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Match.com have NOT been on but bf thinks I have!?

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My first question is: Match.com have NOT been on but bf thinks I have!?.

My next question is: Hello.  I have a slight dilemma nothing major just curious what is going on.  I have a coworker who started working with me about 3 months ago.  We hit it off right from the beginning and began talking about anything and everything, perhaps things you shouldn't tell someone who is practically a stranger.  About 2 months ago my heart was severely broken by someone I had been pining over for many years.  This man was my boyfriend at one point and then we broke up but remained extremely good friends and even discussed getting back together a few times, however, he informed me 2 months ago that he was in love with someone else.  I was devastated to say the least.  Well this coworker of mine was so very supportive during my brief heartbreak, but then the friendship seemed to change.  He started to show extreme signs of liking me as more than just a friend/coworker.  He looks at me constantly and if I catch him he keeps looking and just smiles.  He hangs around and chats for a long time, he seems to follow me around at times, he always asks who I am talking to on the phone, he always asks if I have been dating (online dating with Match.com) and wants to hear about all of my dates, he makes comments that often makes me wonder what is he really thinking, he gets upset if I flirt with others at work and often will find something wrong with everyone I flirt with as well as any female I suggest he should date, and has even told one gentleman to stop flirting with me.  Other coworkers have noticed all of this and are often making comments.  One of his very good friends is also a coworker and he is constantly asking me questions as well.  I have been told by many that my crush has asked many questions about me from other coworkers.  I should probably tell you that he is 10 years younger than I am.  I am turning 39 and he just turned 29.  My confusion comes from when I invite him places to hang out he declines, if I text him or call him outside of work he will not text back or call back.  What is going on?  If he likes me why won't he follow my lead?  At a company picnic he spent almost the entire day with me and my children, we joke and play and so on.  I feel like I am in grade school.  This crush I have is something I haven't felt since my school days.  I must say he at the very least makes work seem so much more fun, but I really want so much more and from all other views he does as well yet he won't ask me out or go if I ask.  I have told him I like him but that I understand if he didn't feel the same.  Do I scare him for some reason.  What is going on?  Can someone help me make some sense of all of this?  While I like the playing I feel I am too old to be feeling this way. ..

Comments (8)

Your question was: Match.com have NOT been on but bf thinks I have!?.

HI gponali,.

Welcome to the board!!.

This is a tough situation.  One thought that crossed my mind was that he's almost like a stalker (at least at work).  If you are truely tired of all of this, just come right out and ask.  He he doesn't respond, I'd move on and keep your eyes open for someone special..

Good Luck,.

 .

           ..

Comment #1

>>My confusion comes from when I invite him places to hang out he declines, if I text him or call him outside of work he will not text back or call back. What is going on?<<To me it sounds like he wants to flirt with you at work but away from that he is not interested, or he has a girlfriend, could be any number of reasons. He doesn't text or call you outside of work, please wake up, he is hiding something and it is probably a gf.Most of the time when a guy is actually interested he will call, make dates with you, want to get to know you (outside of work) this guy is turning down your offers , but flirts and acts possessive as work something is not right with this picture.Getting involved with someone you work with is not always the best thing to do, it can cause all kinds of problems... as you are seeing now telling another coworker to stop flirting with you, wanting to know who you talk to, asking other co workers questions about you etc. That is very scary IMO very stalkerish even if you were dating (online dating with Match.com) it would still should raise major red flags. He's not your daddy, your husband, or boyfriend right now he is a coworker nothing more.

Put a stop to his "flirting" at work be professional only with him and find someone that doesn't have these issues...

Comment #2

I know he doesn't have a girlfriend.  He is extremely insecure due to a very bad breakup about 3 years ago.  He once told one of my friends that he has nothing to offer me that is why he hasn't asked me out, though I have told him many of times that if someone really cares for you it shouldn't matter.  I have not come right out and asked him if he likes me or anything but I have hinted very very much to him that I adore him and I do not care what his status in life is.  <SIGH>  I don't know.  Maybe someday something will happen.  Thanks guys for the input and I am more than happy to get more if anyone has any.    Thanks...

Comment #3

I have nothing to add except to say I could have written this post as well.  I'm in the same boat except I haven't asked him out and don't plan on it..

 ..

Comment #4

>>He is extremely insecure due to a very bad breakup about 3 years ago.  He once told one of my friends that he has nothing to offer me that is why he hasn't asked me out, <<.

The breakup didn't cause him to be insecure he was that way before I would bet. being insecure and his actions (controlling) could be the reason for the breakup, I bet it had something to do with it......the reason he wants to know who you talk to, tell people to stop flirting with you,etc, is because he is insecure and that is controlling tactic.  Usually when someone says they have nothing to offer you, they are telling you how they feel about themselves and as long as he feels that way, he is correct, he has nothing to offer you..

  Everyone has went through a breakup, that is life...but holding onto the pain is only hurting himself.  If he has those kinds of issues you really shouldn't want him in your life.  Like attracts like, find someone that is not "broken" because you can't fix him and shouldn't put your life on hold with the "hopes" that he will be fixed...

Comment #5

First, you are not too old for a crush!  I'm about to have my several times repeated 39th birthday (i.e., there are those of us who see 39 as the perfect age), and I can get butterflies it's part of dating (online dating with Match.com) and fun..

Also, I don't know, I don't think there is any stalking go on here.  I would tend think that stalking involves weird behavior outside of the office.  I had a colleague who was being stalked somewhat, the guy would call her over 20 times a day and he would leave messages like "I know that you're trying to avoid me." and he would buzz to be let into her condo at 2:00am.  That's stalking.  Spending an excessive amount of time chatting with you at work doesn't sound like stalking, not so much, but I do wonder if he's getting his job done. .

Otherwise, 29 or 39 or 59, I think that if men are interested they will call, or at least call you back.  So while he is flirty and such at work, it does not sound like he wants anything more than an office friendship.  Plus, possibly because of your heart-break, you're reading more into his friendship than he intends or he is responding more to your interest.  It's hard to say without watching the two of you.  But it does sound like this is an office friendship only. .

 .

 ..

Comment #6

I agree.  I really do.  It is difficult to explain it all.  Another coworker who has been his friend for over 7 years has told me that this guy has a huge thing for me but is scared.  <SIGH>  I think I will just take it day by day.  It is an awful close friendship to keep at work I must say.  I know way more about this guy than I probably should.  It is kind of fun having this crush and it sure does make the work days go faster. ..

Comment #7

Yes, honest communication is always best. Good luck.

,..

Comment #8


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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