candidablog.com

Match.com does not display when I do a seach?

Want the Latest Match.com Coupons Every Month?


Enter your email address below and we'll send you the latest coupon codes every month. We'll even give a lucky person a free 3 month offer.


My first question is: Match.com does not display when I do a seach?.

My next question is: Hi everyone,I just recently started dating (online dating with Match.com) a guy. We have been on 5 dates and this is probably the most I have dated one guy since my last serious relationship (thru Match.com) which ended over a year ago.I try not to compare, but there are certain things that just come up during those dates that sort of turn me off. Like not putting the napkin on your lap while eating...or starting to eat before the girl starts to eat...basic manners...etc. I know these might be minor things, but somehow they annoy me. I like the way he kisses, I do feel a sense of chemistry otherwise I would not have been able to go beyond the first date. We do have good conversations and then I get confused sometimes because he ends the phone conversations abruptly...or it feels like he is always wants to make sure he ends the conversation first...I know I should give this more time...but I don't know how much more time.....

Comments (14)

Your question was: Match.com does not display when I do a seach?.

Those are extremely minor things. I was raised to use the proper forks and spoons for the correct courses, napkin etiquette, break the bread rather than cutting it... And I have never heard nor believed that a man needs to wait for a woman to start eating before he is allowed to touch his food. There is a rule of etiquette that you should not eat until everyone including the host/hostess is seated, but he does not have to wait for you to start eating because you are a woman.I think you are being prematurely dismissive. And I think YOU know you are being prematurely dismissive. Why don't you keep dating (online dating with Match.com) him until you are SURE you're not interested in him long-term?..

Comment #1

Thank you for your response - eggbertshootsfire. You are exactly right and told me like it is. I know I need to be more patient and give this some more time. I guess I just needed to hear it from someone else. Thanks again =)..

Comment #2

It's ok to take in his negative traits - in fact it's GOOD to put emphasis on them - just make sure they are really negative traits before you judge him too harshly. Good luck, I hope this one turns out well!PS: You can always teach a man to place a napkin on his lap... I had to..

Comment #3

Haha...yea I will have to figure out a polite way of letting him know what he needs to do!I think I will wait for a few more weeks, before I start telling him things =)..

Comment #4

I wonder if these little things that are bothering you are covering up for something larger that you have not yet realized.  I would proceed with caution..

 .

 .

Powered by CGISpy.com.

 .

My next door neighbor.

Wants to ban all guns.

THEIR HOUSE IS UNARMED.

Out of respect for their opinion I will not protect.

Them with my guns..

Comment #5

Hmmm now you have me thinking yankee-n-sc! What do you mean by something larger?..

Comment #6

For example, you really dont care for him as much as you want to think you do.  Those annoyances are so minor that I cant help but think there is another reason they bother you so much..

I hope I am making myself clear, I know what I want to say but it's not coming out right..

 .

Powered by CGISpy.com.

 .

My next door neighbor.

Wants to ban all guns.

THEIR HOUSE IS UNARMED.

Out of respect for their opinion I will not protect.

Them with my guns..

Comment #7

Sounds like you're scared of being vulnerable and looking for reasons to pull away before he does (i.e. it's rough for you that he ends the conversations first)..

 .

Whether or not this guy turns out to be the one it's great that you're out there giving it a chance. Hang in.

,..

Comment #8

I guess I understand what you are saying. Maybe I really want to like him and that's why I'm being picky!..

Comment #9

Yes, I'm probably being a bit cautious in some ways due to previous relationships.But thanks for giving me the vote of confidence. Though I'm a a bit proud of myself for giving this guy a chance and going with the flow a bit longer than before. I mean there has to be something here which is making me hang in there right? Whatever the case, time will tell and I really appreciate all the advice here on the message board. It really helps when people out there listen to you and relate.Thanks again!..

Comment #10

<< Haha...yea I will have to figure out a polite way of letting him know what he needs to do! >>.

Is this for real?  Or is this some sort of joke?  Seriously, I'm wondering. .

What he NEEDS to do?   IMO, your nit-picking on things this minor is proof-positive-evidence that you are simply looking for things to be wrong ... which means, you're simply not ready to be in a relationship.   That is, if things like not putting a napkin on his lap are 'annoying.'.

There are basic needs in life and in relationships.   Respect, trust, common courtesy are things that are NEEDED in a relationship.   If a man isn't showing those things then yes ... you can request them, give a certain amount of time for the changes to be made, and if not, you take your leave..

Accepting people for who they are is key in any relationship.  If you aren't accepting of something about someone, sure ... you can ask for that person to consider changing it ... but, by no means does that person NEED to.  We are all responsible for our own wants, needs.  .

Comments such as << I think I will wait for a few more weeks, before I start telling him things =) >> make it sound like you're on a mission to start changing things about him. .

I agree with Eggsbert on MOST things ... and I think you can teach people how to treat you ... and if they don't treat you like you want to be treated, then ... you take responsiblity for you and you move on from that relationship..

