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Match.com looks like I'm on there but I'm not!?

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My first question is: Match.com looks like I'm on there but I'm not!?.

My next question is: Hello,.

I'm not new to this site at all. In fact I was always on the relationship (thru Match.com) saver discussion board discussing me and children father. But finally I met someone new and he's a keeper. I met this wonderful guy about one month ago and it seem like a dream come true. He's everything I ever asked for in a man, I mean everything. The compassion, love, patience, sense of humor, he'a romantic, understanding,he's a hard working man and most important HE LOVES MY KIDS, all four of them.

We are the same age, he's two days older than me. We are very alike in many ways. We see each about 5-6 days out of a week. So similar, it scares me.

During the first week he told me that he loved me. I was shocked because he has fallen for me so quickly. I find myself loving him now that we spend so much time together. But he wants to get married and have a baby. Isn't he moving too fast? I would like to get married but at least lets wait 7 months  to a year. He told me that when he first saw me it was love at first sight but I don't know if that could be true.



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Is there anyone that have experienced this or know of someone who has? Maybe I'm just afraid because we haven't gotten to know each other well yet.

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Thank you in advance for your advice...

Comments (7)

Your question was: Match.com looks like I'm on there but I'm not!?.

You should be concerned...someone that moves that fast has some serious problems.  It sounds desperate and needy...when they come on that fast it usually fizzles out just as fast.  I would run as fast as possible away from him..

Your main concern should be your children, you don't know him well enough to let him have all this contact with your children.  They don't deserve for their mother to get caught up in a fly by night romance, have another child right off the bat and be miserable within 1 year..

Please think of your children FIRST...

Comment #1

Yes, this is far too fast.  If it were me, he wouldn't have even met my kids after only having gone out for a month, but that's water under the bridge.  But I would be seriously alarmed by someone who told me he loved me after a week and wanted to get married after a month.  Yes, these kinds of "love at first sight" things CAN work out, but more often than not, the 0-9 million miles per hour in 5 seconds relationships burn out just as fast.  AND the first 6-8 months of a relationship (thru Match.com) are usually the "honeymoon" stage anyway and you don't get to know the REAL person until after that is over..

You are wise to wait.  IMO, what you are both experiencing at one month is infatuation.  Love takes time to develop over time once you see each other over a long period of time, both good and bad.  You are also wise to be afraid that you haven't gotten to know each other yet.  So stick to your guns here.  Tell him that you want to wait before getting engaged.  You have come off a bad relationship (thru Match.com) with your ex it sounds like and jumping into something new so fast could be recipe for disaster.  So take your time and see where you are in 6 months or so and then maybe you can start talking about marriage..

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Comment #2

Hi - I SO wanted to get married after like 1 month with my b/f.  I have been with him now for 2 years...he was and is all those things..patient, lovng, the man of my dreams..

I was your B/F....I was scared I was going to lose this guy...and I wanted to "hook" it..

I'm so glad I didn't.  I still love him, love him more and we might get married someday.  But, I'm so glad I waited.  I had come out of a 20 year relationship. .

It has definetly been worth waiting...I have learned so much about myself and him....there have been times I want to break up and times I want to marry him again.  You have so much to learn about each other..

Follow your gut....your gut is telling you....to wait..

Wait....! If he loves you...he won't keep pressuring you...and he WILL see in a year or so...that this was TOO soon..

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Missy..

Comment #3

There are many stories from people who have been in your shoes and some got married and it worked out and some of those relationships didnt work out..

You definitely dont want to marry someone who only wants to marry you just because he's afraid of losing you...like what misssy said in a post below.  If that is the only reason to marry, then that's the wrong reason to marry someone. You want to marry because you really dig the person and see a future and can see how you can build a life together..

I communicate with someone who tells me that he loves me and wants to marry but I dont know as much about him as he does about me.  I dont know the person inside yet to return the sentiment and I want to deal with him in an honest manner.  I know my reaction is normal and healthy.  I know he's a bit annoyed about that but he needs to see things from my perspective..walk in my shoes for a bit..and understand that I'm not being unreasonable at all.  I can tell that if I spent a good amount  time with him I'd fall for him but I havent experienced that yet to make things more settled inside of me  - I need that physical contact.  He keeps telling me to trust him and that he has wanted me for many years ...which I find hard to understand..hehe. And that he just "KNOWS" that I'm the right person for him and that he is the right person for me and that I'd have the life I have always wanted with him. It sounds very inviting.  I can tell that he's going to keep pushing me instead of doing what I want him to do...make things more official in his contact with me. .

But, tirene2. waiting 7 months to a year isnt a bad thing to do.  Is he just talking about a ring and you guys will get around to shopping or does he want to go like right now?  Also, how old is he?..

Comment #4

Don't rush into anything. It's only been a month - you barely know each other. It's just a four alarm honeymoon phase. If he wants to give this a shot he won't be in such a rush.  Take your time. Get to know each other beyond the chemistry.  Why is he in such a rush? Is he very afraid to be alone? Slow and steady wins the race..

,..

Comment #5

In response to the last message I received (ragingangel08). He wants to just go shopping for a ring. We talked again about the whole marriage thing and he agrees with me that we should just wait. I have four children I just can't drag them into this. He's the same age as me (33). he's two days older. We have sooo much in common and we are so alike in many ways.

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To everyone that responded to my message, I thank you very much. Your advice really helped..

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Comment #6

Yikes!.

Think of it this way ... if this boyfriend, whom you've been dating (online dating with Match.com) for a MONTH, is already professing his love ... saying he wants to get married and have babies ... how sincere could he possibly be?.

I mean, he's known you for a MONTH!   He doesn't KNOW you enough to know these things ... therefore, how could it possibly be sincere.

I would run FAST from this.   This is very concerning.  IMO, 7 months to a year is too fast.   It tooks a good year or so before you REALLY ... and I mean REALLY start knowing the person you're in a relationship (thru Match.com) with..

Lastly, what in the world are you doing introducing your children to a man after such a short period of time?!   ..

Comment #7


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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