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My friend met this guy on match.com?

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My first question is: My friend met this guy on match.com?.

My next question is: This is about 2 guys and not one! Ok first one..I met this guy on NYE and we ended up kissing the same night. Yes he is cute to look but I ended up kissing him 1. Becx I was a little high (usually I never drink that much) 2. I am just recently out of my marriage 3. I was having fun on my NYE.  So all mixed up. But he and I when ever we meet so far have been kind of taking it easy.

I  liked it but I also knew he is not the one for me. It is sometimes too bad - I feel I need some man. Is this wrong? I have been in marriage for 7 years with no chemistry with my ex. It hurts.  I never had any chemistry with my ex.

If I meet some one with who I share some chemistry and if I kiss him I sometimes feel - he is taking advantage of me being single.  I know I should take it slow- but it has happened this year for 2 times.

Second one.. It happend with another guy whom I met at a party sometime arnd May- he said he is even in love with me after we met for few weeks. He and I started meeting often for about 3 months - it was okay even though I knew he is NOT my special person. I had to go out on vacation in July and I left. He even helped me pack my stuff in my old place. he helped me move! Nice of him, right?.

But I went out of country and I came back with a different perspective with lot going on in my life.  Nothing to blame with either of the two guys. Both of them know I am out of marriage recently. U know- getting divorced is not easy and I am just coming out of my relationship. Yes, it has been one year now but I was meeting my ex for some reasons and now we have stopped. I am over my ex now and ready to move on..

So, the first man I met- he is not my type. He is doing very well in his job, he likes me I think - for what ever reaosn. he has been trying to meet me but he is also taking slow. I stopped meeting him after sometime in April. But we occassionally call each other and say hi. If I call him, he promptly calls back next few days till again I stop calling.

So I am ignoring him..

The second one I knew even this second person might not be the one I am looking for. But he is a good guy and he seems to like me except that when he comes to kiss me and touch me I feel he is being friends only because he wants to physically be around me. He is a nice person I know. But why did I allow him to kiss me? I am angry with myself now. He even asked me to move in with him in the very beginning of the so called "Dating" we had. Let me see if he will call me during this long weekend.

But now I guess is too late. I am confused whether I should meet him to just get kisses at this point Is he also having fun and I should also take this easy? I don't want to later feel just ashamed and angry with myself. It is just that I started becoming very busy from past 3 months after coming from my vacation- something along those lineswe both got busy actually ..he also started calling me less and I also did not feel there is anything between us (other than getting physical sometimes when we met) But I think he feels I am more settled in life than him becx he just came to USA and started with a new job..he might be feeling inferior but I am not sure..anyways the fact is- we are not meeting often..things are just following regular flows..sometimes we call each other and say hi thats all. I even think he still likes me but he is waiting for me to show my feelings now..since he has already told me he loves me but I did not take it very seriously. I dont even know whether I hurt him along the way..I was just trying to meet him and get to know him but he rushed!.

So how do I handle this now?  You think I am wasting time even thinking all this? should I talk to this second person? or should I ignore him? Shall I delete his name from my cell? I donno why I am even writing this here..thanks for your time!.

 ..

Comments (4)

Your question was: My friend met this guy on match.com?.

Are you finding it hard to tell how you feel because you are semi-involved with both of them - plus the ex?  Some people can date using Match.com multiple partners at once and some cant..

The first guy may make a nice buddy with whom you can enjoy a physical relationship (thru Match.com) and have someone fun or nice to talk to.  Since he does not initiate contact with you often then he is looking for something casual.  If you want a relationship (thru Match.com) like this in your life, then go for it. But dont expect to have him be your boyfriend or expect boyfriend-like behaviors from him.  You said that you are ignoring him because you sense he primarily wants a physical relationship (thru Match.com) with you, but in all honesty you are probably not ready for a heavy duty emotional relationship (thru Match.com) right now because of the divorce - the change of pace could be nice for you..

"If I meet some one with who I share some chemistry and if I kiss him I sometimes feel - he is taking advantage of me being single."> well, he could say the same about you...that you are taking advantage of him physically, hehehe. .

The second guy sounds very sweet and nice, but if you dont have *it* for him chemistry-wise, then let him go because he is moving rather fast for someone who does not share a passionate relationship (thru Match.com) with you.  You need to have a conversation with him and relay your feelings to him...

Comment #1

Thanks for clearing this up I might talk to him over this long weekend. but I will first wait for one  more day and see if he is gonna call me. U think I should let him know I felt used? The problem is - I want him to call me and tell me he wants to see me. But if I have given him hints that I am not into him, he wont do that I know. But I am hoping for some magic I am being too optimistic! Maybe I will end this with him soon! Is it wrong to get some kisses after all?..

Comment #2

Who do you feel used you the first guy from NYE or the other?.

From what I got from your original post you wanted to know whether or not to tell the second guy (the one who helped you move) that you wanted to break things off - I am not getting that from your second post.  It sounds like you are now talking about the first guy again...the one you are ignoring.  Is that correct?.

 ..

Comment #3

I think you need to take some time for yourself without being with anyone right now. Maybe get some counseling to work through your divorce and other issues, work on your self esteem.How do you think he used you.... By kissing you? Did you kiss him back? Did he twist your arm for the kiss? YOU are responsible for your actions, if he kissed you and you kissed him back, then that is not using you, you went along with it...Hoping for magic when you are a child is great, but that doesn't happen when you grow up. If you gave him the feeling that you didn't want anything to do with him, then he shouldn't call you. If you want to see him, then you need to put forth the effort and let him know you are interested. Why would you think it is wrong to get some kisses? What is so wrong about enjoying things as they come, just because you share some kisses with someone doesn't mean anything but you kissed.

Good luck..

Comment #4


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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