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My first question is: Match.com - Did it work for you?.

My next question is: It has been nearly a year since I've dated someone steadily...and I miss the company of a man soooo much! OMG! So, I met a guy a few days ago...very nice guy. Intelligent, attractive (in a rough sort of way), gainfully employed, and very sexy. So, we had lunch today, and he touched the small of my back, and it was like a bolt of electricity surged through my body! LOL! He told me he wants to see me again, and I was thrilled. I'm used to taking things slowly with men, not getting intimate until an actual relationship (thru Match.com) is established, which is usually after several months. However, it has been so long since I've been touched...held by a man. I'm really not even talking about sex, just intimacy and closeness.



Any ideas on how I can pace myself? I have been out on dates over the past year, but I haven't felt this kind of attraction to any of the others. If this guy has the potential to be a sig other, I don't want to mess it up by moving too fast.

Any thoughts are appreciated..

  ..

Comments (8)

Your question was: Match.com - Did it work for you?.

Awww...you are soooo lucky.  Even just to feel the fluttering of the excitement of a new guy who you like is great..

" So, we had lunch today, and he touched the small of my back, and it was like a bolt of electricity surged through my body! " > ~~sigh~~.

I dont know how one paces oneself.  I have never thought to do that.  I just let things flow and it all seems to work out one way or the other.   I think that if you want to get excited at home alone and scream out **whatever** then do so...maybe that will help take the edge off of things when you are together..

You are not crazy to miss and want intimacy, closeness, romance, affection, etc.  I have been without that too for quite some time and I am looking forward to meeting someone I like that way again..

When you say move too fast are you talking emotionally, sexually or verbally (like asking about bf/gf status)?..

Comment #1

Thanks for sharing in my excitement! LOL!.

I guess what I mean by "moving too fast" is a little bit of all three things you mentioned. However, getting physical was the first thing that came to mind. For me, getting physical is becoming emotionally wrapped up in a man because I have a difficult time seperating the two...I become attached to a man once we start being intimate. Of course, if that man is my sig other, this isn't a problem. If he isn't, then it can be a sticky situation.

Know what I mean?..

Comment #2

I think you *should* pace yourself. You said you met this guy DAYS ago! Don't confuse a touch on a sensitive part of your body with some sort of chemistry that will make you want to do something crazy. I mean, if you are looking for just a fling - by all means, go ahead. But if you are looking for more, take your time and get to know this man..

After days do you know (1) if he has a girlfriend, (2) if he is married, (3) if he's a criminal and several other things you might want to know first?.

>>I'm used to taking things slowly with men, not getting intimate until an actual relationship (thru Match.com) is established, which is usually after several months.<<.

Same thing for me. And with all the STDs out there, you have at least one reason to WAIT, especially until after you know his status...

Comment #3

Hello. Thank you for your post.....you're absolutely right. I'm well aware that I don't know anything about the guy.

My question was more of a "how" do I pace myself, not whether or not I should. I am totally aware that there is no chemistry yet, as I barely know the guy. I also know that I'm not just looking for a fling...never that. So, there..

I was just looking for the thoughts, opinions of others who have perhaps been where I am, having a desire for closeness with a man when it's been a long time, and learning how to sort of ignore that desire and take your time..

Thanks again. ..

Comment #4

Pace yourself...you answered it for yourself.  But dont play the games of not being available when you are. And dont cancel your day for him if you already have plans. SLLLLOOOOOOWWWWW LOL..

Comment #5

Ifyou dont want to get too physical too fast then just make sure you dont spend way too much time alone in the dark ..hehe.  Or just make sure things stop at the petting/necking stage when you are alone.  I havent had to be concerned about things like this in a while but from what I can remember men will go as far as you take them - you end up steering the sex life.   ENJOY!..

Comment #6

OK, well I hope you didn't take my post the wrong way..

To me, pacing yourslef is just that. You take your time getting to know someone and not getting physical in the hopes of keeping him. In your first post, you said you are accustomed to taking things slow, so I wasn't sure what I could tell you that you haven't done before..

Comment #7

I find avoiding situations where I would be tempted to go further is the best prevention.  Meet him out in public rather than having him pick you up, etc..

Sheri..

Comment #8


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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