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Match,com doesnt show a black man and a white woman together as dating in their ads? Why is that?

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My first question is: Match,com doesnt show a black man and a white woman together as dating in their ads? Why is that?.

My next question is:  .

This might be a little longI apologize in advance!.

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I used to date using Match.com this guy about 6 yrs ago for close to a year and it kind of just faded out.  I was living in LA at the time and he lives in Chicagohe had been in contact with me throughout the 6 yrs, randomlybut I hardly ever responded because I was in relationships etc..btwpart of this time..approx 4 yrs, he was in a relationship (thru Match.com) as well...

Recently, about 2 months agohe contacted me againout of the blue and I just so happen to be single-and he has been single for about 2 yrs now-so I decided to engage and we started talking again.  He told me that the reason why he stopped calling  the first time around was because he wanted to ask me to move to chicago, but he thought that I wouldnt have done it and was afarid of what I might sayso he just decided to take himself out of the situation.  I was flooredfor 6 yrs, through my relationships and alli just chaulked it up to the fact that he wasnt into me anymoreso, of course this kicked up old dirt for me..

When we began talking againour converstaions were longwe have alot in common and had a lot to catch up onhe was sending me cute/sexy text messages etcI was into it. After a few weeks, he invited me to chicago to go and see himi was a bit aprehensive, but decided to take the risk and see what happens, since this was the first time since we dated that we were both single at the same time...

I went to chicago about two weeks agoI stayed with him and he introduced me to his friends and even introduced me to women he dated etc.  He was very affectionate and didnt seem to be hiding anything from mei felt very comfortable with him. We had small discussions about what we were feeling about all this and we spoke about trying to see where this can lead.  I live in NY now and before I left, we were making plans for him to come and visit..

My issue is that I think we may have had 2 actual converstaions since I left ChicagoI am 36 and not about to start playing gamesso I tried to keep in contact with himcalled him, text him and I would randomly get an answer back.  We spoke last week because I made the effort to contact him and surprisingly he picked up the phoneI didnt ask if he was coming to NY, just tried to keep it lightbut he offered up the dates that he would be able to visit to see if they worked with my schedule..great..but now I havent heard from him sinceno replys to my texts/calls..nothing!! not a word..Im so frustrated...Im trying to just sit with the fact that maybe I scared him off in some waycame on too strongwhatever..but I think I deserve some sort of explainationhow can I let him get away with doing this to me again??.

What should be my next stepdo I just try and forget this ever happened?.

Need some help with this...

The unfortunate thing is that I still really like himdont think I ever really got over him from the first time..boo!..

Comments (12)

Your question was: Match,com doesnt show a black man and a white woman together as dating in their ads? Why is that?.

It sounds like he was considering the idea of getting involved with you again but has decided not to for whatever reasonbut doesn't have the decency to let you know that.  Of course he has a history of just disappearing rather than talking to you, so it can't be a total shock but I'm sure it's painful nonetheless..

He knows how to contact you if he wanted to.  I think your best bet is to chalk this up to experience and move on..

Sheri.

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Comment #1

So..when things faded out last time it was because he just disappeared on you?.

He should have been very appreciative that you even permitted him to come back into your life instead of disappearing on you..

Question:  why did he introduce you to women he dated?  I find that odd..

I know women who have flown to visit a guy and have a great time but after returning home...he drops out of sight.  The reason that these men do this is because they are losers...

Comment #2

Yes..he disappeared on me 6yrs ago with no excuse..it wasnt until we started speaking again that he told me why he did it...

I agree that he should have been appreciative instead of treating me this way..and I told him that when we first started speaking again..he agreed..and look where this has gotten me...

I have a hard time thinking that I can just let this go and let it fade awayI feel I deserve an explainationmaybe not right nowbut in a few weeks from nowI cant just let him do this to me again.

Is it worth chasing him down for an explaination??.

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Comment #3

Since this is the way the guy copes (disappearing) - I think you have your answer - he's an ass. Whatever explanation he will give you will probably be lies soit negates the notion of you standing up for yourself by trying to get an answer from him.  Yes, you do deserve an explanation - no doubt about it. But is it worth it to try to extract one from him?  He's not worth it...

Comment #4

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The only reason I see for getting an expalinationmo matter what it is..is that it's going to bring closure to this for me.

Im becoming angry with the fact that I allowed this to happen againI thought after 7 yrs he would have grown up or learned his lessonI have been racking my brain trying to figure out what caused all thiswhat I did wrong?  I cant come up with anything that is so bad to warrant this type of behavior..I mean hes cutting off all tieshe doesnt even seem to want a friendship..its crazy to me..

