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Mismatched?

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I have started to date using Match.com a very nice guy who seems to be super into me. The only problem is that we are incredibly different people.I am an ivy league girl planning to attend law school. I have been raised around music, culture and travel. My parents have always emphasized the importance of intellect and education. Therefore, I have always surrounded myself with boyfriends with similar values.The guy I am currently dating (online dating with Match.com) is incredibly nice. He is a few years older than I am.

He has several siblings who also have not attended college and bounce between unstable jobs. I am convinced he is intelligent; yet when he speaks, he presents himself as somewhat of a meathead (which does irritate me at times). Actually, his friends jokingly call him a meathead because of his love for the gym. He has never been exposed to art, music and many of the experiences I have grown to love, and spends most of his free time weightlifting. I am starting to feel like a horrible snob for analyzing my guy this way.

I dont know if I should try to expose him to some of my interests, or if my attempts to give him class would be entirely inappropriate. I apologize for sounding snobbish or condescending. He truly is a nice guy and the last thing I want to do is hurt him. I am just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience.All advice would be appreciated. Thank you!!..

Comments (4)

Your question was: Mismatched?.

Livia38...PG might be wrong, but you sound like you're torn between your parents' values (which include the ivy league upbringing and background)...and the fact that you ACTUALLY MIGHT BE ABLE TO SEE A FUTURE WITH THIS MAN?Given this...could you be content spending the rest of your life with a man whose educational background and standards might be lower than what you're expecting? And if this is possible...can you face your parents and honestly tell them that HE MEANS MORE TO YOU THAN ANYBODY OR ANYTHING ELSE?I find it curious that you didn't mention how strong HIS FEELINGS are for you? And even if he has brought up the idea of making a commitment?Maybe that's something to think about?Best wishes and warm thoughts...Pianoguy..

Comment #1

As far as long term compatibility, you may decide that he is not right for you if he is not interested in the hobbies and pursuits in which you are interested. I don't think you are being snobbish as more concerned that the physical attraction and emotional compatibility wont be enough to sustain your relationship.On the one hand it is hard to find a decent person these days. On the other hand one shouldn't overlook areas which may pose problems down the road. Your world has expanded and grown from knowing him and vice versa - but is it enough?Has he ever indicated that he would have liked to have been exposed to music, art and travel? Is this something that he could embrace with you? Or is he just into the gym?..

Comment #2

Unfortunately, "nice" is rarely enough for anyone. What do you guys have in common to talk about? This story reminds me of a guy I briefly dated. I was taking an intensive studio acting class at the time, as well as filming an independent movie, and my life was completely wrapped up in acting. I loved it and it was my thing. I dated this country boy who just didn't get it. He would joke about my movie, asking if it was going to be "straight to video," having no idea he was completely dismissing something I was putting heart and soul into.

He said, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Just got out of acting class." He goes, "You learnin' how to act?" As much as that statement doesn't sound like a big deal, looking back, that was the moment I knew he would just never get it. This guy may never get you, either. His interests sound like they are light years away from yours. The fact that you're asking this on a message board suggests that you have serious reservations...

Comment #3

I can completely understand where you are coming from...I was/am in a similar situation.There was this "list" I used to have of all of the things I wanted in a guy. Then, after a bizarre set of circumstances and also heartache, I ended up "hanging out" with a friend, her husband and her single brother-in-law. We ended up going out and I have to say...I am completely absolutely 100% head-over-heels for this guy wanting to say things to him like, "you complete me". I know I'm complete without him, but you know what I mean.We are extremely different...education level, type of job, politically, etc. The interesting thing is though...for us at least, there are things that are "mine" that I enjoy and vice versa. We will never be one of those couples who will do "everything" together.

Would that work for you? Are you primarily concerned about what people think? Are you surprised that you are interested in someone who is so not your type? What we have is this "fit" that I've never experienced with anyone else. What do we have in common? Values, beliefs about things that are important to us, goals and we have an absolute blast together. My suggestion is to make a list for yourself of "deal-breakers". Somewhere I heard that any more than 5 and that's too many, but I don't know. Then reevaluate and if he doesn't fit any of those, why not see where it goes?I must say, for me, I can't believe I almost never met him and almost never gave him the chance because I think I could have met the love of my life.

Good luck and please keep us posted..

~Kelly~.

 Marrying my best friend and soul mate on June 20. 2008!..

Comment #4


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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