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My boyfriend says he got "spam" from match.com and that's why he's getting emails from them. Is he l

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My first question is: My boyfriend says he got "spam" from match.com and that's why he's getting emails from them. Is he l.

My next question is: My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years.  Except for a few months last summer.  During that time, he hooked up with and ex at the bar, one thing led to another and she got pregnant.  Well, we got back together a few days before she came to him with the news.  At any rate, there is now a baby involved.  Of course I was VERY upset.  And even now I can't stand when she drops the baby off at his house, or he goes over there to pick the baby up.  I don't hold it against the child.  He has him every other weekend and I usually end up being the one taking care of him, I don't mind.  My b/f and I don't live together.  He also has a 13 year old daughter.  Well, anyway, the baby's mom told him that he couldn't see the baby if he was going to be with me.  He told her that wasn't going to work out.  But suddenly, when his daughter is there he doesn't want me to spend the night with him.  He says it is for his daughter's sake.  But I feel like it is because the daughter's mom and the baby's mom are friends, and he doesn't want the baby's mom to find out that I am there, taking care of the baby.  I am still really hurt over this whole situation.  But he just thinks I need to get over it.  He says he loves me and wants to be with me, and I am being way too insecure.  That if it wasn't what he wanted he wouldn't be with me.  I don't know what to do.  The only time I feel even a little secure in our relationship (thru Match.com) anymore is if he is by my side.  I 2nd guess everything when we are apart.  I don't know what to do.  I am driving myself nuts, and I think I am really pushing him away.   lately, I just think I need to end things with him, but 6 years is a long time to give up on.  Any advice?  I'm  really confused on what I should do...

Comments (6)

Your question was: My boyfriend says he got "spam" from match.com and that's why he's getting emails from them. Is he l.

You are dealing with a trust issue, in other words you dont trust him.  Not a good foundation for a lasting relationship (thru Match.com) a major red flag in my opinion.  Two illegitimate children with 2 different women? I can see 1 mistake, but two?  I would not want to be with him..

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My next door neighbor.

Wants to ban all guns.

THEIR HOUSE IS UNARMED.

Out of respect for their opinion I will not protect.

Them with my guns..

Comment #1

Hi there,.

I think you already know that you can't trust him. He went out and cheated, didn't he? As for 'one thing led to another' - please, he chose to have sex with the woman..

As a woman whose SO has a child I have to ask, why are YOU taking care of this child? It's not your job, it's his. A lot of men tend to do this; they have a child, they have a new girflfriend, and suddenly the girlfriend is taking over what he should be doing. I'm not saying the BM is right to tell him he can't see his child, but most mothers would like to know that DAD is actually doing the parenting on his time. Pretty reasonable. If she wants to stop him from seeing the child just because he is with you, well she is being very petty. But HE has to make the right decision for his child, and for you two..

>>lately, I just think I need to end things with him, but 6 years is a long time to give up on.<<.

IMO, he gave up when he 'hooked up' with his ex. I just feel like you will do for him and for his children and you will be wondering how appreciated you are. I don't think it's worth it...

Comment #2

>>Two illegitimate children <<.

OT: I hate that term. It's a pet peeve of mine..

CL - Women of Color  ..

Comment #3

I am from the old school ..I don't think you should be there when the child is there because you are not married to him. I know the child is now just a baby but it sets a bad example...its definitely a big no no IMO if he has the 13 year old over. I just don't think that 's right.

Also, little unclear on the baby's sex..M or F..you said when the mother the baby off, you would take care of him??? Your BF is the father and needs to take care of his child..its not your responsibility....

As for the BF, I don't know..its sounds like he's got an incredible amount of drama in his life..two children out of wedlock (with two different women?? I wasnt clear on that)..I am already exhausted just reading about his drama....

The big picture, 6 years may seem like long time but it's really not. It is possible to have a healthy relationship (thru Match.com) with someone minus the drama. You just have to decide what it is you REALLY want. The kids are here, the ex(s) are here; that part of the situation is not going to change.

Good luck to you...

Comment #4

Sorry should have just said 2 children..

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My next door neighbor.

Wants to ban all guns.

THEIR HOUSE IS UNARMED.

Out of respect for their opinion I will not protect.

Them with my guns..

Comment #5

Please make it a rule not to stick around with men who can't stay faithful to you before you're married.It took a very short amount of time for him to forget five years with you and procreate with someone else. Yes, walk away from him...

Comment #6


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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