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I'm sure i'm over thinking this one, but i'm curious. I met a guy a week and a half ago at a bar. Once we met we chatted until I left. He got my number. He called 2 days later, we had a good conversation. He let me know he was going home to his parents house (out of state) on wed and would be gone till this past sunday, but would I want to meet up when he gets back.

So he called this past monday, but he didnt leave a voicemail. I wasnt sure what to do at first...i jsut had a missed call. friends told me to just call back. He answered when I called. We talked for a little over 10 min.

The one night I wasnt free was the night he wanted to do something. He had plans to see a b-ball game tuesday and tonight. he seemed uncomfortable asking for a friday date, but it came off as sort of uninterested to me. He said yeah we can get a bite to eat, then some drinks, then maybe you can meet up with you friends or something. I was a bit put off by that.

He then suggested we meet at 5:30pm. I was like, how about 6 since I work till 5? what is up with such an early date using on a friday? If he has plans later, maybe he should have just suggested another night?.

What do you think? I just dont want to waste my time with someoen who's not really interested in me...

Comments (20)

Your question was: Not sure what to think?.

Mmm... you're over thinking it. He's calling and wanting to go out with you, but wants to keep things casual for now. If you're into him, just go with the flow. Say yes to your Friday night rendezvous, but make sure to have plans after that. If things go great, maybe he'll come with you... keep YOUR options open...

Comment #1

He sounds elusive.  Like when he didn't leave the message, sounding half in and half out on a Friday night date, being with your friends or whatever.  You could see it as a lack of interest, I agree with you.  He may just be putting on an act, in which case YOU may lose interest in him.  You can try to go out with him this one time and see how it goes in person.  He may not have left a message for other reasons, like an incoming call...however...he should have attempted to call you again.  It is important to not make excuses for him, yet still be open.  But, if you got a bad vibe from him, then dont go out with him. ..

Comment #2

Ok well he called tonight like he said he would. He actually called twice, then left a voicemail...maybe that's what he was going to do monday, lol. His voicemail said he was on his way out, thinks that the place he's going to has no cell phone service, so he will call or text me later, if it's too late he'll call in the AM. He said he's still planning on meeting me at 6 tomorrow at the square we discussed. I got out of class at 9, had the message. I'm thinking I wont call him back since he said he'd call or text me? I guess if I havent heard from him by tomorrow afternoon then i'll call him? we havent picked a place to eat yet...

Comment #3

Hello Molly311!.

Well, It sounds like he is interested in getting to know you better if he makes an attempt to go out with you and hang out. On the early date using at 5:30, It seems like he wants to start the night out early with you, maybe give you guys more time to spend time with each other..

I would def give it a go. you never know! It might be great!.


Good luck!.


Comment #4

His discomfort could have been shyness.  You can give it a shot - at least you can bow out early if it seems like things aren't going that well.  Little ventured so not too big a loss if little gained.


Comment #5

Good luck on your date! He will call, give him that chance. I read somewhere that on the first date using (or three) that guys tend to meet on the early side of the night so if it doesn't go well, there's the out. If it does, it opens up the night for more spontaneous ideas. So if you meet for dinner, and it goes well, maybe you can go out for drinks, dancing, movie, walk whatever afterwards.

Remember, it also leaves YOUR night open for possibilites too. You might not like him after sitting with him during dinner. Sometimes our "fantasy" ideals of a date using aren't always reality.

Go with it, have fun and keep us posted!.


~Dare to believe in yourself~..

Comment #6

Thanks...he called again while I was at lunch...i called him back, left a i'm waiting for him to call again..hate all this phone tag stuff..

Comment #7

Glad to hear he followed through!  Your concerns must be eased.  And he left a vm message with no "missed call" - good.  Have a great time on your date!..

Comment #8

How did it go, Molly?  Hope you had fun!..

Comment #9

Well the date using seemed like it went pretty well. We were together for 4 hours, so I guess it wasnt as short as I thought it would be. We had dinner, some drinks, talked a lot. He did end up going out with friends after, he said he didnt want to, but I guess one of his friends is moving so he had promised him.  So the friend picked him up since he had taken the train into see me. When we were leaving he said I should know what i'm doing this week by either sunday or monday so ill give you a call then. I said, ok sounds good.

So that was it. His personality is a little different than I thought it would be, he seems really picky about food and complained alot about certain types of people, lol...we did talk about past relationships and religion, not sure that was the best idea, but i'm the type who can talk about anything and I didnt bring it up. He just got out of a 3 year rl this past summer...! Sounds like it was long distance. I didnt ask about it, he was just kind of telling me what his longest rl's were. Whatever! if he calls, great, if not I dont think I will be here asking all sorts of questions why, because I dont care all that much now...

Comment #10

I guess maybe a little? Sounds like he has a tough job, plus he said he jsut got out of a 3 year rl.

