Oh Dauchka - I'm so sorry to hear this!! Hugs to you for being positive and moving forward!! You said it best at the end, "Id rather be healthy and at a good weight and be lonely than be heavy and at risk for diabeties". I think that some people in our lives are jealous and may feel threatened with your success. Being over weight is hard and self confiedence gets lost along the way, when you are heavy it's easier to accept it and keep going if you have other heavy friends. I've lost touch with a few of my friends, can't say for sure what the reason is, but I do know that if they were true friends then we would all still be in touch.
Keep your head up and keep pluggin away at those last 6-7 lbs!!! You are amazing and I can't wait to for to reach goal!! Congrats!.
Hugs to you!!.
Could it be that you were eating friends? And now that you no longer live a life of going out to eat, hanging around and noshing that there is not a common link to these people? I have had this happen in the past when I lost weight and when I fell off and gained they were back. Not a healthy friendship at all! Most friends of mine now are thin and they are encouraging me so we have other things in common plus when we do go have lunch I order OP foods so that isn't an issue. I'm sorry your friends cannot adjust to your change in a positive way. ((hugs))..
They may just be jealous of you and what you've accomplished. still hurts though but you're right about needing to be healthy for you. sometimes, people that we think are our friends, really aren't when it comes right down to it. good luck to you!..
I'm sorry. I have one friend who hasn't mentioned my loss at all and refuses to acknowledge or talk about it We do alright otherwise, I just think it is a little odd...part of friendship as far as I am concerned is support.
Some people feel threatened and that is a shame. We should all feel free to improve ourselves (in whatever way) and not have to worry if our 'friend' will still be there for us. In time you will develop new friendships. Take care and congratulations on your Medifast success!..
You have friends! You have us!.
I actually asked my therapist about this. She said that some poeple are threatened by other poeple being empowered. And certainly with almost 60lbs (CONGRATS!!!) gone you've become more confident. Everyone changes and some people just aren't willing to change with you. It's their loss really.
But maybe search for new friends. Find poeple that are interested in the things you like doing now. If you've joined a gym, look there. Or find someone who enjoys shopping. Personally, my mom has become my new best shopping buddy, she's started taking me to the goodwill stores. Are your kids in sports? Maybe theres other moms in the stands...
Unfortunately lot's of people do feel threatened by our success. Here is the thing....if they were true friends, they would be there no matter what...encouraging you and celebrating with you. Maybe they weren't the great friends you thought they were?.
I had a similar situation when I got married. My best friend was so jealous that I wasn't spending all my time with her anymore...imagine! I came to realize that she wasn't a real friend after all. Real friends are accepting of changes in eachothers lives and are our cheerleaders in rough time. Just think....there is a whole world of other new friends out there waiting for you!..
I will agree with a lot of the posters here... a lot of people are threatened, and to be blunt here, jealous of the empowerment and weight loss of others. Some people just can't stand to see others do good. I know that sounds bad but the unhappiness within themselves doesn't allow them to be happy for you. If your "friends" are being weird or nonsupporting you got to wonder if they were really your friends in the first place...
I think Ivonne hit the nail on the head "some people just can't stand to see others do good" I agree !! You are to be VERY PROUD of yourself 60 gone for good Go You!!!..
I agree with Kaycee we are your friends. What part of the country do you live in we could go see a movie and skip the popcorn!!.
Honestly, people are envious of so much silly stuff it cracks me up on a daily basis. I ignore it and move on. Congrats on losing 60 lbs and feeling sextabulous. You did it and I am proud of you! Head high and shoulders back!!..
Sounds like you're doing great - I'm sorry that your friends have not supported you. Unfortunately, I would say that they were not real friends. I think that you can find some new friends, who will appreciate you as you are...
Time to get some new friends!!! Unfortunately, that happens alot these days. But keep your head held high and if your friends cannot appreciate you for the queen that you are, then you are better off without them!!! It's their lossnot yours because you are a wonderful person...
Hi! Yes, I've had that happen to me. I lost almost exactly the same as you did (I lost 65 lbs) and a bunch of sizes. Of course we have to get new clothes! It mainly happened to me with co-workers, and it sounds like yours are co-workers at the salon you work at, right? That's hard, because you have to deal with them and feel "shunned" by them every day.
They are jealous. I think that a huge part of this issue is that people pigeon-hole everyone in their lives, and if you step out of the box that they put you into, it upsets the apple cart for them. People like this don't really look at YOU, they are looking at how you reflect on them. Here is an example of what I mean....if you used to be "the bigger girl" in the shop, and you're not that person anymore, that status is shuffled and reassigned to somebody else. Maybe you're now "the hot one", and somebody else got demoted from that spot! I know this sounds really silly, but it's actually how people think. They are not real friends if they can't be happy for you.