What really sux is that I have feelings for him that go back a long timeand they have been brought to the surface..and for what??!!.

I took a risk going to chicago..Im well aware of thatI just didnt expect it to go this way again.

Im so disappointed and Im blaming myselfwhich I should not be doingmaybe I turned him off by being so available for himbut I like him, so why shouldnt I beIsnt that what constitutes a mature relationship?.

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Comment #5

First off, I sympathize with what you are going through. I am going through something slightly similar and am trying to decide what I am going to do myself. What sucks is that you opened yourself up to these feelings with this guy, and now you have to deal with the pain those feelings can bring..

I agree you deserve an explanation as what is going on. If you think that he will be honest with you as to what is going on, then I'd say go for it and try to talk to him. The way I look at both your situation and mine is if the guy REALLY cares about you, then you will hear from him eventually and MAYBE you will give him the time of day...

Comment #6

Oh no...reignited feelings?  Those are complicated to manage.  YOU did nothing wrong. He is not emotionally available and behaves in an immature fashion.  You are colliding with a walking disaster..that's all..

A mature relationship (thru Match.com) does not involve treating each other like crap and that is what he did to you so .. if you are a glutton for punishment and cant see that he is unable to be in a mature relationship..then go for it.  You cant pull the weight for him and wish  him to be normal and available and mature. He probably does this with other women too...

Comment #7

I know...Im in trouble..I have been really good about not contacting himbut I have begun to get weak..I plan on calling him later this week and I wrote out what I want to sayso pathetic...

I think I am a glutton for punishment.  Why cant I just let this go?  Its because I cant stop thinking about the man and I feel I need to tell him how I feelI dont know whats going to come out of itor if he will even  respond once I leave a messagebut I feel the need to try...

Am I digging myself into a deeper ditch??..

Comment #8

Perhaps he was overwhelmed by your level of contact once you two had reconnected?  I find that men prefer to be the pursuers and it can be scary for a man when a woman focuses too much attention on him too soon.  Even in a long distance situation, it is better to let the man initiate contact and make plans - it might seem dated or like 'game playing' but I truly believe that men want to 'work for it'.  When you make yourself too available and too into the relationship (thru Match.com) too soon, it can scare some men away.  That said, there are those that think that a man who is right for you will not be scared away..

What's done is done.  I don't know what you really think this man will tell you by way of explanation that will be satisfying and give you the closure you think he can give you.  Closure is actually something you give to yourself when you accept that for whatever reason, this is not the guy for you.  Would you really want to maintain a long distance relationship (thru Match.com) with a man who does not keep his word and do what he says he is going to do?.

A man who is sincerely interested in a relationship (thru Match.com) with you will leave you in no doubt about it - they'll keep in touch because they won't want you to  get away..

I would do nothing and I would definitely not get in touch with him - be classy, hold your head up high - silence, rather than demands for an explanation is a much better way to go and that will leave you feeling good about yourself rather than some demanding an explanation only to be disappointed by some lame excuse..

Best wishes,.

Coolas..

Comment #9

Yes, in some fashion you are about to dig a deeper ditch.  I know you have feelings for this guy but he does not reciprocate those feelings.  So...when you are normally faced with this type of situation what do you usually do?.

If he led you on to believe that he wanted something deeper than a fun weekend with you then he is a coward.  All he should have said is that he would like to have a fun weekend and that's it..

I know your compulsion is to contact him, but you need to refrain from doing so. It's kind of like a need...I understand what you are feeling.  However, you willmove on from here it just takes time. ..

Comment #10

"Even in a long distance situation, it is better to let the man initiate contact and make plans - it might seem dated or like 'game playing' but I truly believe that men want to 'work for it'.  When you make yourself too available and too into the relationship (thru Match.com) too soon, it can scare some men away.  That said, there are those that think that a man who is right for you will not be scared away.".

I tend to agree with you - if a guy doesnt initiate anything then he can take you or leave you.  I'm not sure if it is "working for it" but it's about the hunting thing...which I accept but I cant connect with mentally.  But, if a woman is dealing with a guy who is shy by nature, then a little encouragement does go a long way - if you like shy guys, that is...

Comment #11

I think the whole 'shy guy needs encouragement' thing is a load of hooey.  Even a shy guy will pursue if he is truly interested in a woman.  My brother is a perfect example - very shy, but I can tell you when he was into a woman, he pursued her quite relentlessly because he had to have her.  If a man is really *that* shy that they don't have the confidence to pursue, then I would assume it is more insecurity than shyness and I personally would not be at all interested in a man that was too insecure to pursue me..

Working for it, hunting, pursuing - it's all the same thing really..

Coolas..

Comment #12


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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