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Match.com, do both people need to be subscribers to talk?

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My first question is: Match.com, do both people need to be subscribers to talk?.

My next question is: Here's the deal - I will be filing for divorce next week from my STBEX who left me almost a year ago very suddenly after I found out he had had an affair while I was away with my kids. I have two very young children and was absolutely shocked that he wanted a divorce. He has not ever indicated to me that he ever wanted to try to get back together after I found out about the affair. We would have had our 10-year anniversary this spring..

Anyway, 4 or 5 months after all of this happened, I started talking to a friend of a friend, we went out on a date, called back and forth, and ended up sleeping together after about a month of talking and seeing each other a few times. We also did some really fun things together, I have met many of his friends, his daughter, and have hung out at his house. It's been about 6 months since we first started dating (online dating with Match.com) and I almost feel like he's backpeddling a bit. In the beginning, he told my friends that he was really blown away by me, that he thought we could really last, etc. He would also say sweet things to me as well.  So..I have developed feelings for him and told him so about a month ago. At the time, he kind of freaked out and has since talked a lot about the fact that we have a complicated situation (which we do), he wants to keep it fresh, feels like the bigger the committment the more chance we will get sick of each other, he never really wanted to be a father and doesn't want more kids, basically he's not interested in a relationship (thru Match.com) with a capital R, blah, blah. Although we call each other every day to "check in", we rarely see each other more than every other week or so and though I've offerred to come and see him (he lives a couple of hours away from me), he turns me down because it's a worknight or because he has his daughter.



Though everyone is telling me (including him) to have fun, take it one day at a time, don't worry about him being "Mr. Right", just be happy with him being "Mr. Right Now", I feel this pressure to tell him I want more or I want out. I loved being married, having a family, and am devestated that my husband didn't want these things. I feel like I am in my early 30's and still have a chance to find someone who will love me and my children and want to be a family. I get the feeling this guy will never want these things with me or probably with anyone and don't want to waste my very important time. HOWEVER......I really like him, we have a connection, lots of chemistry, and I also have been too pushy to the point of messing things up in the past.

Help!    ..

Comments (5)

Your question was: Match.com, do both people need to be subscribers to talk?.

I hate to say this because I hate when people say it to me but it's best to move on...you stated that he's not wanting a relationship, don't push it, there are other men out there who are wanting a relationship (thru Match.com) with you and want to be a father figure to your children but it will take some time, just take the time being a single mother and doing what's best for you and the kids the right guy will come along. I'm sorry to hear about what your husband did, but I have a feeling you're a strong woman who can make it through this. I hope my adviced helped a little bit...

Comment #1

I'm not sure I understand where your friends are coming from who are saying to just have fun with him.  Why would you stay in a relationship (thru Match.com) with someone who doesn't want the same things you do?.

Sheri..

Comment #2

Hi girl.

So sorry you had to go through something like that with your husband. I just want to agree with Sheri, your a woman with two beautiful kids and I don't think you should waste your time on someone that doesn't feel the same way you do. There is MOST defo n guy out there that would love to be a father to you children and a WONDERFULL partner to you (which will most probably be an even better partner in bed too,cause he actually wants what you want). Move on hun, you might just miss Mr right if you stick with this guy..

Good luck.

Mel.

<a href="http://s230.photobucket.com/albums/ee268/MelPage1/?action=view&current=13-1.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i230.photobucket.com/albums/ee268/MelPage1/13-1.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>.

 ..

Comment #3

Your situation sounds somewhat like mine, with the exception that with my guy he was always honest with me, from the start, that we were friends with benefits.  We really were friends and the benefits were great but as soon as I started feeling emotionally attached, he disappeared for awhile.  Then he came back and he keeps coming back trying to re-establish the connection, but on the same terms, and only on those terms.  I am fall-back girl or until-the-right-one-comes-along girl or maybe, like your friends say, not Ms. Right but Ms. Right Now.  The problem with being in this position, when you're emotionally attached, is KNOWING that one day he's going to find who he's looking for and we'll be stuck standing there alone, left behind.  Being with a man that you care about more than he cares about you; who is only interested in once a week, friendship, ocassional sex, is not a good place to be.  It's a recipe for heart-ache.  And what makes it worse is that, notwithstanding the chemistry and the connection, you're the one that has to cut him off or he'll keep coming back.  It's time to move on, and find the man who wants you as much as you want him..

 ..

Comment #4

This guy has been honest with me as well, I don't even know why I am questioning whatever it is that we have other than that I really want a partner in life, not a Friend with Benefits, even if it's a part-time partner for now...

Comment #5


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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