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Need some advice..PLEASE

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*I know this is long..but I wanted to give every single detail:Ok, so I went on a date using Match.com with this guy, and it went well..I think. I can't really tell with guys..they're SO hard to read. Here are some of the things that happened that kind of stood out (time for the analyze the date using Match.com game):Some of the good things:1) Of course he paid for everything, dinner and a movie. I offered to pay for dinner but he said that he was paying.2) We talked a LOT. We had a lot of time to kill between dinner and the movie so I got to know a lot about him. (he doesn't curse or drink)3) He put his arm around my chair when we were eating (though I'm not sure if this is a big deal or not, some guys just do it anyways to stretch or something)4) At the end of the date using Match.com when he took me back to my apartment he said "I'm glad we got together"5) He also made reference to the fact that we need to play volleyball or go biking again.*I don't know if he was saying these things just to be nice or what? Sometimes guys do thatSome of the questionable things:1) We saw a guy he used to play golf with at dinner.

He probably just didn't think about it)2) I felt I was being tested. He was really firing some hard questions at me to see how I would react such as:- What would you do if your husband watched football all day? (All the guys at the table were trying to figure out what had happened with a football team that day..they all had their cell phones out, getting up to check the tv, etc. I looked at the wife of the guy he knew and kind of rolled my eyes and said "Boys" in a joking way) I don't remember how I responded..I think I just said something like..I don't know..watch it with him I guess.- What would you do if you had to cook for your family? (We were killing time in a bookstore before our movie and I was looking at cook books. I had previously told him I was a horrible cook and didn't really do it.) I think I said..well I'll just have to learn then. He later told me he doesn't mind doing dishes but he hates to cook.- He asked if I drink..and I do drink but I don't drink that much.

He asked if I got buzzed and I said that I am a lightweight so when I drink a glass of wine I just get really happy and friendly and a little flirty.*This questions were throughout the night..they weren't like one right after the otherHe didn't really touch me at all..like try to hold my hand or kiss me or anything, which I am fine with. It's not that I didn't want him to, it's just that this was our first "real" date using Match.com and I like to take things slow and I think he does too. Though he did hit me on my arm a few times. I can remember once when I was coughing in the movie (I had an itch..i hate that..to see if I was alright, and then again near the end of the night b/c I was biting my nails and I told him earlier it was a bad habit of mine)He's very laid back and really into sports. He's definitely a jock.

He said he hadn't met a girl yet that wasn't high maintenance. He said well if it's true then you're the first girl i've met that's low maintenance. He also didn't believe me when I said that I like westerns (we saw 3:10 to Yuma)..i think he thought I was trying to impress him, which wasn't really the case. I like action movies.Also, one last thing. We didn't get back till almost midnight b/c we had seen a late movie.

He was yawning and saying 'I hope I can make it back without falling asleep.' I got a little worried and made sure when he was dropping me off that he would be fine to drive back. I guess I could have offered him my couch if he needed it but I didn't think he would accept anyways. So I felt kind of guilty about that. I texted him this morning to see if he got back ok (but I remembered he doesn't get good cell phone reception at all where he lives..we kind of live in the country), so I thought that maybe he would text me back on Monday..but it is now Tuesday and I haven't heard from him Sooo I don't know what he's thinking at the moment. Any thoughts?..

Comments (5)

Your question was: Need some advice..PLEASE.

His "hard" questions seem to me more a way to get to know you, not to test you.  And, if it was a test it doesn't mean there is a wrong answer there is just a wrong answer for him.  If he knows that he only wants to be with someone who loves football and is willing to cook every night, and that's just not you, it's better to know now and cut things off before more feelings develop..

And don't feel guilty for not inviting him to spend the night!! It was a first date using Match.com and would have sent the wrong message..

Hopefully you hear from him soon!..

Comment #1

It's SO funny how different people have different interpretations of the same thing.  LOL  I love it.  Because to me those questions are really pushy for a first date! Maybe a few dates later when you're comfortable and hanging out on the couch!  Those questions would actually annoy me and I wouldn't want to see him again.  But I noticed that most of your post was all about what *he* thought, etc.  I'd be like err, screw what *he* thought, what do *I* think about *him*?   *Really* think about it, I mean, was there a super-sparks connection?  Is he really really super great, can't-let-him-go guy?  Do *you* like him alot?  Because what *you* think matters too! ..

Comment #2

He asked you very pointed questions.  I have experienced that with men and it usually puts me off.  There is usually a way to work in questions into a conversation without an "interview" feel to it. .

He didnt ask to take you out again on a nighttime date, more like a sports outting...casual...how do you feel about that?.

It doesnt sound like you like him all that much.  It sounds like you felt judged by him that night.  It wasnt very considerate of him to not text you back after you expressed concern about him.  I'd take him or leave him if I were you.  That is...unless his actions and demeanor change on the next date...

Comment #3

Ok, here is an update.  He did text me today (Tuesday)..he has always been a little late on his texts..but since it was after the first date..I got a little nervous.  I didn't immediately reply to his text b/c I decided that I would call him that night..since I am getting tired of all the texting and it's so impersonal.  But before I called him he texted me AGAIN..just something random..

So I think he still may be interested in me, but maybe those questions were his way of finding out if I would be the right fit and if he would be the right fit for me.  He is slightly older (he's 32) and he is probably sick of playing games and thinks it may be a waste of time to have any further dates if he doesn't think we are a good fit.  It seems to me he is looking for something serious and long term (as I am too).  The reason why I was focusing more on the *what does he think* rather than the *what do I think*, is mainly because I already know I like him.  We have a lot in common, he's got a great personality, he's attractive and easy going.  He's the kind of guy you would want to take home to mom and dad.  So in a way, I've made my decision...and I think I would like to continue seeing him, if he wanted to do the same..

I called him tonight after I left a friend's house and we had a nice conversation.  So things may be picking up..it just stinks b/c this weekend he is out of town for a basketball clinic and next weekend I am out of town for a college football game.  I swear..the life of a coach these days   I will post more updates as I get them.  There's always SOMETHING to stress about in relationships!..

Comment #4

Good luck!  Hope things work out for you. =)..

Comment #5


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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