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My b/f for 5 yrs found on match.com?

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My first question is: My b/f for 5 yrs found on match.com?.

My next question is: I've been dating (online dating with Match.com) this guy for about 4 months now - wow, I suppose it hasn't been too long to as for advice. Anyway, the past few weeks, he's been very attentive towards me - more than I've ever seen him do. Called 3 times a day just to check up (I was traveling for work), he didn't leave my side during my bday bash, made future plans to spend time together...then all of a sudden, he disappeared (well, stopped contacting me). He has a tendency to do this (so he tells me), but if someone were interested, they would make an effort right? I sent him a text and a few hours later gave him a call - no response, so I just stopped trying after that. I normally do the "three times the charm" bit, but for some reason I'm saving my last attempt to contact him. I'd hate for another "no response." I know he has guests over, but it takes two seconds to text or call back.

I guess I just answered my own question...so I suppose what I'm asking for advice on is...any insight on what you might do? My head is so cluttered with different emotions, sometimes hearing the thoughts of others helps me put a perceptive on things...

Comments (10)

Your question was: My b/f for 5 yrs found on match.com?.

I would *not* contact this guy again. I know it is very frustrating and confusing to have a guy "disappear" on you. Unfortunately I think it has happened to most women at some point. It happened to me recently!.

The way I feel about this is that if a guy disappears on you, you're lucky to never hear from the creep again. It's just immature, wishy-washy behavior. And the problem is, once he does this, you never know if he'll do it again. He's essentially ruined his record with you it's hard now to look at him as a trustworthy person..

So, you've texted, you've called ... leave it at that! If he's interested, he'll get in contact and he'd better have a good explanation for his behavior. For me, there's a point where, even if he gets in contact, it's too late because he may be interested, but he's not interested enough!.

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Comment #1

Aw, I totally get you, girl.  I've been in a similar situation.  So he told you that he tends to disappear or not respond?  Did he say that this would last several days?  Did he say *why* he does this?  You've already tried to contact him a couple of times, which seems like more than enough to me.  It is his turn to contact you, and more than that, whenever he does, I would want an explanation for where he's been and why he hasn't returned your calls. .

One day a couple of months ago, I had had such a bad day and I tried calling my boyfriend like a million times late that night.  I'm talking dozens and dozens of times, like psycho-proportions LOL  I'd never done that before, but I really needed to talk to him.  I never reached him that night, there was no answer.  First thing the next morning, he called me.  He said he was asleep when I was calling all the night before and he was worried when he saw I tried to reach him so many times.  This is one of the ways I could tell that he loved me.  He could have gotten annoyed or thought I was crazy.  Instead, he was worried and called me first thing.  I'm not making any conclusions about your situation.  I'm just giving an example of what I personally consider to be behavior that shows that a guy cares about me.   Hope this helps somehow...

Comment #2

"This is one of the ways I could tell that he loved me.  He could have gotten annoyed or thought I was crazy.  Instead, he was worried and called me first thing. ".

I can see why you took him back...*wink* ..

Comment #3

For so many women in your position..and there are many...the big question is "why?"  Why did he do this?  What did I do?.

Unfortunately most women never find out the answers to their questions.  And..the *why's* really dont matter.  All that matters is that he did what he did. Short of ending up in a hospital in a coma...there really is no good explanation for what he did..

I can suggest that you start to disconnect from him mentally and emotionally and if you have any reminders of him around to put them away or throw them away, whichever you prefer.  The sooner you start your grieving process, the better off you'll be..

I'm sure you are stunned and speechless and the shock will take some time to wear off, considering how attentive he was prior to this.  What these ghosters do is create trauma for a woman to deal with over and over and eventually she gets frightened of the first phone call that is not returned by the next guy..

So many of today's young men are cowards and are afraid of their own shadows, let alone a relationship. Where are men with guts?  Our male population is soooo emotionally and mentally fragile that it makes me want to puke.  So instead of facing the music or the tears of a broken hearted woman...they just leave because it is easier for them somehow.  Eventually he will experience what he did to you and it wont be pleasant for him..

Stephanie give good advice and so does allie.  Listen to them...

Comment #4

I know! LOL  I think it's sort of good that we had some time apart inbetween because it gave us both time to reflect on stuff and then we have come back stronger......

Comment #5

It's funny that you posted this because I just wrote about this on my blog on Saturday.  I happened to see an old "Ghost" of mine in the bookstore this weekend.  I have had several men ghost on me.  I had one guy ghost 3 months into an exclusive relationship.  However, most men that do this will disappear within the first few weeks of dating (online dating with Match.com) (thankfully) before you have invested too much time and energy into them. .

As for the "Whys" all I can say is who knows?  Usually it boils down to loss of interest.  dating (online dating with Match.com) several people at once can also be the culprit.  I accidentally ghosted on a guy one time because I was trying to date using Match.com too many guys at once and then I was a bit too chicken sh*t to call him up 3 weeks later and explain. .

The best way to handle it is to chalk it up to a lesson learned and move on to the next guy.  I also try to remember not to get too invested in a guy before I've had more time to gage his level of investment in me.  I try not to give my heart to a guy before he asks for it. .

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Sorry you have to go through this, it sucks!  But on the brightside you have a ghost story for this Halloween!.

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YG.

Http://twodatediva.blogspot.com/..

Comment #6

I checked out your blog and read your Ghost Story. Could I ever relate! A very similar thing happened to me lately ... the "oomph" was there on both sides, I knew it, but the guy ghosted. I think we all owe it to ourselves to listen to our "Little Voice", as you did. Great blog!.

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Comment #7

I think when the oomph is there for both people, it makes it suck even worse!  I can understand it if a guy doesn't seem to be into me and then he disappears, but it's a lot harder to take when all of the signs are there that he is and he still takes off. .

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Thanks for the compliment!.

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YG.

Http://twodatediva.blogspot.com/..

Comment #8

How long has it been since you heard from him - a day, two days, a week?  It obviously makes a difference. And you said he has guests over.  I'd wait and not contact him again. But certainly the more you two move forward the more you would want to understand what his "disappearances" mean and why he needs them..

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Comment #9

As of today, it's been nearly 4 days.  I have a feeling he'll contact me today, if not, I'm just not going to worry about it as much as I have been.  Just keeping busy with work and friends. .

What are your thoughts?..

Comment #10


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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