?!..

Comment #10

One thing I have noticed about us, as women, is that once we start asking ourselves too many questions or start taking out a pen and paper and lining up things about someone that are superficial...before we even get to know them....we distract ourselves from how we feel inside. The question do you feel when you are with him? The same statement would apply to a woman who is dating (online dating with someone who is big, hunky, the right age, with the right job...but when she are with him...she feels like dirt because that is how he is treating her. I would pose the same does he make you feel? Don't get distracted with the superficial.So if you could just stay focused on the interactions with the guy and how you feel when you are with him..then you will be fine. All of the analyses and questions we pose upon ourselves or we hear from friends tends to clutter our minds from where it needs to be. Who cares if he was in a rock band when he was a kid? And who cares if he spent $200 or $100 that night? If he was attentive, and generous with his time and ear and affection and turns you on...then you have a good start to a rewarding relationship...

Comment #11

"do I use him for sex knowing that he likes me?" would you like that done to you?..

Comment #12

No, I wasn't thinking right, snafu. I know that's just plain wrong...

Comment #13

Hi, Snafu. Thank you for your posts. You make some great points. How do I feel when I'm with him? I actually feel very good. He treats me well, the conversation is good and I feel very comfortable around him.snafu: "So if you could just stay focused on the interactions with the guy and how you feel when you are with him..then you will be fine."Yes, I think I'm going to do what you suggested above. Your whole post was great...

Comment #14

Thank you for the compliment, and enjoy your new found love!!..

Comment #15

Sooooo....did he ever slip you the tongue? Hopefully it is good tongue. I have had bad tongue and you definitely dont' want that. hehehehe...

Comment #16

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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