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My first question is: Match.com Singles dating online Internet ask help which why choices Scams Or No Scams????.

My next question is: My bf and I were planning to go away for a romantic weekend in belize this weekend together, last weekend his friends wife passed away (his friend lives 1000 miles from us).  On Monday, I asked my bf several times if he wanted to go to nyc and cancel the trip-he said no as I told him that come Thursday, I can no longer get my vacation time back from my boss to take Friday, Monday, and Tuesday. .

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Well he called me an hour ago and said that he has a change of heart and wants to fly to Belize with me tomorrow, leave me there on Saturday morning at 8am to fly to California and then he would return to belize Monday afternoon before we fly back Tuesday morning..

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I told him that I was hurt as this was suppose to be a romantic trip for the two of us and not for me to sit by a pool by myself all weekend, furthering I can not get my vacation time back and asked him several times on Monday.  I told him that I was more upset about the time issue..

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He then got really ticked off at me and called me a selfish person and to give him a call when I feel like acting like a grown up.  What would you do?  Am I wrong to be upset?  I mean I asked him so many times on mon/tues if he wanted to cancel and he said no...

Comments (6)

Your question was: Match.com Singles dating online Internet ask help which why choices Scams Or No Scams????.

You gave him every opportunity to think things through before you finalized plans.  He's behaving like a child...

Comment #1

Hi Sunnyside2007,.

Welcome to the board!.

Wow - this is a hard one.  I can totally understand your dissapointment!! and I know that you must feel bad for his friends loss. .

I think he didn't want to disappoint you, but he knew he really needed to be there for his friend.  And maybe he is disappointed in missing out on the romantic trip too?  Sounds like he's torn..

Is there any chance you could reschedule the belize trip for another time? and then both of you go to be wtih his friend?  This way he is doing right by his friend and you both will still get your romantic trip and your vaca won't be wasted..

Just a thought..

Good Luck and best wishes to your SO's friend,.

Kristie.

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Comment #2

Thank you everyone for your advice-I really appreciate it..

I decided not to go on the trip.  We both travel a lot for our jobs as is and the objective of the trip was to spend time together as it was our one year anniversary.  We had a good calm conversation on Thursday night about it.  I told him that I do appreciate that you want to be a good bf and bff to everyone, but our whole objective of this weekend was to spend it together and I didn't care where that wasI don't have any desire to go to a place and sit by a pool all weekend.  He said that he now understood better.  He then said that he thought it was best that he go to the funeral alone this weekend..

Please help me here.  We moved in together in september and he has been stressing the "team"-doing things together-decorating the house, chores, understanding work constraints, and prioritizing being there for each other.  The next four weekends he has three guy trips and one work trip scheduled, of which, one of the fridays is my birthday.  He asked me a week ago (his annual guy trip with his abroad buddies falls on my bday) and asked if I minded that we celebrated it another dayI was hesitant and said that we don't need to celebrate my bday and it is fine that you go on your guy trip..

Overall, I am bummed that he did not want me to go with him today, especially as it is our anniversary.  Do I have a right to feel this way?  What are your thoughts?.

Thank you everyone for your help!..

Comment #3

The thing with message boards is that it's hard to give advice without projecting your own feelings onto a situation, so since I am not there, just take what I am saying for what it's worth..

 Yes, ofcourse you have a right to feel sad about it. It's good you were able to talk to him about it. Do you find it hard to tell him how you feel often? Personally, I am a very independent person, but when I am in a reltaionship and living with someone, I have found that it really bothers me when my SO would have plans for weekends in a row that didn't include me. My dear, you have fallen into the 'We're living together now, so we get to see eachother all the time and don't have to see eachother every weekend' trap that some fall into. The fact that he is missing your birthday so he can travel and do things with everyone but you would piss me off.

Case in point: I lived with a man I was head over heels in love with, thought I would marry, etc. Living together ruined it. Not to say it wouldn't have self-destructed anyway, but I felt neglected...a lot. I guess it depends on what you need from a relationship. Anyhow, he was an artist and had a huge group of friends that were constantly wanting to hang out, go to concerts, go to parties, etc. I liked them a lot, but got ticked off when all his free time was either spent creating art or wanting to go out with his friends.

Well, he physically "saw" me, but he was always painting or on the internet, or, you get the picture.

I tried to make myself more understanding, more independent, but the more effort I put into this, the more upset I got. It got to a point where one night I was fighting with him about ignoring me and painting/drawing all the time (we got off work at 8 PM, and he'd immediately grab a glass of wine and run to his easel), anyhow, I thred his brushes at him...and he kept right on painting. I knew that this would always come before me, his friends would always come before me. The last straw was when he was invited to a burlesque show out of town with his friends (some of our female friends were in it and we were friends with all of them). Anyhow, I didn't want to go, I wanted to see him, as most evenings we didn't get time together. He went anyway.

I broke up with him and proceeded to move out shortly after..

So, the question is this: Do you want to be in a relationship (thru Match.com) where you have to censor yourself all the time so that you don't make waves, or do you want to be in a relationship (thru Match.com) of mutual respect? I would (calmly) tell him how you feel. I would also make some weekend plans to reconnect with girlfriends or yourself. Start taking a little space from him, and let him wonder why YOU aren't rearranging your plans for him. In the meantime, take some weekend friends with the girls. It could be he's feeling the normal feeling of living with someone and needed to re-establish his independence, that's fine, however, being inconsiderate (about your birthday) is NOT. The funeral/trip to Belize thing, I would drop that, though.

Make sure he's making the anniversary up to you, and GOOD LUCK!.

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Gal Blondie..

Comment #4

Something doesnt sound right here.  Be careful with this guy...

Comment #5

Hi Sunnyside,.

I'm really glad that you were able to talk this one out..

It is hard adjusting to living with someone.  Has he ever done this before?  If he has lived on his own for a long time, it can be really hard to share and changing this just doesn't change overnight..

I know things sound a little suspicious - him not wanting you to go with him this weekend - the boy trips - one boy trip on your b-day.  check the papers around where he is going for an obit.  I know we are not supposed to snoop, but if you are having doubts - this will take them away or show what you are worriing about..

It is okay to be disappointed.  Be sure to tell him that this b-day is okay to spend apart, but not all of them.  This is your special day and you deserve to spend time with the most important people in your life!!.

Good Luck,.

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Comment #6


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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