or eHarmony - which is better?

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My question is: or eHarmony - which is better?.

My 2nd question is: Hello to all. This is the first time I posted on this board. I spent some time last year posting in the Breaking Up is Hard to Do board and have posted the same questions there to hopefully answer some questions! My background: I was dating (online dating with a man for 3 years when he broke it off suddenly 18 months ago. It was a devastating break-up (but how many are?) and it was difficult to get over. 2 months after the break-up, I began a 6 months rebound fling which, when I realized how unhealthy it was, I ended. I am currently single save for the story below...please help!I am down in a new town, meeting new people.

Ted is cute and sweet and kind and smart. He was also really into me, really fast. By the time I met him, I wasn't totally over my ex and knew I wasn't ready for a full-blown serious relationship (thru that he wanted. We tried dating (online dating with but it seemed awkward and after every time we hung out, he tried to get me to jump into a relationship (thru with him. Around Thanksgiving I told him that I really was not ready and I could only give him friendship.

The last time he asked me out was Memorial Day weekend. I was leaving for a 2-week break and told him I would talk to him after that. Well, life/work got busy and was not able to see him for 1 and 1/2 weeks after that when I find out he's dating (online dating with another girl.So here I am, I am finally at a point when I want a new relationship (thru but the guy who I see myself with is now seeing someone new. I probably did a horrible thing but I did tell him that I was ready to date using and move forward. He looked at me quizzically and then said he did not know what to tell me..

Comments (4)

Here's my answer to your question: or eHarmony - which is better?.

First look at things from another perspective. I admire you for being upfront and telling him that you weren't ready for a relationship. Although you say "he respected my feelings" that's not really true. He may have said so at the time, but he kept pressing you for something you were not ready for, that's not respect.And now, look at it from his perspective for a minute. He really wanted to date using you, you kept telling him you weren't ready, then (in his mind) as soon as he starts moving on and dating (online dating with someone else, you actually want him in the same way he wanted you. I can imagine he may be thinking that you only want what you can't have.

The timing never worked out for you and he to become a couple, that usually happens for a reason. You don't want to be the person who waits around while the object of her affections sees another relationship (thru through with someone else. It isn't fair to either of you (okay, all three of you). I don't think it's possible for you to be friends at this point. There are feelings on either side and it wouldn't be the kind of friendship that is truly a friendship; it would just be an awkward inability to let go of one another.

This is the end of the road for that possibility, and I want you to understand THAT'S OKAY - Better opportunities only arise when you are able to let go of the ones that don't work. Rarely is the rebound guy the one you're going to spend the rest of your life with. I think you have better things in store...

Comment #1

Thanks for replying undercover. I appreciate your insights into everything. I agree that he may have mixed thoughts about how I told him that I am interested in him but isn't there something about realizing what you want when it is (temporarily) gone? I feel as if what happened kicked me in butt to start dealing with the relationship (thru stuff in my life, including how I feel about Ted.I agree that I shouldn't wait but it may end up playing out that I don't have another opportunity to date using for a while. I am 29 and living in a college town- don't want to date using an undergrad fraternity member and it has been difficult meeting a guy my age. I have decided not to contact him or bother him in any way until he figures out what is going on (which yes, I realize that what is going on is more than likely going to be him continuing to date using NG. I have to admit I do have just a little bit of hope that things might change.

We know the same group of people and will be invited to some going-away parties. I don't want to not go because the friends who are leaving have been great and why should I be the one to not show up? So how do you suggest I handle that situation? I can't just blow him off if he says hi but do I just be pleasant and move on or would getting in a conversation be acceptable? And if even that situation seems do I go about with another 8-10 months in this town, being on my own and super-lonely??..

Comment #2

It sounds like the old game of...I dont want you till you want some one else. And sometimes we really dont realize it till that point. you told him the ball is in his court. But dont count on it. You need to move on and truy leave him alone. If it was meant to be he will call...

Comment #3

I agree. Move on. What will be will be.


Comment #4

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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