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Ladies: why does EVERY damn girl reject me on eHarmony and match.com it seems? DO they think im ugly

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My first question is: Ladies: why does EVERY damn girl reject me on eHarmony and match.com it seems? DO they think I'm ugly.

My next question is: Hi all.

First off, thanks to anyone who reads this.  I think my co-worker "work husband" is tired of my fretting about this "dilemma".  Though, I think really I'm just afraid to hear the truth.  The story:.

I've been friends with Jay for years now.  Maybe 9-10 years.  We went to college together, had a lot of the same friends, and had some classes together.  I always found him to be cute and interesting, but we never dated.  Flash forward 9-10 years and we don't see each other as often... we mostly see each other at football games and when some of our mutual friends have big parties.  The last time I had seen him was at a football tailgate back in the fall. .

Then on August 1 a friend asked if I wanted to go to a baseball game that also happened to be Jay's 30th birthday celebration.  I saw Jay there and we chatted and cheers'd our beers to the fact that we were both single (increasingly rare in our group).  We chatted at the game, but ended up going to separate bars after the game because we had ridden with different people.  However, he shows up at the bar where I had gone a few hours later.  At that point, while yes, admittedly tipsy, we flirted heavily, kissed, and he ended up sleeping next to me on my couch that night.  I dropped him off at his house the next morning, and he asked me to an 80s party that night. .

At the party, he was SO incredibly sweet.  He practically lavished me with attention and introduced me to everyone he knew as though he were very proud to be there with me.  I stayed at his place that night and things got a little physical, but no sex.  He even stated that all his friends really liked me, and he was very sweet the next morning... held me in his arms, kissed my forehead, and said he'd call....

We live on the east coast, and I know he has to fly to the west coast every week for work, but he called on Thursday night when I knew he had gotten back from Cali.  I missed his call, he didn't leave a message, but I called him back 30 minutes later and he didn't answer.  It was pretty late on Thursday.  And then he just never called back... Here I am on Monday wondering what the heck?????  So, what do I do?  I know the Rules would tell me not to call, but I'm wondering now if "he's just not that into me"... He's my friend.  Should I call?  Not call?  Wait it out a week?  Keep him guessing?  There is no "never see each other again".  Especially since football season is right around the corner.  I'm just wondering if I should be a bit worried.  Do all the signs point to "you moved too fast by hooking up Saturday night, now the guy thinks your slutty and was just trying to get into your pants... now that he knows he has to take you on a date using Match.com to 'get some' he doesn't think it's worth the effort, and probably will ignore you for the rest of your life."  I'm so dramatic.  *Sigh* I really liked him dangit!!.

So... thanks for reading my story.  Comments are much appreciated...

Comments (7)

Your question was: Ladies: why does EVERY damn girl reject me on eHarmony and match.com it seems? DO they think I'm ugly.

I can see why you're confused. There are certainly good signs - the way he was towards you at the party shows that he didn't mind being viewed as a couple with you. That's a very good sign! However, he could've called you even while he was in CA. When a guy is really into you, he'll usually call within a few days. Yet, he DID call on Thurs, which is a good sign. However, the fact that it was late, and he didn't leave a message, and he wasn't available when you called back, could indicate that it was more of a "booty call"..

Still, it's only Monday. I wouldn't necessarily write him off yet, as he could be really busy. But don't call. I assume you left a message Thurs nt, so the ball is in his court now. If he never calls, and you run into him in the future, then at least you can act like it wasn't that big a deal for you either. Helps maintain your dignity.

BTW, I don't think you did anything wrong by petting a little on the second date. A lot of guys today are getting sex on the first date using Match.com from girls. That old rule seems to have gone by the wayside. At least you didn't sleep with him, so you shouldn't feel bad. If he never calls, you can assume he was only after sex, but if that's the case, he didn't get any, so you have nothing to be ashamed of. ..

Comment #1

<< It was pretty late on Thursday.  And then he just never called back... Here I am on Monday wondering what the heck?????  >>.

You're being a chick.  Overthinking, conjuring up some scenario and then saying "I really liked him dangit!!" as though it's done and over..

