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Match.com users: When you wink at someone and they're not interested, would you rather they let you

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My first question is: Match.com users: When you wink at someone and they're not interested, would you rather they let you .

My next question is: Not a regular here...but I do turn to these message boards when I have a question I don't feel comfortable asking anyone else...so thank you for your help!.

I am recently divorced and have met someone online...We have talked a lot, and have gone out once so far.  I really enjoy talking with him and think he could be good for me in a lot of ways...The problem is that there are some physical traits I am not enjoying...he is on the short side (as am I....I really prefer tall men)...he is barely taller than I at 5'3''.  The other is his teeth...although not a smoker anymore...he has very stained teeth.  As far as attractiveness otherwise, I would say he is average.....

I know I sound pathetic.  I just have not really dated much as I was with my former husband for 16 years.  I like this man a lot, but am afraid to find out that these things really do matter more than they should.  I don't want to get either of us too involved if I am going to let these get in the way..

Right now I am planning on spending some more time with him to see how things go...He is very excited about this possible relationship, so I think my concern has a lot do do with my fear of having to hurt him. .

I am feeling a bit pathetic and shallow...so please be kind!.

BTW...very important...I did kiss him...probably what made me decide to see him again....He is an amazing kisser..

Comments (4)

Your question was: Match.com users: When you wink at someone and they're not interested, would you rather they let you .

Well, you obviously found him attractive enough to kiss him.  If I'm not attracted to someone, I will kind of let my litmus test be whether or not I can see myself kissing him.  If it's a no, then it's a dealbreaker and I won't continue to see him.  You've gotten past that step so figure out your own litmus test and dealbreakers.  You obviously don't find him UNattractive.  Are you worried about what others will think?  I think that as long as you are not repulsed by him and you are finding yourself attracted to his personality and other traits that you should give this a shot because you seem to have enough to go for now.  But only you can determine if you think somewhere down the line these things are going to bother you or if because he's got enough other good traits if you can overlook them and be in a relationship..

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Comment #1

Hi there,.

I think it's just the whole notion of getting back into the dating (online dating with Match.com) game that is putting you on edge. It's probably making you seek out all of the negatives rather than the positives about this guy. In a way that's a good thing; you are not struck with that love lightning bolt that makes some people oblivious. If and when you do start to love him it will be despite his physical flaws; his personal flaws will show themselves in time and I hope you can deal with those too.

You don't sound shallow to me at all. People say that looks don't matter but I don't see how anyone can have a successful relationship (thru Match.com) with someone he/she is not attracted to. That being said, we're not always attracted to people at first and then it happens..

I like your idea of getting to know him a little better and taking your time. And it's great that he's a good kisser.

- Kei.

CL - Women of Color  ..

Comment #2

As long as you level with him - you don't know where or if this is going anywhere - he can make his own decisions. I I think there's also a concern you'll get hurt as well, which is understandable.  But right now you're enjoying yourself - he's an amazing kisser - so just enjoy. Be in the moment. The future will take care of itself..

,..

Comment #3

Just wanted to thank you all for your help...went on the second date, and the few things I was worried about were no big deal...had a great time and can't wait for date using Match.com #3! ..

Comment #4


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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