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Match.com vs eHarmony Pros and Cons please! Thanks everybody!?

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My first question is: Match.com vs eHarmony Pros and Cons please! Thanks everybody!?.

My next question is: Guys share the traits which make some women undateable:.

Http://love.ivillage.com/snd/0,,askmen_dgt00nrl,00.html.

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Comments (21)

Your question was: Match.com vs eHarmony Pros and Cons please! Thanks everybody!?.

Read the article - I agree with some things and not with others:.

She's always in a relationship (thru Match.com) - it could be indicative of a problem...or not.  I dont have any physical "type" - the men who I have either dated, married or slept with dont all look alike  -  I dont like to limit myself about a person's physical appearance because you could miss out on a great person.  But some of their personality traits and interests are very similar..

She's a micromanager - the issue about being on a timetable may seem like desperacy to men...but I have another suggestion.  Maybe it is more about her and her dreams and making sure that those dreams become a reality..while the men are simply there to facilitate those dreams...a selfish person moreso than desperate.  Her selfishness may lead her to do desperate things, but the main issue is that she wants what she wants..and he is just a figurehead in her life..

Cats and dogs - this isnt a problem if you date using Match.com another animal lover.  My cat Jesse is my furbabygirl who has stuck around long after all the men have gone..

She's a pushover - I'll agree here..

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Comment #1

The thing about this list is that it's a guy's list, so while there may be things that some of us don't agree with, some of them will still be turn offs to some guys. I supppose most women can think of traits that make some guys undateable that the guys wouldn't understand either..

>>She's always in a relationship (thru Match.com) <<.

I can understand the part about always being in a relationship, as in NEVER single for even a little bit. I don't think the part about not having a type is as big of a deal as the 'incapable of being alone' part. I know women who CAN'T and WON'T be alone; this makes them go after anybody who will take them, and then they can't figure out why they can't stop meetinng jerks. It's even worse when single mothers do it, because having a revolving door of men around your children is not good. The thing is, some alone time after a relationship (thru Match.com) is a good thing. Besides, if a person can't enjoy her own company, no one else will enjoy it for too long either.



>>She's a micromanager <<.

The thing about micromanaging is that not only do micromanagers plan every detail of their own lives, they try to plan every detail of other people's lives too. Putting yourself on a timetable is fine; putting the guy you just met, or one you've only been with for a few months on a timetable is a recipe for disaster..

>>Cats and dogs <<.

I think the argument about the cats and dogs is crap. Even some women who are married or in LTRs will admit to having furbabies, not just pets. I guess if a woman loves pets, she should stay clear of guys who don't and won't understand the bond..

>>She's a pushover <<.

I also agree with the pushover argument..

ETA: I also think calling/texting/e-mailing too often is another turn off, for men and women. If he says he will call, wait until he calls - don't give him the impression that your world has stopped until he calls again. Have your own life and friends and live your life in a way that he is a welcome and appreciated addition, not a necessity..

Edited 8/30/2008 6:22 am ET by cl-bajanbeautykei.

CL - Women of Color  ..

Comment #2

I was recently dating (online dating with Match.com) someone for the past two months. During this time he told me he wanted me to meet several of his family members, go to Hawaii with him for the winter, buy me a dress, and be his girlfriend. Oh, and not to mention that he wanted a baby and to get married. Well a week after the girlfriend discussion I never heard from him again. That was a week ago today.

It's funny because if a woman said these things to a man she was with for 2 months he would be running for the door.  We are both in our mid thirties and had a great time together...I thought so I let him say all these things to me without thinking too much about it. I thought it was cute, but now since he just dropped off and I haven't heard from him I think he was totally playing me.

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Comment #3

<<haven't heard from him I think he was totally playing me. >>.

Actually I think he played himself! It seems that regardless of who initiates the 'let's get married' stuff too soon in a dating (online dating with Match.com) situation, the man will usually run off! And good riddance!.

Toni..

Comment #4

>>She's always in a relationship (thru Match.com) <<.

I didn't take this as meaning that 'type' had to do with looks - type really has to do with qualities and character. My observation from posts on this and other boards is that desperate women are indiscriminant in 'type' - mostly because they don't know what they really want - all they know is that someone has shown interest in them therefore, he's her 'type'.