Be cheerful and fun with your customers, and anybody else who comes in that isn't a jerk toward you. Don't empower them in any way. Don't chase after their friendship. Eventually, when they see and get used to the new, confident you, they might just drop the 'tude and come around.
The good news: As you meet new people in your life, they will be seeing who you are now, and there's no baggage or pigeon-holing that they can hang on you regarding your past size. So, it's a clean slate with all new people who come along. Try to get out and meet some new people! It gets better, I promise!..
What I forgot to mention in my post was, that I was at a wake for a friends dad and these two women I know well were there, one said I am sorry but we cant stand next to you, you look too good now, your getting too thin, and they walked away and didnt talk to me the rest of the night! When I tried to approach t hem for some conversation, they didnt want to be bothered, that was the last straw! dauchka..
All I can say is, anytime you go through a big change, a crisis, or some other major thing in life, you quickly find out who your true friends are. I'm so sorry this happened to you, but if you come right down to it, you don't need those kind of "friends" anyway. You will make plenty more friends and the long time friends you do have that stick by you no matter what ARE the real friends. ((((((Hugs)))))))) and congratulations on you wonderful loss!!!! You did fantastic!!!!.
Another thing, since you had the courage and determination to make positive changes in your life, it probably makes your "friends" insecure about many things that are going on in their lives that they aren't addressing or sweeping under the carpet...
((hugs)) That hurts! I'm so sorry. Congratulations on your weight loss!!! That is wonderful!!.
Have you read, "Joining the Thin Club"? She addresses this in the book. It's a very good book!..
I am sooo sorry that this happened to you and at a wake! I agree with everyone else that is time for you to ditch these women who show NO SUPPORT for you at all. Its sad isn't it? To have lifelong friends reject you like that but you have all of your new friends here! We may cover the globe and not close enough to hold your hand or offer a cup of tea to talk things over at the kitchen table but we are here in cyberspace - offering the same thing!..
I'm a hairdresser too and I overheard some of the girls saying I'd never keep it off! Whatever!..
I know how you feel, some of my friends and family either refuse to acknowledge my weightloos or, they tell me to stop losing wieght (and I ahven't even reached my halfway point yet!). Sometimes things like this really discourages me and maybe that's what led to me not being OP...
If you think about it, their attitude - though deplorable, is really very basic. Your weight loss, or any kind of self improvement, is something they cannot face in themselves. Since you did it, what's their excuse? They feel bad about themselves! When we are fat - it's like a club - we console each other about how hard it is, impossible in fact, we cry about why men don't love us - then with our fat friends we blame the men. Now - YOU went and proved them wrong! By losing weight, you are (in their minds) showing them that all the things said about fat people are right. They just aren't trying hard enough, they're lazy, no discipline, etc., etc. So, by being around them - like you said at the wake - you are showing them up and they can't face that.
Also, they don't recognize us and they think that we are too good for them now. I've gone up and down in my weight over the years (haven't we all) and I've seen friends do the same. Who else is there to console us when we fail? Now all of a sudden you have succeeded where they have failed. That sets you apart in their minds. It's so sad, isn't it? But it's human nature, unfortunately at it's worst.
I was embarrassed to be with her and even more embarrassed that I felt that way. We saw each other again months later and she had gained it all back. I caught myself feeling relieved because it let me off the hook. Then I felt terrible for feeling that way. Maybe if I had been there for her, we could have helped each other.
It taught me a lesson to be more compassionate and to be a better friend. But I remember that ugly green monster. Try to forgive your friends and if they can't feel better about themselves without bringing you down to their level - move on sweetheart because eventually they will try to bring you down. You've done something wonderful for yourself, something you've always wanted to do. Don't let anyone take that away from you.
We're your friends here - and you'll make tons of new, healthier (mentally and physically) friends down the road. Hang in there and much congratulations on your wonderful success!..
Oh yea I experience this ... my family is supportive, but my friends act a little funny now but I try to not let that get me down, because this is for ME...
I have had the opposite experience. My friend lost 60+ pounds. After her weight loss she was a different person. (not nearly as nice) She was serious and no longer happy go lucky. It was as if her addiction to food was gone and she was grumpy. She found other friends and left me. I guess she didn't have anything in common with someone addicted to food and 60+ pounds overweight anymore...
Ok I am just playing the Devil's advocate here. I don't know the OP nor anyone else on the board personally..
I know that in the past I have stopped talking to friends who were on a weight loss program. I was not jealous. I was tired of hearing about their diet, new clothes, size lost, pounds down, new low cal, low fat recipes. It is like a friend with a new baby, their life has changed and their conversation is 100% about the baby. If you have no frame of reference, it is not a conversation, it feels like a lecture..
