New commercial?!?

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My first question is: New commercial?!?.

My next question is: I have been on the east coast all my life. I have a great job, friends, and family close by. But the man I love's job is relocating all the way across the country, and he wants me to go with him! We have only been dating (online dating with for about 8 months, but everything has been great, and I can really see myself being with him. But it has only been 8 months, and while I feel like I would pick up and move for him in a heartbeat, the wrong decision could be catestrophic for me.  How should I weigh out this life changing decision?..

Comments (9)

Your question was: New commercial?!?.

Wow, that is a tough one. What about a compromise? Say for example, you stay behind on the East coast for a bit until you guys have been dating (online dating with for at least a year( or however long you choose). That gives you 4 months of an LDR, but it could give you time to decide if this is really what you want. Compatibility is also about two people moving in the same direction literally and figuratively. If you guys are still going strong, you could looking into moving once you have been together for your determined amount of time..



Comment #1

This is a tough one for sure.  yogagirl makes a great suggestion...give the relationship (thru more time and see how he settles into things in his new home and job..

The only thing I would caution you about is the possibility of your relationship (thru changing once you settle into your new home together.  Many times relationships are kind of molded by external factors like how well you get along with his friends, how happy he is in his environment, does your mom like him and employment issues.  Once something in the delicate mobile of your relationship (thru is altered the mobile shifts and then shifts again in an effort to rebalance itself.  So if you move with him and he makes all of these new friends at work and they are different types than what he has now (maybe more bachelor types or into playing tennis all the time - whatever) that will have an impact on your relationship.  It could make him happy or sad or have no impact, but maybe you cant find a job right away and that does have an impact.  Any variable could change things.  Do you feel that you two are tight enough and loyal enough to each other (as friends and people, not just lovers) to be able to withstand that type of shift?..

Comment #2

Don't do it!! it's only 8 months, not long enough for such a drastic change..

I did this silly mistake, moving about 200 miles from home, and now am moving back, house.

Up for sale...............I regretted it, it wasn't what I thought, and now want to go back to.

Family & friends..


I think it's much too soon, let him move alone, and you can visit, and as time goes on see.

How things go. This is a huge thing, think honestly & be true to you and your wants and needs!..

Comment #3

Thanks to all of you for the great advice. I agree... he really threw a wrench in on this one. To put a little more detail in the mix, he is a firefighter, and has to take their agility test in March or April. So there is a chance he wont make it, but his chances are good, and this is his dream. So that does give us a few more months in our relationship (thru to brew over the options.

(LOL!!) Then we can stay here and live happily ever after right?! Thanks to all of you for the great advice. I agree... he really threw a wrench in on this one. To put a little more detail in the mix, he is a firefighter, and has to take their agility test in March or April. So there is a chance he wont make it, but his chances are good, and this is his dream.

I know this is horrible of me but maybe he wont get the job. (LOL!!) Then we can stay here and live happily ever after right?!.


I'll keep you all posted.



Comment #4

You've known him for 8 what do you know about him? His name and family? Work and hobbies? Line of work? But do you know HIM really? Are you compatible with regard to standards in life? Do you have similar positions regarding religion, raising kids, viewing the future?  Is he the man you see yourself in 5 years? Have you seen red flags? have you known him in different settings, such as alone, with family, friends, mom and dad? Does he have a record, criminal or else? ALL information is relevant when it comes to "picking up" and moving to a different place. Has he asked you to marry him OR was just "come live with me"? It's really different to move while engaged than to move to live with someone. What is it doesn't work out? He'll be happy with a job and a new life and you'll miles away from family, a good job and a support system..

He's been a tad selfish in asking you to leave every thing behind -work, family, friends, support system -to move to a new city..

You've been all your life in the East coast, have a great job, family and friends. You have your life established where you are..

To give you my opinion, I wouldn't move for a man and not for a man I've dated for only 8 months. I wouldn't leave my job and family to venture new situations.  I'd be different if I wanted to move myself, had a job lined up and my own apartment. Never, ever move for a man leaving your life behind. That's the worst mistake a person can make..

Tough desicion. Think about you and not him. He's doing that...

Comment #5

I agree with you, you bring up all great and valid points. So that everyone knows a little more about the situation, maybe some facts would help:.

As far as our relationship: I know his family and he knows mine well. He is a firefighter and a successful real estate agent. He would be sacrificing just as much as I would in a lot of ways. Our standards in life, religious beliefs, raising kids and viewing the future are all very much the same. I do see myself with him in five years and more. I am extremely sensitive to red flags as I my last relationship (thru (2 yrs before I met my current bf) was abusive and a nightmare, and this man is completely reasonable as far as I can possibly tell.

The main reason that he wants to move there is the quality of life that it could provide us and our family someday. Heavy stuff for 8 mos worth, I know! But I am really a grounded individual and would ordinarily never pick up and move my life for some guy. I dont fall in love easily or make decisions on a whim but I do feel like this is something I could possibly do, but I want to think it through so thats why Im here.

I do agree also with the fact that it does seem like a selfish thing to ask of someone. But all I can say in his defense is that youd have to know him... hes a go-getter and wants the best in life and will make sacrifices to get there no matter what. I know his desire to ask of this is in good faith. But like I say, I want to make sure Ive thought this through as well. Hopefully this helps provide some background insight, thank you everyone for caring enough to help me through this!!.



Comment #6

After reading your last post, I say do it.. go, it will be an adventure for you both, your family and friends will be there for you should things not go right. v..

Comment #7

Can you try it long distance a while before making the leap.  go on lengthy visits - see how you like it, what there is for you, what attempts he's making to make things comfortable for you and how things go between you with such a major change.  Its a big decision as you  said. Take your time.


Comment #8

He made this choice of taking a job across the country without your input.  At 8 months you two haven't reached the 'team' mentality yet, where you actually discuss big decisions like this.  He is basically telling you to take it or leave it.  Hopefully this isn't the way the rest of his big decisions will be handled..

I say do the long distance relationship (thru for a bit.  Tell him you will move there in about 10 months if the two of you still love eachother and see a future together (I would ask for some sort of a promise in this catagory, moving across the country for a date using is not enough), if he loves his job, and if he loves where he lives.  You don't want to pick up and follow him, only to find out that one of the above is not true..

You also need to tell him that you are somewhat hurt that he made this decision with little consideration to you.  That you realize 8 months is too early for him to include you in everything and that he had applied for this job probably even 3 months earlier (together only 5 months), but as time goes on, he needs to ask what you think.  Not give you an ultimatum of I'm moving, and you can follow or just stay here..

Sometimes I think a relationship (thru needs some hardships to test it's durability.  It weeds out the weak.  Also sometimes I think a little away time (long distance) is good.  Lets you talk without so much of the hormones in the way.  However, you can't get to really know someone during a long distance relationship.  Don't do the long distance thing for too long.   .


Comment #9

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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