First of all, he was out of town for work ... the fact that he called you at all while out of town for work is a GOOD thing.   You aren't a priority, you aren't even dating (online dating with Match.com) (I mean no offense, but generally ... people who are on business don't even bother to call people they're 'just dating' ... it's usually not a priority)... so, the fact that he did is a good thing. .

Secondly, you're on the east coast ... he's on the west coast for his trip ... while it may have been 'pretty late' for you ... it was 3 hours earlier for him ... he may not have thought about the time difference, but ...  if he did, then ... that means he's comfortable enough with you to think that you wouldn't mind.  He might not have called back because he thought it might be too late..

Lastly, over the weekend ... ditto on the above ... not dating, not a 'priority' ... and if he just got back into town ... well, if you've ever been out of town for a week ... it takes a weekend to get back into the swing..

Bottom line:  Don't call.  And don't sweat it.  He'll call.  If he was thinking all those things you said, he woudln't have even bothered to call on Thursday...

Comment #2

 .

Bumped for an update..

UPDATE: What the Deuce?.

I never called the guy back because I just assumed his not calling meant he wasn't interested.  So... he finally called.  This past Friday night, I was hanging with friends and missed a phone call from dude... at 1:30am.  And he left a message...

"Hey Faab!  Jay here.  I was just calling to say hey, but I guess it's a little too late.  But I figured I would give you a call anyways.  Talk to you later.. Bye.".

Um.  Booty call?  Maybe he was bored?  He never called again for the rest of the weekend.  I figured I wouldn't justify that with any sort of response.  But heck... at least he's thinking about me?????  At Booty:Thirty?  I dunno...  It's not like I was a sure thing either... we haven't slept together.  In fact, I requested a date using Match.com specifically before he stopped calling.  What do you all think?.

Halp!..

Comment #3

Reread starbucks reply.  What will be will be..

 .

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My next door neighbor.

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THEIR HOUSE IS UNARMED.

Out of respect for their opinion I will not protect.

Them with my guns..

Comment #4

My advice would be different if you didn't already know this guy for 9 or 10 years ... but, since there's a long history here ... I'd say be bold and just playfully call him on it.    "Hey Jay, got your message ... at booty 'o clock ... what's up with that? "    Not in an accusatory or weird way ... just re-open the lines of communication ... joke with him.   Guys like a woman with a sense of humor...

Comment #5

What would I think if I were you?  If a guy I'd known for awhile and most recently had a few heavy make-out sessions with and he's a reasonably decent guy (with some sense of propriety anyway) called me at 1:30 in the morning on a weekend to say "hey" I'd think he had sex on the mind and also that he is confident that I would be receptive, so that's at the very least a booty-inspired call!  I mean if he was bored he'd be sleeping.  If he just thought of you as friend, he wouldn't be calling at 1:30am (remember, I'm assuming some propriety in the guy).  I think he knows that you're interested in him. .

What I don't see in your post did you call him back?  I think you should call him back once and see what's up.  If your call goes well, ask him out to something benign, like brunch, to re-ignite the friendship and move away from the bootiness of it all.  This is total guesswork on my part, I don't understand men that well, but I just think this guy needs to be inspired a bit more and to inspire him you want to make him come after you.  I would suggest that if you meet, dress casually chic, flirt and then go home.  because after that brunch (or whatever), he has to call you next.  If he doesn't, well, it was a fun flirty brunch and the friendship remains. ..

Comment #6

Hehehe... I love it.  That is perfect.  Aaaand also exactly what I did yesterday.  I "myspaced" him because I saw that he has been checking it daily.  He responded that he had been napping on Friday until around midnight when he went over to a mutual friends house.  When apparently, an hour an a half later, he called.  Thank gah it wasn't just a drunken ploy for booty!.

So, now I'm trying to heat the mutual exchange up a little more using an alternative mode of contact.  This is at least a good way to get the contact going while he's out on the west coast.  We may see a real date using Match.com yet!.

Thanks Starbuck... I was being a girl.  I suppose now I'm a little more chilled out about the situation now that I don't um... feel like a hooker.  Heh...

Comment #7


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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