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My first question is: Match.com?? Sign up date?.

My next question is: Hi.

Need help asap pls! I broke up with my BF 4 months ago after a 4 years relation. when he wanted to broke up with me he started giving me stupid reasons for exmple that we fight a lot and that he changed .  now we started seeing each other again, we talked about our relation he told me  that he missed so much things we used to do together so i asked him if we can get back together coz I love him to death I really do, he said that he will think about it but he doesnt know how long it will take him to think, he said he is scared from not being free anymore and hanging out with his friends anymore. I dont know what to do I love him so much sometimes I see that he love me and wanna be with me sometimes I see the opposite thing. what should I do I cant imagine myself with another one beside himpls help..

Comments (8)

Your question was: Match.com?? Sign up date?.

Hi Nany,.

Welcome to the board!!.

I think you've done what you can.  You've told him how you feel and what you'd like from him.  You can't make up his mind for him.  Be patient since this is what you really want, but also be reasonable.  Don't allow him to take advantage of you.  Ask him if there is anything that the two of you should talk over.  Like if he still wants time with his friends - maybe set up an agreement that works for both of you so that he has time with his buddies.  You shouldn't mind - this way you have some time for yourself and time with your friends..

Hope this helps!!.

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Comment #1

The ball is in his court.  He will decide if he wants to reconcile, but in the meantime dont wait for him to make up his mind.  Get out there and do your thing.  If he has changed maybe his preferences have changed too.  He may miss the things you did together, but does he miss YOU?  If his priority is freedom from a commitment then I dont know why you even had that discussion because it would be clear that he does not want to be in a relationship.  As far as hanging out with his friends, there is nothing wrong with that as long as they arent picking up women together, hehe, and he still makes you a priority..

Story:  when my second ex husband and I started dating (online dating with Match.com) we saw each other about twice a week and at that time in my life that schedule suited me just fine.  At one point he wanted to start seeing me three times per week and I had to do some shuffling in terms of scheduling other things I had going on in my life at that time, but I wanted to make that work. .

Then...he turns around and starts complaining about how he doesnt see his friends as much anymore.  Meanwhile he had his Friday nights with them PLUS he played hockey on Sundays PLUS he played softball on Tuesdays.  I went to his softball games. But this one particular friend who he wanted to see wasnt always available on Friday nights.   As far as I was concernedhe had nothing to b*tch about when it came to seeing his friends.  .

I reminded him that it was HIS idea to see each other 3 times per week.  So, he cancelled our date using Match.com and made plans to see his friend.  At the last minute he calls me and said that his friend cancelled and he wanted to come over.  Well...my feathers didnt  *just* ruffle...they turned inside out when I heard him say that.  I said "absolutely NOT".  First, he makes a big deal about wanting to see me more (because I was soooo "special"), and then he turns that around so that I have to hear him b*tch about his friends...forget it.  I said, "you wanted to go back to twice a week...you live with that now.  I'll be damned if I let you do that to me.  I'm not here for your convenience."  A coworker who heard this story told me "you rule Linda"..

Let's just say that doing my laundry that night was more interesting to me than seeing him.  He did feel kind of bad that I picked laundry over him, but he deserved it.  He needed that smack.  And I wasnt worried about pissing him off either - if wanted to break up with me over that..so be it...he did it to himself..

What I have learned is that you need to be open and let the guy know that you enjoy being with him and want to spend time with him, but you also need to sit back and see what his drive is for you...allow yourself to see if he really wants to spend time with you. It's one thing to mention that you want to spend time with him, but if you push too hard then you wont be able to determine whether or not he is spending time with you because he is feeling pressure or because he really cares for you.  How can you determine whether or not you want to continue dating (online dating with Match.com) him or enter into a more serious type of commitment if you dont give him that space to express who he is and demonstrate how he feels for you?  My second ex husband may have commented that I was controlling...but not like that...he had mommy issues so any woman is controlling to him.  I just dont permit myself to BE controlled or to be manipulated or taken advantage of.  If that is deemed controlling - fine...

Comment #2

Thank you guys for the advice but the thing that is scaring me is after a long wait he ll come and tell me that he doesnt want to reconcile and he wants to be free, this will hurt so much, thats why  I asked him to give me a specific time but he said that he doesnt know how long it will take him to think and the other thing is I know that he is seeing another one from time to time and he had sex with her couple of times and when I asked him he said that he is not serious about her and that he will never think to be with one like her.  I love this man so much he was everything to me, I didnt have nobody beside him no friends or anybody beside him and now I feel so lonely and it's so depressing, I want him back so bad and I dont know what to do. I'm confused and he makes me more confused, he told me that he still love me and when I'm with him he cant stop touching me, kissing me and hugging me but then I think if he really love me why he cant be with me? what kind of love is that? sometimes I think that he want me and at the same time he wants to have fun with other girls. please help! any advice?..

Comment #3

What you should do is begin to think about putting a life together on your own.  this does include making friends, developing other interests and hobbies and doing the things you wanted to do..

If he is sleeping with other women then that is probably the reason for the breakup and if you sit around waiting for him to decide to be with you .  you will do yourself a huge disservice because he'll value you even less. Dont start a life with the hope of luring him back, but if he ever did want to reconcile and he sees that you can get along just fine without him, he'll respect you more...

Comment #4

Before the break up he never cheated on me and I'm sure of that and that wasnt the reason for the break up , he started doing that couple of months after the break up,, I feel that he was influenced a lot by his buddies and he listens to whatever they are saying and I think thats was one of the reasons he broke up with me...

Comment #5

If he is listening to his buddies and that results in breaking up with you then you should definitely not be sorry he's gone.  If that is what he did then he has no mind of his own, no backbone and would abandon you down the road anyway.  You need a guy with a backbone, pride in his GF and a mind of his own.  Now go out and find one! hehe..

Comment #6

Im desperately in love with this man, it's been 5 month that he broke up with me but I cant forget him or even stop loving him, I'm so depressed and I dont know what to do, I'm crying day and night I dont eat and I dont sleep and this things is effecting my health and my studies, please help what should I do I just cant forget him..

I tried to do so many things and keep myself busy but I cant cant stop thinking of him, his picture is stuck in my mind I see him wherever I go and on whatever I do. any good advice please! what should I do?..

Comment #7

Yowza!  You have it bad honey.  That sucks..

It has been 5 months...it is time to let this man go because holding on to him isnt bringing him back to you..

You need to go into emergency detox status at once...is there anyone you can talk to like a counselor?  If you can get all of your emotions out into the open maybe it will help clear the way for some peace to come to you..

In the meantime you HAVE to convince yourself that his time with you is over.  That's it.  No more.  It is over.  Now you have to believe that he is gone for your life to become better.  He's a man who did not value you...he is not worth pining for...but that logic isnt going to make sense right now to you.  You just feel the void and the hurt and the pain.  You are allowing this man to have too much power over your emotions.  Dont give him this power over you.  Again this is all cerebral ... and it is your heart that is hurting..

If you just focus on each day and getting through it...the pain does subside..

 ..

Comment #8


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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