- angry?

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My first question is: - angry?.

My next question is: Ok, this new guy I have been seeing for going on 3 months now said something tonight that made me go hummmm. So help me decipher so I don't mess this one up. My past relationships have made me a bit jaded so I tend to read into things and get defensive sometimes, which I have tried to curtail with this one. OK lets start here, found me another one with a jaded past as well, he found his fiance" in the bed with his best friend a couple years ago, so OK I understand he is a bit skittish. Me although jaded I am still a hopeful romantic and jump right in head first. He says he wants to take it slow, kinda casual, which I have respected.

He asks me to come see him almost every weekend. He completely spoils me when I am with him. So as you see the words and actions don't go hand in hand. But to the point. Tonight while on the phone I was just talking and mentioned while he was online he should look into some weekend getaways or vacation deals for us to get together in the spring.

OK I don't know what that means. It hurt anyway. I tried to play it off as just a not so thought out comment. But I don't know. I really like this guy and as I said he really shows me when I am with him he likes me to, he just isn't ready to say it.

Should I just let it go knowing his insecure past or just say what do you want here or is it too soon to draw a line in the sand..


Comments (15)

Your question was: - angry?.

I wouldn't necessarily 'draw a line' but I would def ask why he doesn't want to go on vacation.  Why wonder and speculate?  Personally, I'd just ask...

Comment #1

The only discrepancy I see between words and actions is the vacation issue.  You might want to dig a little deeper to see why he is so adamant about not vacationing with you.  Otherwise he calls you and emails you every day and treats you well when he sees you...

Comment #2

It sounds like he is not that invested in the relationship.  He said he wants to take things slow, he has you coming to visit him every weekend and he doesn't want to go on vacation with you.  If I were you I would back way off and consider other options because this guy isn't really that into you.  He may enjoy your company and that is why he is nice to you, but it doesn't sound like he is really interested in anything more than a casual relationship.  I am not trying to sound harsh, but a guy who is really into a woman is willing to go on vacation with her.  He will do what ever he can to spend time with her.  This guy isn't doing that and you are doing all the work.  If he is that jaded over his ex then he shouldn't be in a relationship (thru in the first place - but that is only my opinion. .

If I were you I would tell him to give you a call when he feels he is over his past relationship (thru and is ready to start dating.  In the meantime, live your life in a way that makes you happy without pinning any hopes on him.   If he calls he calls if he doesn't he doesn't. ..

Comment #3

Thanks Guys.

I talked to the man tonight he says I am crazy, read too much into it, said I should know by now he is a smart ass, and I do. Says he just isn't a vacation guy and that is true my cousin who knows him says he has never known him to go on a vacation for the last 4 years. So, maybe it was my own insecurities. Who knows. But I will just go on with it and chalk it up to a misunderstanding. I mean everything else is really good, I guess I am just use to being treated like crap and ignored I think all men will do that.

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.


Comment #4

The best interpretation I could come up with is that guys and girls tend to like to do different things on vacations. Every chick I know seems to think shopping is what a large part of a vacation should be. No guy I know thinks that. Maybe he's had a bad experience before being dragged around on a shopping expedition or something. If not that, the guy's probably just a jerk. In any event, you should ask him point blank what he means, and tell him to buzz off if the answer is jerkish...

Comment #5

Ok, that is a shady answer- he just doesnt like vacations?  he hasn't taken a vacation in 4 years?  you dont find that strange?? ..

Comment #6

I would ask him why he doesn't like Vacations. You both should sit down and talk about what a vacation means to you. Good luck..

Comment #7

I agree , who doesnt like vacations? theres gotta be more to itIMO sounds fishy..

Comment #8

Well, had a conversation with the dude on the phone last night, I didn't go see him or he me this weekend because he has to work Sat and Sunday, I offered to come over to go out to dinner and maybe sit and watch some TV, I mean I haven't seen him since last weekend, well, one thing led to another, he said no, I asked why it is he doesn't want to spend more time with me, he questioned why I want to spend all my time with him and yes I went there, I told him I had feelings for him and I said I thought he had them for me. I mean he is very attentive and affectionate when we are together, touching me, running his hands through my hair, smelling my hair, holding my hand, pulling out chairs, opening doors all that stuff. Ok, his response was why did you go do a thing like that, I don't want a serious relationship, I like being with you but I need my me time. What the hell, looks like I found another one, except this one was hidden in a sweet, caring persona. I guess I just need to cut my loses and move on, but hell I really liked this one. I mean I am willing to be patient and wait for him to catch up with me in the feelings mode, but he didn't give me a "but" at all, no opening for a "perhaps".


Comment #9

Yep, that sounds pretty clear to me.  If you want more than a casual relationship, then it's time to move on..

That's got to be disappointing though after 3 months together.  Did the two of you talk about what you were both looking for when you first started seeing each other?.


Comment #10

Yes we did, at least I did, he never would really say what he wanted. Now I know why, he was just playing me or just wasn't sure about me but now he knows he isn't interested I guess. Unfortunately for me is I was really falling for him, I have spent all day tearing up when I think about it.  I mean he didn't break up with me, he said he still wants to see me, just wants it to be clear this is only casual. Whatever, I want more. So now what, thats what I have been thinking about all day.

I know what the answer is, I just really liked this one..



Comment #11

Yes, I think you know what you need to do in order to avoid getting hurt more..

And perhaps a lesson for the future is to be leery of men who aren't upfront about what they are looking for..


Comment #12

"Ok, his response was why did you go do a thing like that, I don't want a serious relationship, I like being with you but I need my me time. ".

If he said he doesnt want a serious relationship...then you have your answer and now you  need todecide if you want second rate...or first rate treatment...

Comment #13

I dated a guy like this...very attentive, wanting to know a lot about me, talking about introducing kids. But after a few months, when he wanted to meet my kids (by spending a weekend all together), I decided to ask him what we were to each other because I didn't know how to put my kids into the mix. He announced that he didn't consider me a girlfriend, wasn't going to commit to anything, and while he had been monogamous during the time we were together, he wouldn't guarantee that he wasn't still looking.OK...I felt I had been duped in a way. I had invested a lot in this guy, based on HIS leads, and yet he wasn't interested in more than FWB. Not my scene. I cried a lot, I was angry, but now, I am with someone who REALLY likes me and lets me know A LOT and is not ready to meet my kids until I am ready for it (though he has told his kids about me).So a few weeks of heartache ending it with the first guy has brought me to a place that is so much better for me.

Why give yourself to someone who doesn't want you?..

Comment #14

Thanks S96, sounds like the same guy, thanks for you advice. As much as I really like this guy, and he seems to like me, and really shows me he likes me around, his words are pretty definite. My heart says wait it out and maybe he will catch up but my gut says no he has made his choice clear, if he were going to have a relationship (thru he would have had one by now. No need for me to waste precious time and get more and more emotionally vested in  a relationship (thru that isn't going anywhere, right? Well thanks for all your assistance guys, I know what I need to do..


Comment #15

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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