I'm wondering if I should text him thank you, I had fun? one of my friends said I should, but I'm not sure. I figure he plans to call, he'll call....

Comment #11

<< I'm wondering if I should text him thank you, I had fun? one of my friends said I should, but I'm not sure. I figure he plans to call, he'll call..>>.

Since you don't really care if he calls or not, does it really matter if you text or not?   Why go thru the motions if you're not even interested?  .

Honestly Molly ... I think you built him up so much in your mind, in your excitement that he had no where to go but down.  Which I predicted would be the case based on your excitement this week.   Unfounded expectations almost always = disappointment...

Comment #12

Yeah I did build him up I guess. Im not sure how I feel. I think I would like him to call again and see how another date using goes...but i'm not sure I need to text him? I had a nice time, but it's not like i'm thinking, OMG this is the one, if he doesnt call me, i'll be so upset...

Comment #13

I wouldn't text him.  Leave the ball in his court and see what he does. ..

Comment #14

Well, if someone treated me to a good time whether it be friend or date using I would call and say thanks.  No reason to be rude especially if you want to leave things on good terms with him in general...

Comment #15

Definitely no reason to be rude and I'm not suggesting that at all.  I bet that she thanked him already when they parted.  That is an assumption, though.  One could easily forget, due to nervousness, etc.  Either way, it's been one date using and I'd leave the ball in his court.   ..

Comment #16

<< Im not sure how I feel. I think I would like him to call again and see how another date using goes...but i'm not sure I need to text him? >>.

Then don't.  Its no biggie.  .

Being indecisive is a decision ... it's a decision NOT to decide.   You are often posting with statements of not knowing what to think or what to do or how you feel.  You seem to be highly influenced by the opinion of others and perhaps base your decisions and judgements on what other people think, feel, say, etc..

Hon, I don't mean to sound harsh ... but, do YOU know YOU?    I mean, in the grand scheme of things ... to text or not to text is hardly a big decision.   And you're ambivalent about the guy anyway, so who cares!!  .

I know you've been on the boards for awhile and we've advised you a variety of situations ... but, I am still getting the impression that Molly doesn't really know Molly ... and it may very well be time to figure out what you want and need ... and choose that! ... because there's a whole lot of indecisiveness and analyzing things consistently going on ... and lemme tell you ...

Then, all that indecision and confusion goes out the window ... and it's replaced by clarity.  .

A good start is just taking people at face value ... do not project past experiences into the present ... but, listen to that voice inside if it's telling you something isn't right.   Use discernment.  Do not fabricate somethign that may not be there.   Face value..

What i'm sensing is that your overanalyzing causes you to project things into situations that just ... aren't ... there.    You can stop doing that any time you choose.


Comment #17

<<You are often posting with statements of not knowing what to think or what to do or how you feel.  You seem to be highly influenced by the opinion of others and perhaps base your decisions and judgements on what other people think, feel, say, etc.>>.

This is a rude comment.  These are MESSAGE/SUPPORT boards!  I'm sure that she doesn't run to the boards even .5% of the time that she needs to make a decision.  She's using the boards for support and input.  She feels comfortable doing so because folks are anonymous and it should be a non-judgemental way to get some feedback.  She could easily sign up for a new User Name every time that she's got a dilemma so that she doesn't have to be judged or called out for "posting often with statements of not knowing what to think or what to do".  I completely support you, Molly.  dating (online dating with is very interesting/challenging these days.  I'm an extremely successful professional, yet I find dating (online dating with to be a bit frustrating these days.  I rarely need advice in my career, but I very often bounce dating (online dating with dilemmas off friends (and sometimes message/support boards)..

Edited 9/29/2007 7:28 pm ET by kara1122.

Edited 9/29/2007 7:29 pm ET by kara1122..

Comment #18

I think there is a mix up here.  If you look at the thread in the outline form you will see that I posted my reply to molly not to you.  So I was not contradicting anything you said to her.  The more replies a poster gets the better so that they can see the variety of ways one would handle something.  =)..

Comment #19

<< This is a rude comment.  These are MESSAGE/SUPPORT boards! >>.

If Molly (OP) considered it be rude, then I will gladly apologize to her.   However, if you read what I said, it was far from rude ... it was an honest observation ... as regular poster here ... who has observed many of the same reccuring situations from her.   Have you been the boards as long?  Perhaps you are not as familiar with her posting history?.

Making an observation and encouraging a person to introspect and decide what she's looking for ... what she wants/needs ... isn't rude.  If she can dispute what I said, then ... that's fine.  However, if she's honest with herself, she will likely agree with me.  .

Lastly, this board isn't a support board ... while there are support boards on iV ... this isn't under the category of a support board ... it's a dating (online dating with message board.   Advice, yes.  Support, no...

Comment #20

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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