If you have no clue what you want or need, then you tend to bounce around always needing and always wanting. No man likes feeling like he's been put into some fanasy role a woman has created in her mind. In order for her to truly like and appreciate him for who he is, she realy needs to know and appreciate who SHE is..

Toni..

Comment #5

>>I didn't take this as meaning that 'type' had to do with looks - type really has to do with qualities and character.<<.

I agree. But for someone who is desperate type might very well be about looks. Somehow, I find that men tend to date using Match.com lookalikes more than women, though..

Knowing what you want is good, but having a set-in-stone 'type' can put a woman at a disadvantage too. I think it's best to know what you want, but accept that he might come with other qualities you never thought you'd be attracted to...

Comment #6

"If you have no clue what you want or need, then you tend to bounce around always needing and always wanting.".

I can see that happening to men and women.  It's those people who constantly fall in love - every 2 to 3 weeks they date using Match.com someone new and they are AGAIN in love - "this is the guy/gal" - and the only reason they are in love is because that other person demonstrated interest first...

Comment #7

I have been surfing the dating (online dating with Match.com) boards for about 3 weeks now.  I am not wanting to date using Match.com at this time, but I guess I just visit these boards to see whats going on, ok call me nosey. lol..

Anyway, the thing I see in a lot of posts from women is desperation, it sticks out like a sore thumb, especially in the younger women.  I too fell into that trap many times over the years and since I am older it is very noticeable to me.  For example they text, text, text, text and text some more.  Then wonder why he quits responding.  They justify it by saying Oh I just said good night, how are you doing, etc.  Its still desperation, IMHO..

I certainly dont agree with the pet blurb, I have a furbaby and I am her mommy..

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My next door neighbor.

Wants to ban all guns.

THEIR HOUSE IS UNARMED.

Out of respect for their opinion I will not protect.

Them with my guns..

Comment #8

I see it too..

>>For example they text, text, text, text and text some more.  Then wonder why he quits responding.  They justify it by saying Oh I just said good night, how are you doing, etc.  Its still desperation, IMHO.<<.

Or have sex pretty quickly into the 'relationship' (is 3 dates even considered a relationship??), justify it by saying "We're both adults, we were having fun," etc. and then wonder why he doesn't call/why it didn't work out. If you have sex with someone without any discussion of being exclusive or a commitment, that is just one of the things one has to expect. It's different if the two people are exclusive and one turns out to be a jerk..

CL - Women of Color  ..

Comment #9

I totally agree Kei.  I see it time and time again on these love boards.  When I have posted about the sex being to soon, they get all huffy and angry.  What they really want is validation and when they dont get it they get miffed but are sweet and grateful to the ones that validate their post..

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My next door neighbor.

Wants to ban all guns.

THEIR HOUSE IS UNARMED.

Out of respect for their opinion I will not protect.

Them with my guns..

Comment #10

The pet thing annoys me to no end. When I started to read the article I knew it was going to be brought up because it seems to be in a lot of singles articles. Maybe it's because I happen to be single right now and I have cats and yes I dote on them, talk to them and take care of them as my children. Ok Ok I know they are not my children but why does loving animals make me undateable. Thats who I am. I personally would not want to date using Match.com anyone who had a problem with this.

Come on. Look at that woman. She is anything but desperate. I'd be willing to bet that her biggest relationship (thru Match.com) problem right now is that Brad Pitt messed her head up cause he is a cheating pig. To me an animal lover is a good quality in a person...

Comment #11

I remember a poster (not here) asking if she should buy lingerie to wear when she is with the guy she's hanging out with. Most posters went "Yes! Go for it!" I remember it was only myself and another poster who thought lingerie was something for people in long term relationships and married couples, and that maybe the poster should see if things progressed with this guy first. I just had a bad feeling that eventually I'd see a "How could he do this to me" post. I'm a woman in my 20s but I guess I'm old-fashioned. I'm not a prude in any way and I think two adults can do whatever they choose. I just would never want to have sex with someone with whom I wasn't in a committed relationship.