But, I do NOT agree with teaching, err training, someone like a dog.  I mean, really ... teach him how to put a napkin on his lap?  PLEASE!  He's not a child, and most importantly, he's not YOUR child.   You can ask him to ... but, honestly, is it hurting you any that he doesn't put a napkin in his lap?  Is it affecting your meal ... your life?   Really ...why not just let the man be who he is..

If you start doing things like that ... there's a high liklihood that he'll resent being 'told' what to do.  Your words, not mine ... you said << before I start telling him things. >> ... don't 'tell him' ... certainly, you can ask ... and if he doesn't want to, you can either respect that he is his OWN PERSON or you can move on. .

Your choice...

Comment #11

WOW! Thanks for your input starbuck70. I will have to agree with almost everything you have said. Let me clarify...the post where I said, "Haha...yea I will have to figure out a polite way of letting him know what he needs to do!" was said in jest. And when I said, "I think I will wait for a few more weeks, before I start telling him things =)" , I meant that I will tell him about my pet peeves and vice versa ( I expect me to tell his pet peeves as well). This is the initial stage of dating (online dating with Match.com) and this is where we get to know each others quirks. I have never been rude...Believe me, I'm the last person to try to change a guy, in fact one should never try to change anyone.

Because in the end the guy will end up resenting them.....

Comment #12

I'm not sure telling someone that they do/have some of your pet peeves is productive if you're planning to stay in a relationship (thru Match.com) with them, regardless of when it is you tell them..

Sheri..

Comment #13

<< And when I said, "I think I will wait for a few more weeks, before I start telling him things =)" , I meant that I will tell him about my pet peeves and vice versa ( I expect me to tell his pet peeves as well). This is the initial stage of dating (online dating with Match.com) and this is where we get to know each others quirks. I have never been rude... >>.

Thanks for the clarification.  But, I still don't think telling him about your pet peeves is called for ... particularly if it's under the guise of "I'm telling you about this particular pet peeve because it's something that you do and I'd rather you not do it" ... are you hoping that by telling him your 'table manners' pet peeves he'll realize "gosh, I do those things. She must be telling me this because she doesn't want me to do those things" ... and you don't think that would come across as just a wee bit passive-aggressive?.

Clear, honest communication is how a foundation is built.  Don't hint.  Don't suggest.   Don't 'share your pet peeves' hoping he'll pick up that your pet peeves are actually annoying things that he does.  Sorry, but no ... it doesn't work like that.

If this is important enough to you ... then, request that he use a napkin and not start his meal until you start yours.   Notice, a request ... it's all about asking.   Maybe he won't mind and woudl be happy to oblige and put a napkin on his lap like a good little gentlman (if he obliges, then he's wussy ... or completely desperate for a relationship.   I'm sorry, but no man with a spine and both testicals would actually oblige a woman making a request as trivial as "would you please use your dinner napkin?"... like he's 12 y/o boy who needs to learn his manners ... a guy with a spine and b*lls would say "are you serious?").

Sorry, but ... he's a grown man.  If he wanted to put a napkin in his lap for his meal, he would.  He wouldn't need you asking him to.    JMHO. .

Now, read that again and you'll notice how ridiculous of a request that is. .

That's why I asked "is this a joke?" ... it just seems so trivial.

Let it go.  Just the man be who he is.   Napkin, no napkin.  Who cares!   This is far from major grievance.   I think a person's pet peeves just come out as you get to know each other.  Naturally, not as a premeditated discussion.

Tread lightly here. Decide what's really important to you and communicate that with honesty...

Comment #14


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

Categories: Home | Aug 2010 - Acne | Aug 2010 - Weight Loss | July 2010 - Weight Loss |

July 2010 - Crohn's Disease | July 2010 - Celiac Disease | June 2010 - Weight Loss | June 2010 - Acne |

May 2010 - Weight Loss | May 2010 - Acne | April 2010 - Weight Loss | Mar 2010 - Weight Loss |

Mar 2010 - Dieting | Mar 2010 - Acne | Feb 2010 - Weight Loss | Feb 2010 - Dieting |

Jan 2010 - Dieting | Jan 2010 - Acne | Jan 2010 - Weight Loss | Dec 2009 - Acne |

Dec 2009 - Dieting | Dec 2009 - Weight Loss | Nov 2009 - Weight Loss | Nov 2009 - Dieting |

Oct 2009 - Dieting | Oct 2009 - Fitness | Oct 2009 - Weight Loss | Sep 2009 - Weight Loss |

Sep 2009 - Dieting | Aug 2009 - Dieting | Aug 2009 - Weight Loss | July 2009 - Weight Loss |

July 2009 - Dieting | Jun 2009 - Weight Loss | June 2009 - Dieting | May 2009 - Weight Loss |

May 2009 - Dieting | April 2009 - Weight Loss | April 2009 - Dieting | March 2009 - Weight Loss |

Feb 2009 - Weight Loss | Jan 2009 - Weight Loss | Dec 2008 - Weight Loss | Dec 2008 - Diet Programs |

Dec 2008 - Dieting | Dec 2008 - Diets | Nov 2008 - Dieting |

 

(C) Copyright 2010 All rights reserved.