My inlaws are notorious for this, prepare a decadent meal and then only talk about how they shouldn't eat it, they need to lose 10 pounds. They will point out everyone's weight and their loss gain, where they gained it, the clothes they wore. No one feels comfortable and who wants to be friends with people obsessed with only one thing in their life..
I had a very good friend for many years, we had many things in common. Her husband walked out and she went on a diet, looked great. She stopped talking about anything but her new lifestyle. She showed up at my daughter's birthday in basically a club outfit. She talked to everyone about the gym, her inches, the calories in that slice of cake. It was a party for a 3 year old.
There are many days that I am consumed with my weightloss, need for clothes, etc.. I try really hard to keep it on the boards and an email loop specifically for weight loss, where everyone has the same interest. Just as if I went to any social gathering, I wouldn't talk only about my interests. Trust me, it is hard, I want to scream from a mountain top, look at me I lost 60 pounds!!! Look at me I am down 4 sizes!.
For one day, sound a little chime in your head everytime you mention the diet, size, anything Medifast related. If the bells are ringing off the hook, it might tell you something..
Didn't mean to offend, the whole thing may not apply to you and your friends might be jealous. I know I need to keep my conversations in check and it a very conscience effort...
Kmuppet ~ You really make some great observations! I've caught myself doing that and try hard to limit my obsession to these boards. And I hear ya about friends with new babies - yee gads! Yours are words to really take to heart! Any thoughts from those on maintenance ~ does the chatty-diet-chatty business subside?..
Wow, that's terrible. Well one thing is for sure, these people were not real "friends" and certainly not your well-wishers. They are clearly petty and seem extremely jealous or threatened by you, and these are people you don't want to be wasting your time on anyway in that case..
Just move on and look for people who are secure and confident in themselves, and therefore won't be threatened by your successes (and who will be worth spending time with)..
While this particular case has not happened to me, I have had "friends" who continually tried to sabotage my weight loss efforts when they knew I was struggling in the weight loss journey. They knew I was trying to lose weight for health reasons, yet they would try to tempt me and get me to eat junk they brought in, tell me to "stop losing weight because I was disappearing" (when I was still looking like 3 stacked beach balls, geez) etc. I had to distance myself from them as they were not looking out for my best interests...
I am experiancing the exact same thing this week! My chubby and skinny friend alike are trying not to notice me. I am not a talker about myself sort of person, so I know I have not done the Medifast this and Medifast that in their ears, till they want to hit me..
It hurts, because I am still the same person I was 53 pounds ago, my mental image of myself is still exactly the same too. I don't get it!..
Maybe your friends are worried that you willjudge them or see them as less good for NOT losing weight? Just playing devil's advocate. Mostly I agree with the people who say it's time to get new friends. I've found when I've lose weight in the past that I naturally gravitate towards new people. The old friends tend to say they're happy for me but then find ways to try to sabotage me. (like wanting to go out for fast food, order pizza, etc.).
I am struggling with this a little myself because my best friend since high school was the person I did all my naughty eating with, and so I think she feels left out when I diet and am successful. She is quite overweight herself also but is unwilling to deal with it in a healthy waycomes up with all kinds of reasons why she can't. I love her even if she is overweight, but it seems like the more changes I make in my life, the less we have in common. She's the only friend I've had for that long though, so we keep trying. I think the main reason we've managed to stay friends is that it's been 10 years since we lived int he same town, and when you are conducting a relationship by e-mail and telephone it is easier to overlook the differences..
This is an area where I really struggle in my life two. I have severe recurring clinical depression and I tend to self-isolate when I'm depressed. I've lost a lot of friendships over the years due to that and moving around a lot. Making new friends is tough. At least you've got your kids! And this board!!! (online friends aren't quite the same as face-to-face ones but they're nice). Maybe it's time to take up a new hobby, maybe something active since you are now so fabulous and meet some new people..
Anyway, being lonely is tough, but you have already proven you can do tough things by losing 60 pounds, so hang in there!..
I never talk about my weight loss with them or about those type of conversations, I am really the typr of person who doesnt like the focus or attention on myself. When people will give me a comment like, " oh youve lost so much weight, you look great" I try to change the subject. One firend who has totally blown me off , lost 45 lbs herself and I was so supportive of her the whole road, but now that Ive lost the weight, she doesnt like it. Go figure people out, I cant! My friend lost 150lbs with surgery, she had 3 friends that couldnt handle it and they are no longer friends! Thanks for all the support!! !!! Dauchka..
Maybe it's not that you are even talking about it. I noticed that as the weight drops your self confidence builds. Many people are intimidated by confident people. They feel their lack of it and may not even recognize it. The longer you stay OP the more you will develop a resolve in desicion making (I hope) and if you follow it all the way through much of your thinking is changed. This is not the friend they knew.
