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My question is: Match.com ratings?.

My 2nd question is: I've been dating (online dating with Match.com) a guy for three weeks so far. I can't really complain because he has contacted me every day, calls me, invites me over etc..

He's really great and I'm already telling my friends that I'm in love.

Since everything seems to be going so well, I'd really like to start addressing him as baby or sweetheart and talking to each other as if we are falling in love. (which I sure am!).

Even though we are having sex, and he always tells me he had fun, or he was glad I came over, the conversation seems a little luke warm to me.

I know he wants to take things slow and cautious,  but I'm beginning to feel like we are just friends. I feel like it would be so much more exciting if we talked about how much we like each other etc. this type of talk seems to be missing. .

I am letting his actions speak louder than his (lack of) words since I can't really complain, like I said, judging by his actions he seems interested. But it sure would be more exciting for me if there was some verbal affection..

Am I being to impatient? Sometimes I really wonder how he feels. I'm afraid to tell him how I feel in case he thinks I'm moving too fast. I'm crazy about him!.

Please help!.

 ..

Comments (7)

Thanks for taking the time out to reply to my message. You are right on..

Since this is typical of me, trying to get into instant relationship (thru Match.com) mode, as opposed to letting the relationship (thru Match.com) develop, I'm trying to think of ways that would make it easier for me to allow the relationship (thru Match.com) to develop at a more natural speed. Do you think I should stop having sex with him, since this is a common thing that women confuse with love?.

I don't think he is fully over his ex yet. He had an honest conversation with her today - the first he said in two years since they separated. When she asked him if he was seeing anyone, he told her that he had been on a couple of dates. This stung, because It seemed to me like he wasn't altogether truthful. We have been on more than a couple of dates. I felt like he was protecting her feelings..

When we went to lunch today, we were at a restaurant that his ex frequents. After we finished eating, it seemed like he abruptly asked if I was ready to leave because I started to hold his hand on the table. I felt that he might have been worried that his ex would have walked in and seen us..

When he will probably (unless I've blown it already) ask what I'm doing after work tomorrow, I was planning on being "less available". Where I would have met up with him, I'm thinking of being busy with something else. Do you think I'm being silly? Should I just go meet him?.

Like I said, I'm trying to think of ways of putting the brakes on my racing emotions...

Comment #1

I don't think taking a step backwards from having sex will help much, but it is possible that sex has caused you to develop something an early emotional attachment. If you plan on being less available, make sure you do it: a) when you have other things you really WANT to do, and b) so you don't create so much distance that he wonders if you're backing off from him. It's normal to have other plans, other people, other things that you pursue in life, so go about this in a normal way. If he asks you what you're doing later, tell him about your plans but ask if you can reschedule for a specific time or day. Remember that really enjoying doing other things and seeing friends will help you become happy in your life, and less focused on one person to provide happiness for you...

Comment #2

I don't think he is fully over his ex yet. He had an honest conversation with her today - the first he said in two years since they separated. When she asked him if he was seeing anyone, he told her that he had been on a couple of dates. This stung, because It seemed to me like he wasn't altogether truthful. We have been on more than a couple of dates. I felt like he was protecting her feelings..

When we went to lunch today, we were at a restaurant that his ex frequents. After we finished eating, it seemed like he abruptly asked if I was ready to leave because I started to hold his hand on the table. I felt that he might have been worried that his ex would have walked in and seen us.> these 2 incidents speaks volumes, he is definitely sending you signals that he is not ready for a relationship (thru Match.com) at all.  In fact it seems he is not really ready even to be dating.   You are going to end up hurt here, so IMO you need to stop seeing him altogether.  You may find that you are not all that much falling in love with  him..

He does not want to do the romantic things outside of sex because that involves feelings and he does not want that.  In his own way he is telling you not to be come involved with him..

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My next door neighbor.

Wants to ban all guns.

THEIR HOUSE IS UNARMED.

Out of respect for their opinion I will not protect.

Them with my guns..

Comment #3

Ew, why would you want to be with someone who's clearly not over their ex?  You deserve someone who is sure about you and gives you their full attention...

Comment #4

I imagine yankee's assessment is absolutely correct. He's either not ready to be dating (online dating with Match.com) or just not interested in your kind of intimacy at this point...

Comment #5

I think you are pushing for too much too soon..

It was your choice to have sex early...but you must realize when women do this, they often start to expert more than the relationship (thru Match.com) can handle. Often, these expectations make the relationship (thru Match.com) implode because the emotional intimacy did not catch up with the physical..

As for sweet talk and professions of love...if you do this too soon you will make him very very uncomfortable and he could dump you for that. Men are practical creatures...they are not comfortable with women who fall in love so quickly because most of them feel that it takes time to really love someone. .

You two are having sex and spending time together....that is what it is right now.  This is not the time for declarations of love...it is more for getting to know each other in an enjoyable manner..

I would back off on the pressure and perhaps stop having sex until you know more.  The sex could be clouding your senses on what is really happening.  From what you write there is more to know about him...is he over his ex?  Is he willing to commit to someone and maybe you?  etc etc..

Soliel..

Comment #6

It's only 3 weeks, it's very premature to be in love but having sex so soon clouds things. Don't tell him your feelings, he's contacting you every day and you're making love - how is that platonic friendship?.

Try to maintain a life - see your friends, have other interests, it's really early days and you're living too much in your head right now. Just try to be in the moment, enjoy what there is and try not to project about what you hope things will become.

,..

Comment #7


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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