On top of that, there are so many STDs around!.

My advice to women is to NOT have sex with a guy so soon. Don't have sex with him just because you think you've been out on a few dates and that's what you're supposed to do. Don't have sex with him if you know you're falling for him but you aren't sure how he's feeling. If he's worth it, he'll stick around...

Comment #12

My hats off to you and your "old fashioned ways".  You sound like a very intelligent and level headed woman.  I am looking forward to getting to know you better..

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My next door neighbor.

Wants to ban all guns.

THEIR HOUSE IS UNARMED.

Out of respect for their opinion I will not protect.

Them with my guns..

Comment #13

<<When I have posted about the sex being to soon, they get all huffy and angry.  What they really want is validation and when they dont get it they get miffed but are sweet and grateful to the ones that validate their post>>.

Yes - I see this too - frankly, if you are asking if it was too soon or if you are 'worried' that you won't hear from him again - IT'S TOO SOON!!  And, I dare say, had sex hoping it would get a relationship!.

Wisdom is the beauty of growing older, eh?.

Toni..

Comment #14

Thanks.

My 'old fashioned ways' haven't stopped me from making really stupid mistakes, though. I'm 28 now, and in the last few years I've had to do a lot of growing up. My SO also feels like he made some errors in judgment, such as having a child at such a young age (23), and with someone with whom there was no future..

We are both trying to do the right thing now. You know, better late than never. We are almost always together, but we don't live together. We want to get married, but we're working towards getting our home built first. He is so scared of the thought of being a single parent again, we want to be married and settled before we have a child together. Of course, we all know that marriage doesn't mean forever a lot of the time but I guess we will just have to work that much harder, KWIM? I'm still learning a lot, especially from ivillage and boards like this one.

Sometimes he frustrates me to the point that I wonder if we're both speaking in English!.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to getting to know you, and other members of the board, as well. I know I will learn a lot here...

Comment #15

Completely agreed. I have to say that in the two longest and most successful (one 3 years, one now going on 4) relationships I've had, we didn't sleep together until around 6 months in. And the sex was way better."frankly, if you are asking if it was too soon or if you are 'worried' that you won't hear from him again - IT'S TOO SOON!!"It takes a long time and a lot of disappointment for some women to learn this... I think that a lot of women are convinced that sex will bring two people closer together and help their relationship (thru Match.com) become more solid when they couldn't be further from the truth...

Comment #16

Wisdom is the beauty of growing older, eh?  yep sure is. lol.

I post replies hoping to get through to some of these younger gals, but most of the time I think I should just save my breath, errr fingers, lol..

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My next door neighbor.

Wants to ban all guns.

THEIR HOUSE IS UNARMED.

Out of respect for their opinion I will not protect.

Them with my guns..

Comment #17

Talk about some major mistakes, I have made several through out my life, and a huge major one just recently.  Just goes to show that even when you get older you dont always get wiser..

You and your SO sound like you have both learned from your mistakes.  The best advise I can give you both, is dont beat yourselves up over them.  Its the past, it cant be changed, learn and go on.  I had & still do to a certain extent have a tendency to do this to myself.  I am working on that..

Even men my age are still a mystery! :=), I just quit trying to figure them out..

Best of luck to you and your SO.

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My next door neighbor.

Wants to ban all guns.

THEIR HOUSE IS UNARMED.

Out of respect for their opinion I will not protect.

Them with my guns..

Comment #18

Hey, some of us younger gals actually do heed your advice - everything I've seen you post is great, by the way I know I'm grateful for it...

Comment #19

Thank you for that compliment, thats very nice of you to take the time to post it..

  I have this uncanny ability to detect "love" problems in everyone else but my self(sigh).  I try to offer true advise, it may not be what they want to hear, but I might just give them food for thought.  At my age I have probably been there done that or seen it done..

Glad I can help..

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My next door neighbor.

Wants to ban all guns.

THEIR HOUSE IS UNARMED.

Out of respect for their opinion I will not protect.

Them with my guns..

Comment #20

It is. But the truth is, everybody will be 'undateable' to somebody - it just means that somebody is not the right person..

Comment #21


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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