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Match.com: is everyone secretly on it?

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My first question is: Match.com: is everyone secretly on it?.

My next question is: Hi all, Have any of you experienced this before?  I recently got into a relationship (thru Match.com) with a "nice guy" whom I'm also very attracted to who treats me like gold.  After having gone for the "bad boy" all my life, I'm thrilled that I gave a nice guy a chance, and now I'll never go back..

I have two girlfriends who seem to be not soo happy for me though. .

One is perpetually single because she insists on dating (online dating with Match.com) men who don't put the effort in, only call her when they have nothing else going on and don't make solid plans with her, or live 1,000 miles away.  I've listened to her issues and given advice, but to no avail.  She acts jealous that I don't devote all my time to her anymore like I used to because I am in a new relationship..

The second girlfriend has a boyfriend that she has been seeing for close to a year, but that she is unhappy with due to his selfishness and emotional unavailability.  I also have been there for her as a shoulder to cry on and given her advice when she asks for it, but also to no avail.  She continues to put up with his bull.  She constantly compares her boyfriend to mine, and when my boyfriend does something nice for me she complains that her's does not do the same for her..

Finally I find a great guy after years of dating (online dating with Match.com) losers and my "friends" seem to be more jealous than happy for me.  Are we still in highschool here???  For the record, we are all in our 30s!..

Comments (5)

Your question was: Match.com: is everyone secretly on it?.

Hon, age has nothing to do with maturity.

When people are jealous it just says that they can't look at what in themselves is keeping them in their state of lack. Being happy for someone getting exactly what you want is a sign of not only maturity, but also being in a place to also receive that good thing.

They are in such states of lack that they draw of the same to them - like attracts like.  They are comfortable in their misery and even though they hate their circumstances, the change that they need to make within is far more uncomfortable.

YOu may find that as your relationship (thru Match.com) progresses, these 'friendships' become less and less tolerable. Oil and water don't mix - as unhappy people usually can't tolerate to be around happy people and vice versa.

Until these friends grow and mature, your friendship will become strained and limited. Be prepared that they may end - not because you want them to or you've done anything wrong - negative people just simply can't coexist with positive, happy people.

At this point continue to love them where they are and offer them hope by focusing on HAVING a wonderful BF too - stop listening to the negative complaints - that only poisons both of you with negative energy. You may want to give them a copy of the Secret - when they are truly ready to change, they will. In the meantime, protect your own positive vibe by limiting their negative influence..

Toni..

Comment #1

I have been there in fact I am there and I am in my 20s but I think this happens at any age.One of my closest girlfriends moved away at the same time I started dating (online dating with Match.com) my boyfriend. So she blames him for the fact that we don't see each other that often instead of considering the fact that she is now an hour away instead of ten minutes like before. Her and I spent a lot of time together when we lived close by at least once or twice during the week and the same over the weekend. Actually at one point there was three of us but three years ago our other friend started dating (online dating with Match.com) an a$%hole and pulled her away from us and then she married the controlling SOB. So we see very little of her now and she takes very little interest in our lives. Anyways back to the original friend....She doesn't have a car so that means I have to drive all the way to her place instead of meeting half way which is not as easy to do on a work night as it was when she lived here.

She isn't interested in doing anything to get herself out there. I just am starting to have a hard time feeling sorry for her because she isn't putting in an effort. I told her how do you expect them to come knocking if you don't get out there and show them where to knock. I can't talk to her if he and I have had an argument because her solution is dump him. Well I don't want to dump him because of trivial things I want a good approach so we can work on things.

So I just stop talking about him when I am with her and she doesn't ask about him when I don't mention anything. The only time she actually allowed me to talk about him or asked about him was when she was dating (online dating with Match.com) someone for about four weeks a few months ago. But when that died off we were back to the way it was before.So I feel your pain... it's frustrating I know that for sure. I only hope that you have other friends who are supportive of you and your new relationship.

She lets me talk to her about issues with my boyfriend to see if I am being out line or if it's him... she is great. So I hope you have someone like that in your life...

Comment #2

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I have read The Secret and other books about the Laws of Attraction, including several by Abraham-Hicks.  I fully agree with your statement.  Like attracts like.  It almost feels as if I'm on a different wavelength now and we don't quite resonate with each other anymore.  Thank you for your post.  Its definitely confirms a lot to me...

Comment #3

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It sounds like her friendship with you was selfish and mostly self-serving.   When she didn't get your attention like she was used to, she complained.  It almost seems as if she was acting like a jealous boyfriend more than a real friend. None of this had to do with you, but rather her insecurities about herself.  Thank you for your post.  FYI...Her solution is to dump him because she wants you to be single again like her...

Comment #4

I think what you have experienced is something that we all can relate to whether it be love, job, or possessions.  When the dynamics shift in friendships that is when transition can occur.  You have been there for your friends regardless of their love lives but now you are seen differently - as someone who has what they want and now you are not "good old angelgirl2008" anymore and that is a disappointment.  You'll find out who is a friend or not a friend now and that is a good thing...

Comment #5


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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