Some you value too much to allow them to be shed with the unwanted pounds. You might have to work at those more finding non food ways to draw the loved one back into relationship so they can see that you may have changed physically but that deep down it is still you and they aren't going to be replaced..... I don't know. Just a thought. But whatever you do keep going, take care of your body, it's all you got...
Dauchka, I know this is a hurtful thing for you, or for anyone who has had this happen. If they are truly friends though, they would support you, and want you to be healthier and happier. I am sure they see your self esteem going up, and maybe they feel threatened by that. I really hope things get better. I went from being the largest in my salon, to the smallest. 1 of my employees is older than me, the rest are younger.
One lost some, but then quit, the other is about 50 down and still going! Everyone is supportive of her,even the one who wasn't of me,,,again,,how do we ever understand human nature?? Do what works for you, and only you,,you are the only one that matters when it comes to your health and happiness. You are doing great, and we will be seeing those goal pics soon I hope!!..
I had the same thing happen to me at work just the other day! We also have the same job and lost the same amount of weight I have noticed a shift in the way my clients treat me mainly the overweight ones. My coworkers are all pretty supportive except the one that won't stand next to me anymore. I had one tell me today I was starting to look like a bobble head WTH? I let it bug me sometimes but I figure like everyone else has said they are jealous or feel threatened in some way. Just try not to let it get under your skin. I'm sure you feel better at work, standing all day and bending over the shampoo bowl. Good for you and if they can't be happy for you then I don't think they are good friends anyway. You deserve better..
How immature! At a wake they behave badly? How in the world do adults justify this behavior? Reading these posts makes me ill to think this is the norm and not the exception...
I am so proud of you!!!!I must tell you those people are not your friends...A friend is there through good and bad and friends shouldn't be jealous of one another.....I had many friends when I was obese and today I have 1 true (real) friend..
If we can say in our life time that we have one true friend that is worth a million dollars. She has stood by me througout the program and I would have never expected our friendship to grow like it has. That's what friendship is all about. Keep your chin up and don't stress - it's not worth it. Anytime you want to chat please let me know.
My theory is as we loose the weight, we also get emotionally healthier, it goes hand in hand.
IF we dont get emoitionally more fit, then the triggers that helped us get fat are still there & will return..
SO if we are changeing our mental attitudes as well as our physical appearance, our coping skills & friends change too. Some friends are true friends, some are not..
My relationship with food has changed as well as some of my friendships. I think I see my friendships a bit more clearer than I did a year ago. THats ok, I still love my friends,even the ones that dont speak to me LOL They are still good people. I have more room for healthier relationships with new friends..
Dauchka, it sounds to me like you lost more than 60 unwanted pounds...you lost whatever they weighed also!.
I'm sad for you that you're having to go through this but glad that you're finding out who are your true friends. Try not to give those insensitive people a second thought and focus on yourself and your own well-being. And you go girl! You're doing so good...keep up the hard work...
This is sad, but true, and you are not alone... there is a book, I think it is called the Dance of Relationships or something like that. Anyway, in it they talk a lot about how we don't want people to change. We are comfortable with where they are.
I lost this weight before and I did lose friends.... and now, you know, a lot of my "old friends" are the "eating buddies". So we are sort of like the heavy drinker who goes on the wagon... so we can't go out and party like we used to. If the relationship is based on that, then it falls to the wayside.
How petty those women at the wake were! Did they used to stand next to you, to feel like they looked thin? How insulting. Guess they meant you looked really good then??? LOL.
I have a "friend" who is about 100 pounds heavier than me; we worked together at my old job and we used to eat, try diets, and b*tch about things together... besides doing Medifast, I'm also on a diet from negative talk. I went out for coffee with her and found that I was playing the "ain't it awful" game. Plus she and another very heavy friend are going to do WW and I found it very difficult to deal with their plans about it... sort of like, religious differences. So I've been facing the fact that I may not see much of her.
And the other friend from work, she is very thin, a South Beach graduate, and that's what she talks about. She's always advising me on what to eat and fussing when I choose herb tea instead of a latte when we go out now... this may be another friend I just won't be finding time for. It's very painful...
Anyway, I guess I'm trying to say, you are not alone, and I agree with others who say, you need new friends. You have to believe that the friends are out there. There are good people who will appreciate you for yourself. Ask the universe to show them to you!!..
Hey thanks for all the great support! Schu, I wish your Salon was In NJ, you sound like such a great boss, I would love my employer to treat her employees like yourself! dauchka..
Well Dauchka,,you could always commute to Va!! lol I am sure if you were closer, you would make a great addition to my salon. Thanks for the compliment! I try to walk a line between friend and boss,,,there are times I do have to pull rank though, but I find I get more respect from my employees, if I show them respect in return. I hope things get better for you in that department...