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My first question is: Is using match.com a good way to find someone?.

My next question is: My question has to do with controlling disappointment and ultimately anger in a relationship.  To set up my situation, I have to tell you a little bit about my mother:  my mother is often extremely irritable and gets angry very quickly and easily.  I feel as though I she may have passed some of this on to me I can recognize when I am angry or irritable for no real reason, though I sometimes have trouble controlling it..

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Within my relationship, I find that when plans get mixed up or fall apart, I get very disappointed and I become silent and closed in.  I understand why plans did not work, but I tend to hold grudges or take them as personal attacks.  I know this is an immature way to handle the situation, but I do not know how to change.  My boyfriend brought up recently that I get easily disappointed and upset, and I want this to change.  Could someone please provide me with some tips about how to handle the situation so that despite feeling bummed, I handle the situation calmly and maturely and do not make others (i.e. my boyfriend) upset in the process..

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Thank you for your help...

Comments (4)

Your question was: Is using match.com a good way to find someone?.

Try some self help books or counseling to help with your self esteem, and how to release your anger in positive ways..

<< but I tend to hold grudges or take them as personal attacks>>.

This is because you don't have a healthy self esteem, work on that because no matter how much you love someone it is very draining emotionally to constantly have to "prop" them up.  Eventually he will decide it is not worth it.  You need to be happy and secure within yourself first, and no one can help you with that, it has to come from inside you...

Comment #1

My best suggestion would be to work with a counselor who specializes in cognitive behavior therapy (CBT).  With this type of therapy, you focus on changing your thoughts and how you look at things, which results in changing your feelings.  I've found it very helpful in approaching things differently..

Sheri..

Comment #2

I am not sure if you get irritable for no reason...there has to be a reason - otherwise why be angry?.

If a boyfriend is routinely disappointing you..then why would you want to make things comfortable for him?  I wouldnt - I'd make him pay for doing it to me if he were doing it regularly before I dumped him..

But if you get disappointed to the point that you cant shake it and enjoy the rest of your day - with him or without him - then I can understand your need to take the reins on your emotions. .

Maybe counseling can help with providing you some strategies...

Comment #3

It's good to notice that you are still operating from childhood patterns and hurt. We all do this - and tend to induce in our relationship (thru Match.com) partners what our parents did to us because the feeling is comfortable for you, comfortable in the sense that it is familiar....

When these feelings come up, tell yourself - this is my childhood stuff, it's not about that my boyfriend has to work late. Center yourself - then go back to the present moment and what is happening. The more you do this the more you are "training" yourself to not be ruled by childhood baggage. It is a process..

,..

Comment #4


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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