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Kevinuncc49ers @match.com caught my eye how do i find him !?

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My first question is: Kevinuncc49ers @match.com caught my eye how do I find him !?.

My next question is: My romantic interest has just been caught out in a stupid lie. He's an old friend from my school days, and when we caught up on the Internet almost a year ago he told me he had some tattoos now. A couple months ago he moved back into my area, and we've been growing close. Everything has been fine - he's been an amazing friend to me these past few months. Until last night - he just admitted to me that he lied - he said he had a tattoo on his leg - and he doesn't. (he has only one, on his arm)Now, it's not what he lied about - it's the lie itself that's the problem.



 It would never cross my mind to lie about anything like that in the first place, so I am now questioning his character, and whether he can be trusted. If he can lie about something so small - what else has he lied about? And what does it matter whether we'd grow close or not? Surely he should have enough respect for me as a human being not to lie in the first place?I have been hurt badly in the past by a man and his lies, so am I just being overly cautious? Has my bad experience made me take this more seriously than perhaps I should? Is this something I should let go, or am I right to be worried? Would love to hear some opinions. Thanks - Lx..

Comments (6)

Your question was: Kevinuncc49ers @match.com caught my eye how do I find him !?.

I agree that it's a small stupid lie, but that's just the problem...if he'd lie about something so small and stupid, how can you really trust him?.

I would let it go in the sense that I wouldn't break up with him over it, but I'd definitely keep it in the back of my mind as I continued to evaluate whether this guy is a good fit, and pay particular attention to the consistency between his words and his actions.  I'd also make it 100% clear to him that any additional lies, no matter how small or stupid, won't be tolerated..

What he meant by the growing close comment is, he didn't realize he'd be in a position to get caught in his lie, LOL!.

Sheri..

Comment #1

Perhaps it this is more about my own issues than anything else. I mentioned I've been hurt by a liar before - that was an understatement.   My ex was - wait for it - a pathological liar. I'm not exaggerating - He lied about practically every aspect of his life and conned not only me, but my friends and family too.

This is the new guy I've been seeing is the first since the break up almost a year ago..

To be honest, I left my horrible ex feeling relatively unscathed for the most part - I was more relieved than anything else, it felt like a lucky escape- and since then life has just been getting better and better. I've not looked back. But I always knew it could rear it's ugly head with regards to trust issues in future relationships. Perhaps this guy picked the wrong girl to tell a 'white lie' to! It just set all my alarm bells off at once. Not quite sure how to move on from this now really.....

Comment #2

Nothing wrong with being on your guard. I do have to agree that if he'd lie about something so trivial, he just might lie about something bigger..

CL - Women of Color  ..

Comment #3

I don't think the lie is the real issue here, although I do agree with the others that a small lie means that he could lie about other things. I would be more concerned with the reasons he felt the need to lie. Like another poster said, is he insecure? Does he think that his personal worth is measured by the amount of tattoos he has, or from other outward things?.

I was married to a man who liked to tell "fish stories." He'd pump himself up and make himself seem more than he was. I let it go while I dated him and during the first part of the marriage, because they were just white lies. No big deal, right? Wrong. As it turned out this guy was horribly insecure about himself and ended up controlling me in emotionally and physically abuse ways in order to make himself feel secure. I'm not saying this guy would do that, because there are several other factors to consider. I'm just saying...yes, it IS a red flag. If I were you I'd keep my eyes wide open, and don't let him get away with anymore lies...

Comment #4

I think he's lying about other stuff... I've been scouring my mind, and various things don't add up. Like ages ago, when we were just communicating via phone/Internet he also told me he had another tattoo on his finger. Later when I asked about it he insisted he'd told me it was a henna temporary tattoo. I'm scatty and forgetful so I accepted what he said but now I'm wondering. He's kind of vague all the time about things and when I explained to him how I was feeling something about his response didn't make me feel comfortable.

When my ex (the compulsive liar from a year ago) was pulled up on inconsistencies he would immediately offer 'proof' as well. It was never any sort of definitive proof though, and what this guy is offering me as proof isn't definitive either..

I also asked him if there was anything else he'd lied about to tell me now, and his response was - 'I don't think so.'   Not really a great response and when challenged he said he had a bad memory. He started going on about how he might have exaggerated stories etc...  The similarities in behaviors with him and my liar ex are startling. I dunno... I can't quite explain it I guess, but my gut instincts are really telling me something is very wrong here. I don't think it's me being paranoid anymore. If anything I think he might be using my bad experience in his favor..

It really sucks, because since moving to this city some months ago, he's been a great friend to me, and we talk/socialize often. I don't have many other close friends here.  I'm going to miss him.   But if I continue I think I'll feel a lot worse in the end.

I'm also really worried about this pattern of liars that is suddenly appearing......

Comment #5

I dont like when people lie.  It's a red flag.  Stress that you need honesty, even if it's about something small. How does he feel about that?.

,..

Comment #6


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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