Mixed Messages....or is it just me?

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I've been seeing this great guy for about a month now. I've been widowed for about half a year now, and he knows it. He said he had his eye on me for a while (we worked together), and one day he invited me to a house party, after we'd been IMing a lot online for quite some time. The attraction was quite mutual. He knows all the story about my being widowed and all, and he was even concerned after we hooked up, wanting to know if I was ok with what was happening between us. Maybe i've just been out of the dating/guy loop for a while (i was married 4 years before I was widowed), but I feel like i'm getting these mixed messages from him, and I just can't quite gauge whether or not he's playing me.

His sister and nephew met me and really liked me as well. A mutual friend of ours jokingly told him she was hot for him, and he replied to her "i'm working on someone right now. I don't want to mess anything with her." He eventually confessed to her who it was that he was seeing (me).I know he's busy with work, so we don't see each other everyday. Also, we text message and IM a lot (we've never really talked over the phone, actually). Some days I don't text him at all because I don't want to come across a clingy or whatever, and I want to give him space.

He said he had a lot to think about, but he didn't want to talk about it. He said he's not a big talker, but he goes through these "phases" sometimes, and he just writes or goes out for drives to clear his mind. (all this by IM or text message). He does strike me as being a very sensitive guy. Also, lately he keeps mentioning that he's having trouble sleeping, and that makes him very tired.But then he texts me and we meet up, and he's once again very sweet and affectionate towards me.

We haven't had the chance to have a serious talk yet, so maybe i'm overthinking and jumping the gun or whatever. It seems he has a few exes out there, but I have yet to find out what happened with them. I did find out from him and his friends that i'm the first sexy (and African-American, though I look latina) girl he's dating. It seems all his past girlfriends were of the chunky variety. Also, he's 30 and i'm 31.

Is he playing me? Are just FWB? I won't know until we have a serious talk, but what do you think?..

Comments (5)

Your question was: Mixed Messages....or is it just me?.

It's only been 1 month, why should he give up his whole life and concentrate on only you?He doesn't know you well enough to make a decision yet, and I don't think you do either.It takes time to get to know someone and 1 month is too soon.Give it some time and see where things go, don't make him you whole life. Continue on with your life as if he wasn't in it. Be happy and content in your own life.If he is playing you, you will find out in time. Actions speak louder than words.FWB? Don't have sex with him until you are sure what the relationship (thru is and you agree on what it is.Just give it some time, take it slow...

Comment #1


Grownazzwoman out!..

Comment #2


Grownazzwoman out!..

Comment #3

Everyone loves to text and IM nowadays. It takes something away from dating (online dating with and falling in love. Conversations by phone are far better in terms of building closeness.Since he has apologized twice for being distant and having a lot on his mind I think the answer is very clear...he likes you and is attracted to you, but he is keeping his distance. You could ask why he is being distant and what is troubling him. It probably has nothing to do with you. But, if he is moody or inconsistent in how he treats you, you need to tell him that it bothers you.I wouldn't do any snooping into his past or his exes via his friends.

Just remember that if you ask a question you need to be prepared for the answer...

Comment #4

It wouldnt be the first time that this happened to two women...

Comment #5

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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