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Match.com Users: If you wink at a guy and he winks back, could there be a possibility that he's inte

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My first question is: Match.com Users: If you wink at a guy and he winks back, could there be a possibility that he's inte.

My next question is: Discussion title:  .

On the Rebound??emoticon:  .

 message #:  .

X.1from:  .

Olivia_888date:  .

1:51 pm.

Hello,.

 .

Thanks for reading this.  .

Do I ask him if this is just a rebound thing???.

I work with this guy that I've always taken a liking to b/c he is so much fun. We sit together at work and get on great.  A guy friend of his (who likes me) had made a comment to him asking why aren't the two of us together and his response was "do you want to call my girlfriend?" lol.  Granted I was sitting there. .

I know all about his ex b/c he'd tell me about everything he had planned for her...which of course made me want to date using Match.com him lol.  About a week ago she ended their 6 month relationship saying she wasn't feeling anything for him.  When I asked him how was his vacation he said terrible, he'd tell me later so we both went looking for each other at break time.  I knew it was over. .

We went out that night to see his friends band play and had a nice time hanging out for the first time.  There was no funny business and it was really natural and comfortable.  About week later-last night-we went out again-his treat this time.  It sure felt like a date using Match.com and he did tell me that he likes me and that he looks foward to Thursdays when we see each other at work.  I don't think that he is insincere..

I am concerned with being the rebound lady but I don't know if I should share this concern with him.  My friend suggested next time we hang out if he becomes affectionate to tell him that I enjoy the time we spend together but that I just don't want to just be the rebound person.  The thing is I don't want to pressure him, but he has been presuing me.  Should I do that or should I just wait and see? .

I ducked his kiss and gave his my cheek already so I think this talk would need to be soon! .

Thanks!.

Edited 3/5/2008 3:12 pm ET by olivia_888..

Comments (9)

Your question was: Match.com Users: If you wink at a guy and he winks back, could there be a possibility that he's inte.

Hello!  My other screen name is Laurenosaurus, but I'm using this one because I like it better. .

First off, thanks for the advice on my postvery helpful. Secondly, in response to your post "On the Rebound?", I would definitely have to say be careful.  It seems that he does in fact like you very much and is interested in becoming more than just friends, but he also might be speeding up the process by pursuing you as hard as he has been because he is looking for something to heal his wounds from his previous breakup.  I know this is hard to hear, but I have been in the same situation, and let me tell you, after I let myself believe that I was not a rebound and he just had always wanted me....he went back to his girlfriend 3 months later.  You should also most definitely talk to him about your concerns.  It is so much better to be direct than to act breezy and then inevitably get hurt. .

Hope this helps!.

 ..

Comment #1

Hi Olivia888,.

Welcome to the board!!.

I think you should trust your judgement.  Sounds like you have a pretty good handle on all of this.  He was only dating  this girl for 6 months.  To some of us that is a long time and for some it's not at all.  Talk to him when the opportunity is right.  I also think it's okay to go as slow as you want..

Good Luck,.

 .

 .

           ..

Comment #2

<< Do I ask him if this is just a rebound thing??? >>.

That's one of those types of questions that really doesn't have a good answer.  If he says 'yes' then ... well, your hopes are dashed ... but, at least he was honest!  But, in all likelihood ... that isn' t the answer you'd get.  If he says 'no' ... that most likely just means, I don't know..

Because, frankly, if his break up is only a couple weeks ago ... he probably doesn't really know if it would be a rebound or not.   So, if he says 'no' ... he will most likely only end up looking insincere.  So, if you do ask, the best answer you could hope for, honestly, is "I don't know.".

Which, full circle, doens't leave you with any answers, right?  Right..

So, I say no ... don't ask.  Just look at his actions and base your decision on that.

You've only been out once on what seemed like a 'date' ... and it seems that he is pursuing you ... so, if this happens again, take your friend's suggestion but leave out the part about asking if you're a rebound.   Instead, say something like "I'd like for us to date, but ... I just want to make sure that you're ready to date" ... leave the word 'rebound' out of it ... it's just 'ick' and cliche ... gauge his response to your asking him about being ready to date using Match.com ...

That you'd just rather be sure that he's ready to move on..

All things considered, 6 months is not that invested of a relationship (thru Match.com) ... in other words, there's not that much to 'rebound' from ... so, I wouldn't sweat it.     ..

Comment #3

The other posters gave good advice.  I like starbuck's suggestion of "I'd like for us to date, but ... I just want to make sure that you're ready to date" ...because that does address the fact that he just broke up with someone and it also voices your concern that he needs to deal with the grief (if that applies) or the aftermath of a breakup...

Comment #4

Hi,.

Thanks for your response I think it's the best advice. .

Do you think I should see if he wants to get together again in a week or should I leave it all to him?  On one hand my friends say leave it to him so you know he's genuine, but he did say he liked me and I don't think he's mean enough to lie just to have a rebound...so it might seem like i'm not interested or playing games with him if I don't try to hang out with him..

Thanks.

 ..

Comment #5

<< Do you think I should see if he wants to get together again in a week or should I leave it all to him?   >>.

No, I'd agree with your friends.   Leave it to him.  Otherwise, it could like you're 'pushing' to date using Match.com him ... even if that isn't your intention.   Remember, patience IS a virtue.   It isn't like he doesn't know where to find you ... you see him at work, right?!.

<< so it might seem like i'm not interested or playing games with him if I don't try to hang out with him. >>.

Just be yourself.   Again, you see him at work ... you hang out there ... he has ample oppt'y to ask you out ... if he broaches the subject of dating (online dating with Match.com) you, then ... try what I suggested before ... he might be trying to gauge your interest still.  ..

Comment #6

I think it's normal for you to be concerned about being the "rebound girl", but you say that it feels natural and comfortable when you're with him. Rebound, from my experience, may be natural, but it doesn't stay comfortable for very long. Like the others have said, I think you definitely need to acknowledge that he just got out of a relationship. Don't act like you still think he belongs to the ex, but it is a fact that she hasn't been an ex for very long. That being said, (and granted things still feel comfortable when you're with him) I don't think you should spend too much time obsessing about this. If you're anxious about whether he really likes you, then he's going to pick up on that, which could ruin what could become a good thing.

B..

Comment #7

We're always glad to have you - whichever name you choose!! :0).

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Comment #8

She just ended things a week ago and dented his ego to boot. I would definitely talk to him - tell him that while you like him alot you don't want to be the rebound girl so for now it's best to take things slow and be friends.

,..

Comment #9


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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